My experience dating a fellow aspie

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I published this before in another thread but it got no responses. So I figured I would make it a thread.
I dated an autistic woman for two and a half years but she broke up with me because I was too afraid to have sex with her. soon after she broke up with me. she started seeing another guy with autism, had a kid with him and apparently had the kid taken away from her. I still feel really bad for myself and for her. I feel as though I threw away my only chance at a relationship since no NT Girl would ever take me because I don't drive and have severe social anxiety and still live with my parents.

Out out curiosity, did her new boyfriend retain custody, or was the kid taken away from both of them?

Are you still friends with her?

I think it was taken from both of them but I have no concrete information.

I am not. I only know about her situation because one of my relatives never unfriends anyone on facebook. I feel a strong sense of guilt considering I had what many autistic people only dream of and I threw it away.

When you were together, was she pressuring you for just sex -OR- more specifically was she pressuring you to get her pregnant so she could have a kid?

That could be the one silver lining. If you had had sex with her, you might have a kid that you couldn't see, or that your parents would be forced to raise.

Do you know why the kid was taken from her? Did her parents end up raising it or is it a DYFUS case? Sounds like she wasn't mentally stable.

EDIT: I was referring to DYFS (pronounced Die-fiss) which stands for Division of Youth and Family Services which is specific to the state of New Jersey, USA. It's simply the government agency that intervenes when a child is in jeopardy or the parents are deemed unfit to raise a child. Thought it was a Federal agency, my apologies. Either way, if neither you nor her were fit to raise a child, the government agency in your jurisdiction may have taken the kid away, so you dodged a bullet of sorts. Sad when these things happen.

Last edited by ezbzbfcg2 on 27 Aug 2024, 2:06 am, edited 2 times in total.

I understand that you feel bad, for yourself and for her, and that you worry that might have been your one chance. But maybe there will be other chances, and feeling bad is not good for you if you can help it or get beyond it. It doesn't seem like there's anything you could have done differently. It might be best for you to try to forgive yourself.

She was pressuring me for sex. She bought condoms at one point but I was too scared to even attempt it with condoms. plus her father had people making calls to my mom begging her not to let us do anything. I did everything sexual with her that I was comfortable doing. My gut feeling is she wanted a baby because her sister was pregnant around the time she left me and she wanted to be like her sister.

You didn't throw it away.
If you weren't ready or interested for sex then you weren't a compatible couple.
The same actually happened to one of my exbf's before we were together.
He was married to her but didn't want / have sex with her.
She left him and had a baby with someone else.
They ended up staying friends but that doesn't happen for everyone.

Try not to blame yourself.
Some couples just aren't compatible.

I was interested in sex but was not willing to risk it under those circumstances. I did not have a job at the time and I did want a child eventually but not at that exact moment. She had to break up with me. I would never have broken up with her. I wanted to marry her though there were some glaring differences between us.

You were very smart to make that choice. I don't think anyone should have sex, even with contraception, unless they're both willing to have a baby or multiples and stay in contact the rest of their lives. There's no escaping a coparent.

I get that feeling. The only problem is I am unlikely to find another girl with autism and she may have been the best shot I had.

What is a DYFUS case?

She's not a "best shot" though.
She's a person with her own needs separate from yours.

No one wants to feel like someone's consolation prize.

I understand that completely. It took me until I was 27 to find her, We broke up at 29. I am 34 now and still have not found anybody else. I did feel back then that in the long run the relationship would not work, . I know in my heart I did the right thing but my brain won't cooperate.

Hate to be frank about this but , i think you may have just dodged a bullit ....NOT A good thing to marry just to be a ""surrogate father"", Even if the woman is a Aspie.. Even for money, Sorry am alittle old school here, but would like to think love , might be the primary drive for sex or marriage. Just my Opinion. Best Wishes in your future experiences.