Should This Bother Me?

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My gf sometimes jokes about her "other boyfriend"

Usually its when I'm unavailable to do something, or dont want to. I get a response like "thats okay, I'll just take my other boyfriend." I know she's only joking, but she's been using that joke more and more lately and I've never found it to be funny. I had a previous gf who sometimes made a similar joke, and I told her about how it bothered me and she just told me that I was insecure and it turned into this whole big fight. Thus I have been keeping this to myself this time around, and it only seems to be annoying me more and more.

So I'm not sure what to do here, make an issue out of it or just keep trying to ignore it.

Kill him.

Tell her you saw her other boyfriend in town today; he said he's leaving the country with his other girlfirend.

The real issue here is not the fact that she makes this type of joke... it's the fact that she doesn't take your preferences into consideration. In a healthy relationship, you'd have been free to make your (perfectly reasonable) request without fear of her belittling you for your insecurities.

You need to ask yourself if, why, and how long you're willing to put up with that kind of treatment.

Hey, sounds like a perfect excuse
to cheat on her.

I know you say you've not said anything to this girlfriend because of what happened with the last one, but I think you should say something to her. It seems like the last one escalated because she must not have cared too much about something she said hurting you, anyway (maybe that's why the relationship deteriorated). But your current girlfriend should care if something she is saying is hurting your feelings, even though she's probably just saying it as a joke. She probably doesn't think it's a big deal and so will continue if you don't say something.

In my experience, if something like this bothers me and I don't say anything, it will just bother me more and more and turn into a big problem and the other person might not even realize until it's too late. Better to defuse it early. Then if she continues you know it's not because she's "just joking" but that she does know how it makes you feel.

Just take a moment, not getting upset but explain briefly that when she makes that joke, it makes you feel bad, and you would like her to not say that anymore (I would say it is a "joke," so as to suggest that she was not intending to hurt your feelings). She'll probably either feel bad, or try to make light of it, in either case be brief, move on, and act like she was not doing it intentionally. Don't go on about how you never thought it was funny or she should have known it would hurt your feelings or how long it's been building up, etc (I've slipped into that, it never does any good whether their intentions were good or ill, just serves to escalate the issue). Once you've moved past it, just see if it comes up again (if she forgets, gently remind her, but if she keeps doing it willfully then she's just trying to hurt you).

Yeah. If you can't communicate
with someone, the whole thing
ain't worth it.

It sounds to me like she is angry with you.

Maybe she is feeling insecure because she thinks that you don't want to do things with her any more.

Well, my girlfriend often finds me in bed with the other woman. Her name is Tilly and she's a tabby cat who thinks the world of me.

Ed Almos

Well, be yourself. I know NTs tend to have pet peeves too, but if you have too many it gets annoying. But if this is the only thing, talk to her about it.

As a side note, I know of at least one NT couple in which the guy joked about dating another girl, and it was fine.

edit: Oh, and if you wanted to have some fun with it you could joke back. Tell her that if she wants another boyfriend she has to share him with you (NTs love gay humor).

so, you have had two girlfriends 'joke' to you that you are not available to do something, or don't want to and the first relationship disintegrated with that as a focal point and now the second one is getting wobbly?

and you think it is because they are jokingly commenting to you about their 'other boyfriend' that you are having the problem? I say you not being the boyfriend they need is the problem.
no lady is going to hang out with someone that isn't fulfilling their needs as a boyfreind. They have their needs too, and if you are not able or willing to fulfill them, they certainly have the option to end the relationship and move on. The inference that they would get their needs fulfilled by some mythical 'other boyfriend' is serious information that they have you on probation.

Now, I am not saying you have to live up to their expectations. You do what you want to do, that is your right. However, they are doing what they have to do, too. Live and learn.

Ooops. Somehow the part about that conversation having been with a previous girlfriend, escaped me. Disregard the advice I offered above. Grendel's advice looks better.

I missed it too. The dangers of skimming.