Overreaction, or something else?

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It's been a while since I've found myself in the position of angst - I sometimes find myself helping people on that end, but now I find myself there, so here goes...

What I'm worrying about is rather simple but in theory I'm not so sure... thing is this - things have been fine between me and this girl I'm going after, and my approach imo has been fine... really quite fine. I met her once and that was a great day I did fine and came across well, and I think I've come across strongly online many a-time. But I've done something that makes me feel uncomfortable.

Yesterday I was dead tired... had about 2 hours of sleep the night before... I spoke to her online, which I think was a very flawed time to do so being that I had 2 hours of sleep. I did... well ok on the most part but some simple mistakes - I apologised a fair few times because of my tiredness... not exactly coming across as strong there... I kinda eventually thought a change of strategy, but without good logic... I told her I'd move her up to my top friends list on myspace... yes I know how much many of you dislike myspace and I understand why.

So I did I moved her to my top friends list... I think 'Why did I do that? I've only met her once' I told her there ain't many people on that list I get the chance to talk to anymore, which is true but... good excuse? Not for the timing I don't think. I have a very funny feeling about pride... I hate to give the slightest part of it away. I felt I gave some power away then and I feel uncomfortable... this worries me... what with the apologising in the convo and the moving her to my top friends list.

Well what do you lot think? Do you think I did wrong or not? I think I have... I feel I've just given myself a worse light. I felt I just put down some of my respectibility... oh it's revivable, things have a tough time beating me these days but... I can't help but feel knocked. So what do you think? Reaction or something to correct?

I'll be grateful for anything you have to offer.

Don't sweat the small stuff. I doubt she was seriously affected either way.

My opinion? Based solely upon what you have said here?

You are overreacting.

There is nothing wrong with apologising for seeming tired. Most girls will see that as good manners, and that is a plus usually.

You did not give any power away by putting her in your Top Friends. What's more she may not have even noticed.

If you want to keep her guessing just put her back out of your Top Friends. Then randomly later put her in again.

I really doubt it is a big deal to her. Do people really put that much stock in it? I change my top friends from time to time. No one has ever complained, or felt hurt, if they were out of there, or lorded it over me if they were in there. It simply is not that big of a deal, in my opinion, either way.

Why are you thinking in terms of value given or taken away from yourself? Are you reading that stupid book "The Game"?

Yes, I don't think most girls would think any less of someone who said they were tired and there's no need to worry about the myspace either. Try and take things a day at a time.

I have heard that expression said... lol haven't been reading no books on it though.

But funnily enough, "The Game" expression sounds like something I relate to - strategic thinking is a game to me in many cases. I love things like chess, war strategy games, football managerial games, and from my view - relationships, because they all seem like things I have to excercise my brain over to create good tactics. Tactical play is a hobby of mine.
imo, relationships and yes - football manager games are the most complex here. For me, football management is a good metaphor for life.

Anyhow that's just an interest of mine.

Thankyou for the replies people and I'm glad it seems like I'm merely overreacting.

I hate when things hit me by surprise... I have these really smooth tactics and strategies in my mind that work really well a lot of the time... but then all of a sudden something like this happens: -

2 nights ago I was talking to that girl. All was swell you know - rather strange night too I'll admit - she was feeling kinda emotional that night and had reasons to be upset. I was being my new self you know...
Well anyhow she felt I cheered her right up and complimented me really well a few times. I felt somewhat 'I'm doing a good job... my new tactics are paying off stuningly' lol.
Last night though, well again she had good reason to be upset... but instead of the night before kinda attitude she seemed a lot more irritable... upset and what not... mind she had good reason - I'm glad I'm going for someone finally who actually acts rationally for once... them exes of mine who were all irrational about everything annoy the hell outta me when I look back. Heather however, is much more mature. Like I said she had good reason to be upset and things... but it can be rather unnerving when this stuff hits you by surprise and so different from what was before...

Maybe I'm not accustomed to this particular kinda thing. My tactics and strategies are fine I think. I play my cards right... all is swell now. I'm hoping she will be more cheerful next time because that was rather unnerving. Not complaining but worrying that I may screw up is all - it wouldn't be right in this given situation to complain.

Does anyone understand? I feel I should give her a week or so to get better... what do y'all think?

I'm not being snarky here, just curious.

Why are you resorting to pure strategy? Have you absolutely no instincts or natural inclinations regarding how you'd like to behave around this girl? Assuming she is at all intelligent, sooner or later it is going to become apparent what you're doing, and when it dawns on her, she'll find it a major turn-off.

I don't wish to offend, but I just don't think you sound very nice. When a girl you care for is upset, you should feel the overwhemling urge to comfort her straight away, not sit there wondering if it would be to your strategic advantage to wait a week.

You just have to learn her cycle.

I don't use myspace, so I don't really know about the social ettequite involved.

But what I can say is this...

I can understand why you'd be unsure about that move. Telling her that you don't have that many people left to talk to, might make her think that you don't have many friends and are needy for her attention. She might assume that you're desparate, an easy catch, and therefore less desirable to her.

Think of it this way...

If she ignores you or blocks you because you told her you enjoy talking talking to her, then she is just another piece of debris/dirt that you can filter out of your life.

If she's a good person, telling her you added her to your "top friends list" really shouldn't make a difference in her opinion of you.

Either way, the information you shared with her will serve a good purpose.
It's a win-win situation: You either avoid befriending a mean loser, or you win the heart of a nice, caring girl.

I respect you, man. The people at WP respect you. If she doesn't respect you because you let her know that you like talking to her, then she is not worth your time.

Good job, dude. You did the right thing. You'll be fine.

I can understand why you are doing this but I have to tell you, you are way overanalyzing here. The problem is you are going to be doing more analysis of what is going on in this relationship than the girl is (very easy to overdo it online especially) without enough to go on. Eventually she's going to sense something is odd, and will react, and you will in turn overanalyze that. It will snowball.

I understand the temptation, but when you realize you are doing it this much it's time to slow down, pull back, and stop the logical trains of thought. Go back to actually listening to what she's saying and reacting to that, instead of what it means in your gameplan 3 steps ahead, or you are going to lose connection with the present reality, and eventually with the person you are talking to. Yes, you're going to miss some things and misunderstandings will arise, but not so much as based on your whole analysis, which is probably even further off base.

I know it sounds harsh, but seriously... pull back and relax before it's too late.

I'm sorry if it appears that way gwenevyn. I can say though that I'm not doing that sorta thing so much for myself, but to not screw up.
See, my past experiences have been somewhat bad. I'm just a paranoid guy a lot of the time... feeling that people could attack me.
Certainly don't want people to think I'm not a nice guy... never my intention.
I have comforted her. Quite a few times. I just don't want to come across as a hassle. I want to give her space atm that's all.

+ I'm a guy... I have an ego... I'm sorry if it annoys people.

Now this must be the lack of experience showing...
It's like Werder Bremen... consistently looking powerful and interesting, but then they play Lyon in the Champions League and lose 10-2 on aggregate... sorta lol.

See I do believe I've got a lot in me now... I feel more powerful than ever. More independent, more wise, absolutely less naive...
But I'm a worrier... always have been. I worry now because of my awful history with girls and the like lol.

But history shouldn't matter to me...
History is gone - it's useless. I shouldn't allow History to make me panic.

I have big swings too mind... sometimes I feel unstoppable, sometimes I feel vulnerable.

Giving her space does seem right atm though. I've comforted her and when I spoke the other night she seemed irritable. This is why I think it best to give her space.
I hope this makes sense because although I feel my ability isn't bad, my experience is very low.

Nope harsh is what it is sometimes...
You gotta not let it in if the mistake happens...

It's like when Lyon lost in the quarters to AC Milan... that was very harsh but big Lyonnais didn't allow that to get to them... they're back.
Sorta... lol

I sent you a PM, too. I regret leaping to conclusions and judging you.

I don't think your ego is a problem. You do seem rather sensitive underneath. Lately I've been thinking that the trick, for a guy, is to find a girl who won't stomp all over them, and then just be his vulnerable, true self around her. It's a lot more fulfilling and simple than trying to play games. But of course, in the initial stages of a relationship, everything is difficult and confusing. You can't let down your guard entirely while charting unknown territory... and I understand that.

A safer course of action would be to ask her if she wants space for a bit. Otherwise you run the risk of not having been there when she needed you, and for a woman that's one of the most unforgivable offenses. An interesting fact I have read: a woman is more likely to leave a man for neglecting/ignoring her than she is if he actively mistreats her. A woman who is interested in you will thrive on positive attention in most instances.

btw, I'll point out I'm not actually with her... yet... but it seems to be approaching that stage when I may well be within a few weeks/months... years... lol
Probably a few weeks or a month or two... it's tricky as she's an online friend and it's hard to find time and money to meet her, and vice versa.