Pros and cons of "three dates"

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https://www.msn.com/en-us/money/other/the-pros-and-cons-of-following-the-3-date-rule-in-a-new-relationship/ar-BB1iPfaA?ocid=BingHp01&cvid=017f74369a92498d95ba724af0123462&ei=13

Three dates would be WAY too early for me, but everyone is different. I suspect it would take less time for some people if they were friends with the person before they started dating than if it’s someone they just met. I don’t think I could know for sure if the person was decent or not after just three dates. I’d MUCH rather have no sex than bad sex.

It depends on the personalities of the people involved, as well as the emotions and social circumstances.

There are certainly people who will desire physical intimacy by the third date, and others that won't.

I've known about the unofficial three date rule since I was a teen. Us Aspies are known for liking & needing to be told rules(I certainly do) but the problem with unofficial rules(especially social & datimg ones) is that there can be lots of exceptions which could majorly vary based on cicumstances & culture. In the case of dating, people can majorly vary on what they are wanting from a relationship & from a potential partner. In the case of myself, I never had an opportunity to do the dating thing. All three of my relationships started online & by the time we met offline things were very serious. I cant vote in this poll due to my lack of dating experience & the poll having no info about potential variables to consider.

I don't think there are any real rules about that. Do what is right for you, don't let pressure from others interfere with your own needs, wants, and be true to yourself. As long its consensual and nobody is forced, guilted, pushed, or harmed, that is strictly between the individuals involved.

In my dating experience, intimacy happened if the other person (female) wanted it, irrespective of how many times she and I had "gone out". Experienced women typically know what they want, and if they find themselves with somebody they're OK doing it with, then they aren't going to be bound by some arbitrary rule. Of course if they have issues related to having sex, such as past experience of SA, they may have trouble being comfortable having sex with anyone, but I seem to have never run across that when I was "dating".

It should happen when both people are comfortable - not on an arbitrary timeline.

If both people are ready on date 7 or 8, that's fine. If both people are ready on date 1, that's also fine.

The sample size would be too small and not sufficiently randomized to come to a conclusion based on an individual’s own experience. There doesn’t appear to be particularly good research on this topic. However, I came across this:


https://www.healthline.com/health/healt ... x#takeaway

They might often be more cautious, but I doubt they’d usually “have trouble being comfortable having sex with anyone.” Personally speaking, it needs to be with someone I truly care about and know very well, but I’ve always felt like that. I was just unaware about red flags and relationships in general in the past. I’d be comfortable with the right person. Knowing whether they are the right person would require way more than three dates for me, especially if I just met them.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 26 Feb 2024, 10:15 am, edited 5 times in total.

I think the "three date" thing is less about when it's optimal to have sex, and more about when it's palatable to bring it up.

If a guy brought up sex after the first date, a portion of women would feel that is way too early. She may think he's pervy or only cares about sex - and not the other parts of a relationship.

But if a guy brings it up after the third date (assuming the dates went well and theres some connection, even if she isn't interested or ready yet, she probably wouldn't fault him for bringing it up (as long as he's respectful about it and able to take no for an answer).

I would probably have sex after 3 dates simply because I am so STARVED and DEPRIVED of it!! !

So like I said before, for me it was almost always the woman who proposed having sex (that's a gross simplification though).

I saw the results from that survey and can't help thinking it's generational. Like people match on a dating app and there's a lot of real or imagined rules regarding how long to text, when to talk or chat, when to meet up for coffee, etc. Also, nowadays people want to test for STDs unlike 40-59 years ago. The fact is that women can be horny. Even a 22 year old can be horny if she's experienced having sex but isn't getting any at the moment. But when I was dating, such a young woman didn't have as many opportunities to meet guys. Especially if they were heavily into PIV. So I guess they had a set of minimal standards for attractiveness and respectability, and if satisfied those were met, they took their chances.

Believe it or not, that was my experience.

No one said that women can’t be horny. God created vibrators for a reason.

It’s not just about STDs, the risk of pregnancy, or rules - imaginary or otherwise although those things certainly play a role. There also could be safety concerns going on, especially due to greater awareness thanks to the #MeToo movement. Sometimes it takes time to build up sexual interest in a specific person too. Also, sex isn’t always enjoyable. There’s a gap in orgasms for men and women, for example, which could contribute towards women being more inclined to fulfill their own sexual needs until they are emotionally invested in someone.

In the US:



https://www.statista.com/statistics/136 ... ender-gap/

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 26 Feb 2024, 4:51 pm, edited 9 times in total.

I might get my chance soon once I possibly spend the night at Jonathan's house!

When to have sex?

1. It's something you have thought about and want with this other person.
2. You feel comfortable enough to discuss your sexual preferences (depending on your previous experience or lack thereof).
3. You have made plans and are prepared with your birth control of choice.
4. You have both (or all parties involved) have been screened for STD's.

For me, its fear of Trump being reelected and imposing Christian nationalist law on everybody.

https://www.xbiz.com/news/279972/conservative-groups-plan-to-criminalize-porn-is-part-of-campaign-to-end-all-recreational-sex

Yes. I agree with this.