Feel bad for being attracted to women younger than me

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chris1989
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02 Dec 2024, 1:00 pm

As a 30+ year old man, I still find myself attracted to women in their early 20s. It makes me feel as though I should ONLY date and be attracted to women my own age but then what about men five years younger than me. Is it okay to date women in their mid 20s in their early 30s. It feels like one rule for me and another for those just a few years younger. The thing is spent most of the 20s being single although I did see a few people (one of whom I wanted a relationship with but she didn't and another wanted one with me but I didn't as I wasn't ready).



BTDT
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02 Dec 2024, 1:07 pm

No you shouldn't. Most women are at their peak attractiveness at that age to men of all ages.

On the other hand, you have to be realistic about your chances of hooking up with an attractive woman.



TwilightPrincess
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02 Dec 2024, 1:14 pm

There isn’t anything wrong with it. If you were dead set on ONLY dating someone in that age group, it might unnecessarily limit your options and you could miss out on someone who’s great for you in other ways.

What other qualities do you find attractive and look for?



chris1989
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02 Dec 2024, 3:54 pm

How come it still gets frowned upon if an older man is seen with an younger woman ? I live with two people who met when they were 28 and 45, my mum and her partner Chris and they've been with each other since. I do sometimes find myself attracted to some older women but I seem to still prefer to date a young woman.



bee33
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02 Dec 2024, 4:15 pm

It's not frowned on. It has a long history. But if an older woman dates a younger man then that does attract gossip.



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02 Dec 2024, 5:53 pm

"Women are most fertile in their teens and 20s. Their fertility begins to drop, begins to decline in their 30s, while the chances of them conceiving( which means getting pregnant) in their 40s are slim to none.

It’s often argued and said that men are biologically attracted to younger women for this reason. Even if they consciously don’t want children, their mind is programmed through thousands, millions of years of evolution to be attracted to and desire signs of fertility such as a youthful face, large perky boobs, and a high hip-to-waist ratio.

This is why it makes no sense to shame, to criticize or to bash older men for being attracted, for liking younger women. It's literally in our DNA."

Nature can be disgusting and cruel



chris1989
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04 Dec 2024, 11:16 am

WantToHaveALife wrote:
"Women are most fertile in their teens and 20s. Their fertility begins to drop, begins to decline in their 30s, while the chances of them conceiving( which means getting pregnant) in their 40s are slim to none.

It’s often argued and said that men are biologically attracted to younger women for this reason. Even if they consciously don’t want children, their mind is programmed through thousands, millions of years of evolution to be attracted to and desire signs of fertility such as a youthful face, large perky boobs, and a high hip-to-waist ratio.

This is why it makes no sense to shame, to criticize or to bash older men for being attracted, for liking younger women. It's literally in our DNA."

Nature can be disgusting and cruel


Does the woman feel the same way when she sees a man older than her ? For example, did Robert de niro's wife feel that way before had his last child recently at the age of 79 ?



BTDT
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04 Dec 2024, 12:09 pm

Many women still desire to be "stay at home moms."
This desire makes wealthy and high earning men attractive to woman who want to have kids.
I remember a social studies class of thirty around 1974. Three students out of thirty had moms who stayed at home.



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04 Dec 2024, 1:05 pm

chris1989 wrote:
As a 30+ year old man, I still find myself attracted to women in their early 20s. It makes me feel as though I should ONLY date and be attracted to women my own age but then what about men five years younger than me. Is it okay to date women in their mid 20s in their early 30s. It feels like one rule for me and another for those just a few years younger. The thing is spent most of the 20s being single although I did see a few people (one of whom I wanted a relationship with but she didn't and another wanted one with me but I didn't as I wasn't ready).


I have always felt most attracted to women who are about 25 years old. That was true when I was 19 and it is still true today.

That said, at my current age, I wouldn't actually date any women that young.


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05 Dec 2024, 10:02 pm

chris1989 wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
"Women are most fertile in their teens and 20s. Their fertility begins to drop, begins to decline in their 30s, while the chances of them conceiving( which means getting pregnant) in their 40s are slim to none.

It’s often argued and said that men are biologically attracted to younger women for this reason. Even if they consciously don’t want children, their mind is programmed through thousands, millions of years of evolution to be attracted to and desire signs of fertility such as a youthful face, large perky boobs, and a high hip-to-waist ratio.

This is why it makes no sense to shame, to criticize or to bash older men for being attracted, for liking younger women. It's literally in our DNA."

Nature can be disgusting and cruel


another good example is of the late Anna Nicole Smith

Does the woman feel the same way when she sees a man older than her ? For example, did Robert de niro's wife feel that way before had his last child recently at the age of 79 ?



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16 Dec 2024, 12:09 am

No. In some cases you can make it work. I have some relatives that have large age gaps. My uncle is 10 years older than my aunt. And they have been together for ~20 years.



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16 Dec 2024, 7:46 am

TwilightPrincess wrote:
There isn’t anything wrong with it. If you were dead set on ONLY dating someone in that age group, it might unnecessarily limit your options and you could miss out on someone who’s great for you in other ways.

What other qualities do you find attractive and look for?
Good point.
It also depends on why an older person wants a relationship with a younger partner. If it's mostly a sexual thing it might be a bit more frowned upon. It's not uncommon for us Aspies to be behind our peers with life, maturity, & independence so it makes sense that we might be more attracted to a younger person due to us finding them more relatable & more on our level. That's a major reason I only tried for a relationship with women my age or a bit younger. I thought an older woman would start resenting me due to her feeling forced to act like a mom with me. Unfortunately that scenario seems kinda commom for NT women in relationships with Aspie guys.


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16 Dec 2024, 4:16 pm

For some reason autistic people often look younger than their age. That can make younger women attracted to an older autistic man. As a rule of thumb I think women over 30 are old enough to decide for themself if a man is too old for them or not.


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16 Dec 2024, 5:19 pm

Chris, what don't you feel guilty about?

You create a lot of threads about feeling guilty about this or that. Rather than treating these all as entirely distinct questions, maybe it's time to just ask yourself why you're so prone to feeling guilty or otherwise negative over so many trivial things that really don't deserve that sort of judgment in the first place.

You're entitled to like what you like.
You're entitled to make the choices you prefer, so long as they don't inflict harm on others.
You're entitled to feel like you've made the correct choice instead of spending the rest of your life second guessing yourself.

Try to remind yourself of that side of things instead of just letting maladaptive emotions hijack your thinking and setting off another guilt cycle over the fact that someone might possibly be critical of what you've done or what you haven't done or what you like or what you don't like.


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Jamesy
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16 Dec 2024, 5:46 pm

:roll: Sounds like me



Rossall
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16 Dec 2024, 6:06 pm

I'm a bloke in his 50s and I still find young women attractive. Doesn't mean they would go out with me though.


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