Aspies, can you read your partner well

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25 Aug 2007, 2:38 am

There are some aspies who can read their spouse really well or partner but no one else. Is there any of you who can read your boyfriend or girlfriend or spouse's non verbal cues, body language, understand their emotions, pick up on them, etc.


I can read my boyfriend pretty well and he can read me well but we both have troubles reading other people. My boyfriend isn't an aspie though, he has many symptoms of it though.



Asparval
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25 Aug 2007, 3:31 am

We are seperated now but I could read my wife like a book.

Unfortunately it was an entry level basic "learning to read" picture book.



Jainaday
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25 Aug 2007, 10:55 am

I read people in general particularly well. . . But that's been a huge obsession for me.

My best friend sometimes teases that I have telepathy; he says I read him better than anyone he's ever met, and I've only known him for about a year. He's autistic, and can read me some. . . it's annoying at times, because he tends to ignore what he notices, that's how insecure he is about his ability. Of course, he and I click exceptionally well. . . it looks to me like he emotes very loudly, but he says no one else notices, including his (ostensably NT) mother.

And another theory-

I'm pretty sure that I read aspies and other "spectrum" folks better. For example, the aforementioned best friend recently dated a very NT girl. I liked her a lot, and I could pick up more general sorts of emotes, but for the most part I honestly had no idea what was going on in her head, which is unusual for me.

Plus, my family is pretty much all somewhere on the spectrum, so that's where I've had the most experience.

But for getting good at reading strangers- Bartenief movement analysis, my friends. . . all the way.
Of course, I'm a maybe aspie, so it could be it wouldn't work as well for others with more severe aspie characteristics.


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Yameretzu
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25 Aug 2007, 2:54 pm

I read him well but sometimes he's really good at it and other times such as now he doesn't have a clue.

We aren't speaking because he patronised me and it made me angry. It takes a lot to get me angry but patronise me and it really gets me stressed.



edal
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25 Aug 2007, 4:42 pm

After six years together I'm just starting to get it right. This sort of thing takes a LOT of practice if you're an AS sufferer but if you see the same facial expressions again and again you will (eventually) see the patterns of the mind beneath.

Ed Almos



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25 Aug 2007, 4:58 pm

Not too well yet.

It's an interesting puzzle I am slowly figuring out.


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27 Aug 2007, 11:54 am

likedcalico wrote:
There are some aspies who can read their spouse really well or partner but no one else. Is there any of you who can read your boyfriend or girlfriend or spouse's non verbal cues, body language, understand their emotions, pick up on them, etc.
I can read my boyfriend pretty well and he can read me well but we both have troubles reading other people. My boyfriend isn't an aspie though, he has many symptoms of it though.

I'm female & have AS. Boyfriend is NT & quite skilled socially & interpersonally. I can't "read" most people at all, and my ability to guess "right" with him is only from years of practice & constant checking. His face seems much less expressive than mine (and he'd likely agree with me on that)-but I pick up on other things about him that may reflect his internal state. When he's even less verbally responsive than his usual self, I ask if he's down (mad or sad) about something.
He's generally mellow & on an even keel, quite unlike me (which is both annoying & wonderful, if you can imagine). My moods swing wildly, at times-I'm subject to intense enthusiasms & crushing despondencies thoughout the day. I can be hard for someone to "read" bc. I've got several simultaneous things going on in my brain, and feel conflicted & all over the place, all at once.
Guess my answer is "sort of". He & I are certainly much more attuned to each other than with anyone else in either of our lives.
I've never met another person w/ the dx, so dunno' if I'd have a clue where that person was coming from-the dx seems so very different in each individual (from my reading books & online).


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woodsman25
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28 Aug 2007, 5:23 am

I just started dating a girl i have known for 12 years. I can say that I cannot read her at all, and she obviously cant read me, i had a dream about it lastnight actually, and it was insane, we were in a resteraunt and she was talking to me then suddenly she saw a guy and he saw her, they started talking and made out infront of me while i sat at another table 8O . ya weird right?

I think its a problem, i want to be with her, but she thinks maby im not interested, probably wonders why 1 day we go bowling and the next I just dont even bother talking to her for days, assuming maby she wants space, as do i. Its not a typical relationship, we both like eachother. Problem is I dont know what to do, so we just go out and do stuff, I feel since she cant read me but wants me to be happy, she allowes me to decide what we do at all times, its a serious problem, i cant tell is shes happy, mad, bored, ect...

I told her I liked her, but its hard to show because I just dont know how. I think im going to leave a message on her phone right now, heh :oops:


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28 Aug 2007, 9:55 am

Not currently in a relationship, but I am adequately experienced.

I am borderline AS/NT, so I imagine it would be easier for me to read what the other person is thinking. I know the flirting and romantic cues, so I know very well what the other person is going to do. Every relationship and every person is different, so there is no cookie-cutter approach to this.

For example, as far as flirting, I have seen everything from winking to flashing boobs (a girl in high school actually did that to me).

Tim


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