Complicated girl

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Ok, so here's my fairly recent story (I'm new to these forums so bear with me)

I was on my way home from a huge week-long event in Indiana. When I got on the bus, a girl (who I had been acquainted with previously) had saved me a seat. We got talking for about an hour, and then since we were really tired, we ended up cuddling for the remaining 14 hours. I think that was about the best bus ride of my life I could tell we both had major feelings for each other.

For the two weeks following, I decided to go work as a camp counselor at the camp where she worked, but it was weird. She didn't seem to display any feelings for me at all. It's not as if we didn't get along, but we didn't talk too much. I was pretty confused. But on the very last night, when we counselors were watching movies all night, the exact same thing that happened on the bus happened here. We cuddled the whole time.

But now, whenever I try to discuss a relationship between me and her, she would find a way to avoid the topic. And she seems to be making up excuses to not go on a 1st date. We email each other on and off, and it seems she alternates having interest in a relationship and not having any interest at all. I'm very confused. Is this worth the energy? Is she just playing hard-to-get? Can anybody help me make sense of this? I don't know what to do.

I'm 19, if that helps. Thanks.


-Maxx

I'm not a proven success in any way, shape or form in as relationships are concerned but I have been growing more practiced on the subject... I'm not sure what to make of this really... are you persisting a bit? Maybe she's intimidated by this? Not saying that approach is wrong like, but well - obviously everyone's different... some more intimidated with this stuff.
Perhaps she's had bad experiences in the past and has adapted a different style? Very out of the blue for me to say that... but it's possible from these actions. I'd say don't persist on the subject, but slowly try to get closer. Only when you're sure it's the right time to bring up the subject bring it up, in my experience it's the only time that works...
Sorry if this isn't much help bud. Good luck anyhow man.

Just keep cuddling, what do you want a 'date' for? She probably doesn't want to go on a formal date.

I don't think she's actually interested in you. I hate to tell you this but a lot of NT teenage girls would think nothing of cuddling with someone in a situation like a long bus ride or at a movie. It probably meant a lot more to you than it did to her.

Spot17 may be right imo - intimacy & passion are not the same thing. I think the sense of intimacy from a prolonged cuddle can be incredibly intense for a sensitive aspie, especially if your experiencing it for the first time.

I think she doesn't think a thing about it.
I think she knows exactly what she wants and that is a cuddle when she wants one.

as long as that is all you want, then happiness reigns supreme

why do men have to think they are engaged just because they are close to a girl, anyway?

Merle

It sounds to me as though she likes being fairly independent but, like a lot of independent people, she sometimes feels lonely. Everybody needs a hug from time to time.

HOWEVER she does not seem to want a full-on relationship and trying to persuade her otherwise will almost certainly be counter-productive. If you can be calm and happy as friends the I'd leave things alone and just get to know her like that. It sounds to me like she doesn't want a complex relationship but at the same time she values people who allow her to be herself, and whom she can trust. Provided she's reasonable and doesn't treat you badly then this is fair enough.

Maybe next time, go for a little grope?

Not that complicated. If hugging her is a great experience as you say continue. The rest well how the hell would we know ? Maybe she doesn't know. Stick around and find out. Don't force the issue too much. Jainaday pointed out the risks, just be aware but no reason to bolt yet

A lot of people including myself find it extremely hard to get close to people. I can see myself wanting to test the water so to speak. I can think of no better way that hugging someone I care about. It is somehow different; I tend to pat on the back without embracing fully anyone else.

I do get the feeling that she may not want a full-blown relationship, but if that's the case, why can't she just tell me? I feel like she's leaving me hangin. I'd much rather be dissapointed for a few days than be hanging on to false hopes for who knows how long.

Unfortunately, seeing her would be a bit of an issue. She lives 45 minutes away from my house, and while the trip would be well worth it, we'd have to arrange something, and as I've already said that's something I haven't been able to do.

Neither of us had been in a relationship before, so I figured her and I could start out in a decent relationship. It seems however that starting out is far trickier than I thought.

I dunno...I guess it's no use trying to pursue it any further. I hate more than anything the thought of giving this up, but any more attempts from me and it could damage whatever relationship we have I suppose. Just one thing...is it always this complicated? I really hope not. Things seemed to make so much sense, but it looks like that was just an illusion.

I'm just guessing that at certain moments,
she wants either just the closeness, OR to
get some quick action. From there, who knows?

It may have been a platonic cuddle, she obviously gives out confusing signals or shes is unsure of her feelings.

I've never had a platonic cuddle ,
other than with someone I was already with,
but that may just be the warnings
that I seem to give out that everyone
should stay the f**k away from me.