I don't understand why I can't get a woman! [! SATIRE !]

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I'm a 22 year old virgin (sad, I know, I might as well just pull the trigger now). I have absolutely no idea why I cant get a girlfriend!! I mean, I've been asking every single human female that breathes within a 3 mile radius of me (I already tried the ones that don't breathe, they won't even respond to me) if they'll be my girlfriend, or even just f**k me, and nothings come from it. I mean, they all are f*****g 5 different chads every weekend anyways, because everyone knows that all women are harlots, so just having sex with me shouldn't be so hard for them. But, even with all of my very hinged and romantic attempts to swoon them (such as begging them to date me 5 seconds after I lay my eyes on them, telling them they are too fat, showing up at their house, etc) they all end up calling me a "creep", tell me to "stop following them home from work/school/etc.", that they'll "get a restraining order" if I "don't stop calling their new phone number to threaten to kill myself", etc.

I've done nothing wrong, but femoids- I mean, females, are just so mean to men like me. I've never had a job, I barely graduated high school, I don't shower, and have absolutely zero (and I mean zero) hobbies... Well, besides for watching Andrew Tate videos and venting anonymously online about not being able to get some vagene. Besides for those two things, I've been way too busy trying to get a girlfriend and no one, especially women, understand how important this is to me. I literally have no time for self improvement (though I've been physically cucked by God and thus couldn't ever improve myself anyways if I tried, I'm 6'7" which is far too short and if you're not 7'11" women won't even look at you) and need to just focus on chasing women!

I'm beginning to think that the entire female species is hysterical and crazy and for not instantly falling for a man like me! Please help me figure out what I'm doing wrong (though, once again, don't tell me to do anything to actually fix myself and make myself desirable, that's a waste of my time) so I can finally get a girlfriend! :'(

Did you ever stop and consider the idea that maybe -- just maybe -- you are coming across as desperate?

Desperation seems to be a big turnoff for many women.

And, believe it or not, women DO warn each other about desperate men.

EDIT: I re-read the final paragraph AFTER I'd had my coffee.  Now I see you were just directing sarcasm toward the "Women are bad because they won't date me" attitude.  Carry on!

Last edited by Fnord on 03 Apr 2023, 7:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Are you sure you're tall enough to have a girlfriend?

Have you tried sending them nude photos?
Reciting poetry? (You can find some on Wikipedia)
Telling lots of lies?

If you know any Alpha males they might have extras?

Worst case is there a Claw machine near you?

I'm totally not desperate and I don't see how my behaviour could ever come off as that! You must be just as crazy as women are for even suggesting that.

I love desperation! There's nothing more heartwarming to a person than the full knowledge that they are only being pursued because they have the right plumbing and appear to be available.

This might work. ^

If you can't drive, just stand in front of her mother's car.

Maybe blast this song on repeat:


https://youtu.be/TH_YbBHVF4g

Man, you have this attitude fit to a T.  Are you sure you're not just pulling our chains?

I'm sorry but my takeaway from your OP was the word 'vagene' , I'm giggling inside like a schoolboy

Like I said, everyone knows females don't date men that aren't over 7'11". That's why me not getting a girlfriend at 6'7" is totally entirely out of my control and not my fault.

Already tried that, I send every woman that will text me a picture of my wee wee as a conversation starter. They all keep blocking me, and then reporting me when I get a new number or make a new account to send them more pics (maybe I haven't sent them enough angles or enough examples of it in different lighting for them to appreciate this romantic gesture, I dunno). Absolutely insane behaviour from them, I know.

Also, poetry is super gay, and I can't even read so I don't know how I would "recite poetry" to a woman anyways. But I'm not gay so I wouldn't ever want to recite poetry in the first place!

And what use would I have for an Alpha male? Once again, I'm totally, for sure, without a doubt (I never doubt this, it's a fact) not gay.

Here's a few more tips:

- Write a 10,000 word xxx porn story about shagging her, and post it to her favourite social media haunt late at night when there's no mods on duty!! Make sure to use lots of identifiers which you can get by trolling all 50,000 of her entries on that site. Maybe keep a catalogue of all her details for quick reference!


- Make multiple versions of yourself so you can troll her everywhere she goes! She's bound to like one of them!

- Keep a close eye on her using CCTV.

- Try to find out if she's into any perverse bodily functions and use them as a conversation starter.

- If she tells you to stop, remind her that you know better what's good for her!

Last edited by IsabellaLinton on 03 Apr 2023, 7:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Maybe try varying the locales where you take the pics. Laundromats are always a good choice.

Do you have a horse, by any chance?

Have you used terms of endearment? "Sweet ______" is extremely popular.

- Find out if she has PTSD, and get her to tell you all about it.

- Mention it all the time so she feels extra anxious.

- Girls don't usually think straight when they're anxious, so it could help.