Have you been in a romantic relationship with another Aspie?

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I've never been in a relationship with another Aspie. I'm curious about how it's been for others who have had that experience. I imagine it could be a much better match, since both partners would likely share similar needs, such as a preference for structured routines, clearer communication styles, or specific sensory needs. It seems like these commonalities could make for a deeper mutual understanding and a smoother dynamic. Has anyone else had this experience, and if so, how did it go?

Also, if you have or haven't do you think you'd prefer it?

No, but I think I'm better off having my complementary ADHD partner.
The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

Yes. My last relationship was with a scientist that over time, I concluded might be on the spectrum. It is always a risk trying to diagnose others. I would say that I had about 75% confidence. I probably should have kept my opinion to myself, however, but it was not a significant factor in our break-up.

I think such relationships (between aspies) form quite naturally due to sameness. One is more willing to accept the things that one recognizes in oneself. Whereas, the NTs are highly judgemental and regard a lot of aspie traits as weirdness. They are not willing to accept. NTs prefer other NTs in my experience.

My previous marriage was to a high-functioning social operator NT. That is what I regard as the "super NT on steroids." The one that remembers all names, all faces, and job and family histories to the third generation. The one that throws a party, and fifty people show up. That happened a lot at our house, ha ha.

My first girlfriend, a local in my area had ADHD. I have dated a few other women with autism over the years, usually only short-term, however.

My experiences have been varied, some good eggs, some not so great.

I feel as though I wouldn't even bother trying to date an NT as I don't want to be seen as the oddball or a burden in a relationship. I would rather be with someone who understands what it is like to have autism and/or the associated issues that might come with that.

An important part of a relationship that autistic folk generally have a better time understanding one another with, is time alone and balancing that with time spent together.

A lot of NTs are more inclined to be 'on top of each other' as the saying goes, in a relationship, whereas autistic folk are likely more happy to do at least some communicating via electronic means and to respect personal space, more, from what I can understand of the differences between NT/autistic.

I believe I've dated other AuDHD individuals.

Once. It was long distance and she had no sex drive. Plus she was a right-wing religious extremist, so even if she did have a libido, she would have been saving herself for marriage.

I think so with either Dustin or Robbie but I am not 100% sure...

i had more of a friendship instead of a relationship with another woman aspie, i refuse to call her an ex.

Nope. Shoot I never even been on a date.

Before meeting my wife, I was in 2 relatively long-term relationships with women both of whom I believe were on the autism spectrum, although superficially they seemed very different. Most notably, they were both cisgender heterosexual women, which may be unusual for autistic women.

Pros: Neither seemed to crave attention as have many of my other partners. Neither felt the need for frequent reassurance of my feelings for her. Although I have always been a loner, I could spend days in either's company without developing any "social fatigue".

Cons: The first one may not have really "loved" me in the usual sense. It was more like she decided we were a couple so therefore we were, by definition, in love. She would pressure me about marriage, but later admitted that was silly and apologized for having put me through that. The second one was intensely into me but wasn't able to express her feelings in a straightforward way (I believe she had alexithymia). Also, just as autistic men tend to sexually objectivize their partners, both of them did as well and the topic of penis size seemed to come up in different ways, in contrast this has never been an issue with other relationships (which matters as I am not well-endowed). Also neither seemed to be naturally monogamous (although I won't go into detail on that).

To summarize, being in relationships with 2 ostensibly autistic female parents was very easy — once it was decided we were a couple, there were almost no emotional demands and sex was basically available as much as I desired as neither ever expressed a need to be in the "proper mood" for intimate contact; but at the same time emotional bonds didn't seem to develop as strongly as they have with my wife.

Of course this could be different for two people who have been diagnosed with autism and are getting relationship counselling. Even so, it's probably better that I married neither of these 2 women, although for reasons I won't go into, I sort of feel as though I should have married the 2nd even though such a marriage probably wouldn't have lasted.

I actually suspect my bf to be on the spectrum

It doesn't really matter to be fair and he is blissfully unaware of his symptoms so I would never bring it up because he has a really good life and he doesn't need to know and I can quite happily get along with his routines and rigidity around things and his special interests and I don't mind his monologues...in fact I find them quite soothing and it also means I don't have to speak

instead of me being literal, i'm sure the relationship happend like they normally do

My ex had what I definitely recognize now as signs of being autistic, but I recognize I can't just go diagnosing her as I am not an expert and am not screening her. Lol. It's just that there's a reason her and I had so much chemistry together (however much it didn't last ). We had very similar traits.

The most recent person I fell in love with is autistic. But we were never together.

So, nobody I've been in a romantic relationship with was diagnosed autistic or ADHD, but I had my suspicions and so did they. In my case the communication issues were compounded. I was bad at communicating. They were bad at communicating. We bad communicated ourselves into breakups.

I've never dated anybody who was NT to compare so I have no way of knowing if I'd prefer them, but it's entirely possible I'd just bad communicate myself into another breakup. Since I'm the common denominator.

well it was more of a friendship instead of a relationship, due to the lack of intimacy.

You've complained multiple times about the lack of physical intimacy, but did the relationship lack emotional intimacy as well? Sorry to be nosy, I'm just curious.