Female false red flag signals

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So Im trying to find a way to articulate this...

It seems like women, autistic or not seem to over analyze signals from men and just kind of have this standard of how all men should act or interact, and any man who "seems off" or "does a weird movement," they immediately place him in the "danger zone." Ive noticed it pretty much my whole life, but half the time if you bring it up, you're the one that gets attacked for the observation. How is it even possible for an autistic or someone with some mental health thing like adhd or Tourettes, to talk to a woman without triggering their "danger sense?" It honestly just feels like prejudice at this point to me. I've had multiple girlfriends, to be clear, but nothing lasted and it was all in high school when no one understood signals. But Im mostly talking about adult life after high school, because that's when everyone puts their guard up and has past trauma of some sort. I dont even pursue women anymore because of this, but it still makes me sad. Idk, this is part rant but part me genuinely wanting answers

Many women do seem to have a heightened threat-sense.  Maybe you are doing nothing overt, but the way you move, the way you look at them, the tone of your voice, or a mere gesture could trigger their threat-sense and inspire them to have nothing to do with you.  I do not pretend to understand it -- it just happens.

I wonder if you have someone you trust in your life, like a female friend or family member, you could ask about this topic who might know what you’re doing specifically that’s making women wary/think there’s red flags.

I’ve experienced a lot of abuse and harassment in my life, even recently, and am very cautious about who I trust. I like people who are atypical and quirky, but it takes time for me to build up trust with anyone. Some things that I consider red flags when I first meet someone - staring, especially at body parts, touchy-feeliness, any hint of sexism, seeming desperate, being dismissive of female concerns/issues, and stalkery behavior. Sometimes I’m just uncomfortable and haven’t worked through why. Even if I think I might like someone, I’m cautious and try to build a friendship with the person before dating them. I wouldn’t date a random person who approached me. I think I’ve seen too much of the dark side of people to automatically trust them. I’m cautious with women, too, but men are typically bigger and/or stronger.

I don’t think women are typically overanalyzing signals so much as being cautious due to valid safety concerns. Most women experience harassment at some point in their lives and some experience even worse behavior or know people who have.

If a woman labels you a creep or implies you are one, as a dude, they are effectively socially demeaning you and if you have some issue like Tourette's Syndrome which might disturb a woman even when you can't help the movements, the problem is with them, not you.

Do what they do to you - socially relegate them in your mind to a low priority and don't let them enter your mind in any significant way.

I don't understand all this red flag business me

I think that this is a very real problem.

Humans are very attuned to subtleties in social interactions, so they tend to immediately notice the smallest difference, like someone looking away while talking, responding too slowly or too quickly, being to sudden, too blunt, standing too close, saying something awkward, like trying to give a compliment but saying something that is too personal or intrusive. This sends off alarm bells because it's not what is expected, even if it's completely harmless.

I don't know what the answer is. It may be possible to study these behaviors and try to avoid them, but it might be too difficult, or not possible.

I think part of the problem is that in trying to identify creeps and creepy behavior in order to protect women, men who are just awkward have been swept up under that umbrella. It might help to remember that disability like ASD and other neurodivergence is also a protected category, like gender. One does not take precedence over the other, but most often we assume that gender takes precedence over "awkwardness" because we don't recognize that it's an actual disability in many cases. Perhaps we can work on trying to foster a culture of acceptance of slight oddities in behavior and to distinguish it from actual predatory and threatening behavior, which actually has very little or nothing in common with awkwardness.

It seems to be the in thing these days to look out for these red flags...you do get a bit bored of it

I wish we could just go back to plain old intuition it was way easier and much more civilised

People don't see people anymore, they just see red flags and to be fair not everyone is out to get everyone just because they may have a quirk of personality or a broken nose

Intuition didn’t work out that well for me. I wish I was more aware of red flags when I was younger because I could’ve avoided a lot of messed up s**t.

I don’t find stuff like quirkiness a red flag, though. It’s something I like and am drawn to. Of course, I guess it comes down to people having different preferences and views.

I do think that if someone is consistently struggling with something figuring out why and trying to work on it might be a good idea if they want to improve their prospects. Society isn’t going to change anytime soon, especially not when harassment and assault are still huge problems.

My intuition has probably saved my life on many occasions because unfortunately the most dangerous people are really good at hiding their red flags