Whatever happened to standard, painless, rejection?

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Whenever I have gotten rejected by girls (which is many times), I never got the standard:

1. I don't like you, get away from me
2. I'm not interested.
3. No.

Or the sugar-coated rejection phrases (they may not be as harsh as the earlier ones, but at least they get the message accross):

1. You're just not my type.
2. I like you, but I don't like-you-like-you.
3. I have a boyfriend/girlfriend.
4. Let's just be friends.
5. I just don't have the time.
6. It's not you, it's me.

...The rejection I've been getting is the worst. They lead me on by giving me phone numbers, email adresses, and showing strong interest (they all volunteer these things, I don't ask for them).

Then they cut me out of communication entirely, don't respond to my emails, don't call, and worst of all, they can't just say "I'm not interested...".

Whatever happened to just good ol' fashioned rejection?

Perhaps they are afraid of hurting you, and therefore feel it is better to simply cut off communication (hoping that you will forget them and move on) rather than verbally rejecting you.

They don't realise that being ignored hurts far more than being told "No".

It is best not to take it personally; I don't think they understand how hurtful they are being.

I understand what you're saying.

However, there are ways to reject someone without saying "no". They don't have to be truthful, but there is no way of me finding out anyways.

"I have a boyfriend/ I found someone else, sorry."
"I got back together with my ex."
"I just discovered that I'm lesibian, so I'm not into guys"

Right, I haven't been laid in 6 months and I'm just going to "forget" about the hottie who gave me her phone number last weekend.

See this is one of the concepts of NT's I find to be most irritating.
I know everyone has a different oppinion but seriously - I just can't think that an aspie would do this...
Apologies to the NT's on this site - I know I'm generalising a bit lol but I know everyone is different and not all people do this. But tbh I do think this is more a NT thing. Although, tbh, a bit different - being that we 'were' together, but my ex wasn't NT, she was ADHD, but I still pretty much detest her for what she did lol. Perhaps I shouldn't, and tbh I don't really care anymore, but I'm not a man that stands for taking pain at all... I no longer stand up when being impaled on a spear I react angrilly and pull it out, lashing around at the attackers with the very weapon they used to impale me, even if I know I'm not going to do the same thing to them I still like to REALLY prove a point... I really grind it in and try to be as difficult as possible when things go wrong for me instead of lamenting.

Is this wrong? lol

I know in this concept it's an excuse, but I find that when people do that for real it's most intriguing... I for one would dread the thought of ever trying to get back with an ex nowadays - no matter who be it, in whatever time in the future.
Having said that, I am only human. I may say I'll never want that and things but everyone can make strange choices... everyone can make decisions out of character - sometimes like when Real Madrid lose to Santander for instance... not something they'd usually fall for at all.

I know this is a strange style and perhaps bares no relevance to the subject but I like to bable... lol sorry people.

Yeah, I feel you completely. I just got over a chick that played that game with me. She gave me her number, smiled at me all the time, always said “hi”, and gave me every indication that she liked me, but now she’s getting back with her ex that treats her like garbage. I see her crying or really upset every now and then, and she told me that he’s the cause of that, but apparently they’re getting “serious” now. She must have known him for so long that she just can’t imagine her life without him. Of course it’s fine with me, except that it makes me feel like a disposable mass of flesh and blood.

I can’t stand NT women anymore or the games they play. I’m trying my hand with aspie ladies now.

It's not you it's me
(if its anyone its me not you! how dare you say its you when its me)

I hate some of the "guy" excuses as well as the girl excuses

"We can still be friends" (I can bonk whoever I like and you don't get to complain)
"I'm not ready to settle down yet" (and then they are with somebody else within a week)
"You're nice but....(since you won't be my personal slave and don't meet up to my exacting standards, you'll just have to go).

There's no easy way of breaking things off, I know that. But it's kinder to just say "I'm sorry but I don't love you any more" or "we need to call it off". A clean break is kindest then rather than continually seeing them and getting their hopes up.

In general, our society encourages shallowness and disposable relationships/friendships so it is hard to find people who are serious about making them work.

dear JK,

I sympathise 150% with your post.

I am 33 and have not had any experiences whatsoever, never had sex of any kind, never touched or kissed or even hugged somebody.

I have lost count of the number of ladies who have given me the same treatment that you receive....they just ignore me for the most part, don't quite understand why.

Is it "Aspies" who don't understand the rejection like NTs?

However, all of the other (perhaps more polite or civil) responses that you so accurately and insightfully listed have also been thrown my way,.....every single one of them....for the last 20 years since Junior Hi School.

So, dude, you are not alone. Count yourself lucky if you have had ANY sexual or romantic or intimate I guess the word would be, experiences.

Major clinical suicidal Depression/Ideation is usually the product of repeated years - nay of decades - of this kind of scenario you describe. I'm with you all the way!

"You're a great/lovely/really nice guy, but..." is the one I've come across the most.

Just a straight-out "No" would be far better than trying to soften the impact. A simple negative answer is far less troublesome and ego-destroying than "I think you'd be a great catch... for somebody else, because they'd clearly have to be as desperate and needy as you are to even consider letting you touch them".

Yes, I realise that's not how it's usually meant to be taken, but that's the way it comes across. The next time somebody tries to feed me that line (that's even assuming there IS a next time), I will have to make this clear.

Yeah, a lot of people are like that. You know what? Just screw that and forget about them.

Sometimes it's easier to act like an a-hole. Girls like it more for whatever reason and it's easier on you if you're rejected. Not caring about anything is sometimes a better attitude. Just don't forget your compassion.

I notice girls are also more inclined to attach to somebody who isn't as much into them as they are into you. Girls hate being the praise target but they still want to know that their loved.



Maybe you should 'play' with them a bit before asking them. You have to make them develop groupnd feelings for you if not they can be quite heartless. Their not like us buddy. We all just want some love.

All I need is for someone to love me.. Apparently thats too much to ask.. But I relate to all of those rejections and more so yea your not alone buddy.. Just hang in there.. Even though its nearly impossible.. Well maybe it is I dont know your situation though.
f**k Im so lonely

Do AS girls do this? NT’s are raised to say polite things with their mouth while sending out the body language that they just aren’t interested. There usually isn’t a particular reason we are not interested, there is just no reason to be interested.

Because some guys don’t get the “hint”, I have learned to be direct and simply say “you don’t fit into my lifestyle”. How do I know this 5 seconds after someone says hi? Quick processing and intuition. NT’s see the whole picture first and the details they pick out later. It is usually subconscious when we are turned off by something (or turned on, for that matter) or someone and so minuet we can’t even pick up on it.

Don’t take it personally when they are giving you the runaround. You are not being rejected. You simply are not being accepted. Think about a huge table full of desserts. Out of all the desserts, you grab a cookie. You select one that is most appealing to your taste. Did you reject the chocolate cake when you selected the cookies? No, you accepted what appealed to your personal taste. It’s just how society dictates politeness. Don’t ever feel badly about being direct with someone either. Perhaps you can teach NT’s good, effective communication skills by interacting with them and getting them familiar with directness.

BTW, my mother raised me to be “nice to everyone” even if you don’t like them because they may have a friend you do like. Also, in my younger years, I would give out the local police department number when a guy I wasn’t interested in asked for my number. Why??? Because I was uncomfortable being direct and straying from the inclination to be polite and not hurt someone’s feelings. Now that I am wiser, I don’t care about hurting someone’s feelings and it is simpler to be direct. Not always appreciated, but I’m not out to please a complete stranger anymore.