Dating & Relationships

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As someone on the spectrum, what would you say has been the hardest part of being in a relationship? Mine is trying to navigate the issues my autism can cause, missing the red flags and positives of dating/ relationships, as WWII as my autism changing the dynamics of it. Finally the fact that it seems like romantic partners being it up ( the fact that I have autism) when it's not something that needs to be brought up all of the time.
I wish I could just pretend it doesn't exist, due to the invisible and visible shift it causes in my life in love, dating, and life with others.

For me the number-one hardest part of a romantic relationship without a doubt is learning how to maintenance it! !!

I NEVER had to do that before

This is why I am insufficently prepared for marriage!

The hardest part of a relationship for me was finding a potential partner who was willing to give me a real chance. After a relationship has gotten a bit more serious & we've been a couple for a while, the hardest part for me is dealing with my own issues as well as hers. Trying to be supportive & protective of her while also trying to take care of myself & standing my ground to make sure my own wants & needs don't get neglected. I guess what I'm talking about is compromising.

At first
- Starting a relationship with small talk
- Understanding if they're interested in romance or platonic friendship
- When it's appropriate to communicate
- Am I talking too much or are they really interested in this obscure topic
- Am I in danger

Maintenance
- Not being understood
- Mismatch in their expectations and what I bring
- Not realizing when things were going bad
- Not knowing how to maintain boundaries/me making up excuses for them
- Not knowing that my feelings wanted out of the relationship, but my logic didn't see any reason to leave or convinced myself that I needed to stay
- Not knowing that I was autistic, so I didn't even know my own needs
- Feeling like a rescuer

Lessons Learned
- I don't have to stay in any relationship I don't want
- Notice things. Don't ignore or make excuses. Don't blame or antagonize. Merely notice. It helps to keep a log if you start getting a weird feeling or something is confusing.
- If someone is pushy or seemingly fantastic at first, be very careful and slow things down no matter how perfect they may seem. Tip: Wait at least 6 months before committing to anything, but 9-12 is ideal. This causes certain difficult personalities to see you as too much of an investment, so they search elsewhere for something that's less work.
- "No." <- that's a full sentence. Whenever you are dating someone, use it with them naturally and observe how they respond. Any push back is a red flag. Neutral response is okay. Celebration is a green flag. If they ask why you said no, assess if they're asking to understand and respect that boundary in the future, or they are asking to convince you otherwise. Convince you otherwise is a red flag.
- ABB: Always Believe Behavior. When someone does something and their behavior doesn't match their words, believe the behaviors. If someone says, "I like spending time with you," but doesn't make an effort to spend time with you, no matter what their expressed reasons or excuses, they do not like spending time with you. Accept the truth and do not insist on them being forthcoming or agreeing to it.
- 1 time is a mistake. 2 times is a coincidence. 3 times is a pattern. Everyone makes mistakes. Coincidences happen. Patterns rarely change unless they make a considerable effort and those patterns are maintained for at least 6 months. Apply that legend to their behaviors.

I really hope this helps someone