Has anyone else reached "paradox stage"?

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As in desperately sick to death of going through failed relationship after failed relationship, but also desperate to fall in love?

Do you have some sort of idea why your relationships are failing?

I personally haven't been in enough failed relationships.

falling in love while desperate is a recipe for a failed relationship. . . so don't see them as the basis for a long lasting bonding between two people, I see them as times when I fell in love while desperate. . .

Merle

Last edited by sinsboldly on 11 Aug 2007, 10:09 am, edited 1 time in total.

I've never really been in a failed relationship, and I'm not desperate for love. But I am sick of things like this screwing up for me instead of either going well or not happening at all. I'd rather be single forever and understand that, than get f***ed around.

Sort of. . .

I've become pickier as time has passed; I try to learn something with each failed relationship. At this point, I just wish there were more people about who I'd be interested in.

I've never been in love, which I'm sure influences my perspective.

Because of how massively unlikely it is that I'd find someone, I try to build my life in such a way that I'll really be OK even if I never do find a partner. . .

There's been new hope lately though; before I found this site, I didn't even know there might be other people like me. . . on some sort of intellectual level, yes- no one is that unique. . . but not really. It's nice.

Eating while at the brink of starvation is a recipe for failer... so don't see them as a basis for a long lasting way to survive. And it is true logically, as those who continually eat while at the brink of starvation usually eventually end up starving to death when they get unlucky.

So logically, desperation is such a bad thing, why is it that mother nature uses desperation and loneliness to force people into relationships. Is mother nature stupid?

My favorite line from my favorite movie (Amadeus)

Salieri is surveying intrigue in his Court Posting and says suspiciously " What was God up to?"

I think 'mother nature' has chemically ensured we will propagate ourselves. Life has no other reason but to replicate its self. Chemically bent to cause this to happen, we seek it even when our minds understand the folly of sustaining such intensity of passion it induces. Most folks don't think that far or like that, and are more 'in the moment' and see nothing but what they want to see.


your mileage may vary,

Merle

______________________
"Pity the heart that is slow to learn
what the quick mind sees at every turn"
Edna St. Vincent-Millay

Uhh... because I have aspergers?

That is why we're all here right?

It is possible for some aspies to have successful relationships.

Identifying what behaviors and other factors make it possible for others might be helpful to you.

Oh I'm sure it is.

But the whole it is "possible" for "some" aspies to have successful relationships would be the key there.

It's not exactly run of the mill to have a perfectly normal love life when you have communication problems.

Besides, I was just wondering if anyone else here had reached the stage I'm at, wasn't really asking for all the conjecture.

No offence.

Yeah, for years. The good news is that someday you are going to meet someone who will want to stay and it feels so good.

Trust me, all it takes is time.

Ed Almos

Have you watched the love-lives of NTs? The "normal' love-lives?

I don't think I want one. . .

I'm thinking the trick at having a shot at success lies in finding someone who accepts your communication "problems" as just being a different style rather than. . . well, problems. Since when should we accept the idea that excessive honesty and precision are disabilities?

Sure, we have to figure out some algorithms to tone down bluntness. . . and there will be times when communication has to wait due to meltdowns and other. . .uh. . . problems. . . but all in all, if someone doesn't want me for who I am, that's not the relationship I'm looking for anyway. . .

And there are people out there who want aspies for who they are.

No. I've never been in a real relationship to begin with. I did have one boyfriend so far, but, in retrospect, I think there was no special connection between us at all - just affection on my part (which I can feel towards just about anybody, and it doesn't mean much in terms of forming an attachment), and sympathy/affection/mild sexual interest on his. It was a long-distance relationship too, and the only real interaction we had was when I came to visit him for a few weeks, so we never really had the chance to develop whatever we had between us into something bigger.

I've gotten to the point where being in a relationship is a nice-to-have, not a necessity. If I find the right guy, that's great, but I'm starting to think more in terms of what I want my life to be regardless of whether there's someone else in the picture or not.

The thing that does frustrate me though, is that when I do find myself developing an interest in someone, it either doesn't work out or the feelings aren't returned. Each time, my resolve to just be alone gets stronger, but yet I always eventually end up putting myself through the whole thing again no matter how hard I try to stifle my feelings for someone. Damn emotions...

Last edited by Spot17 on 12 Aug 2007, 12:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I imagine that this would depend on one's definition of a "failed" relationship.

Tim