How do you get your ex back?

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I'm asking here. Jackie has been my first and only girlfriend. Because she had gotten fired and sued and then wouldn't work at jobs like I had thenor do much housework, I had felt like divorcing her for two years and kept honest with her. I was never going to divorce her, I just wanted her back. I had never thought that she'd get accused of some of the things she was. I trusted her and took her word on the matter, but then she broke my trust in a minor way and admitted to "small consistent lies in order to be more unique" and it didn't help anything to know I had been "fibbed" at from the start.

Still, Jackie is otherwise a wonderful and precious lady and I should have never called her "my lazer" instead of "my crazer" or said she was acting more like a houseplant than a housewife while she wasn't working or doing housework (aside from laundry every few months or the occasional meal when she got tired of eating the spaghetti or pizzas I made) and I was working almost every single day in a row and still struggling to pay for the bills and food. I wish I had never complained about her or been so open about such stupid things with her. I still love Jackie and I would give anything to be married to the lady I first married again.

The first three years of marriage were awesome. If I could get trapped in a Groundhog Day type temporal loop for all eternity, I would choose May 15th 2010 through June 16th 2013, that would be Heaven on earth. I wish I could have just encouraged her to stop working for the yuppie brat that sued her. Jackie just shut down after that. Right before June 17th 2013 everything was going so well. We were finally going to be able to save up and buy a house and even put aside money for the cruise we were previously planning to go on for our 5th anniversary.

you don't.

seriously, you don't. especially here. no amount of profusely proclaiming your love for her will bring her back, because it's obvious she doesn't want it. i mean no disrespect, but you've been pressing this issue about how much you love her for a good.. 4 months? yeah? i think she's well aware about how you feel about her, if she wanted to talk about the issues at hand she would have by now. pushing love on her will push her further away. all you can do is sit back, sip on your coffee, and wait for her to initiate contact, and don't be surprised if she doesn't. persistence like this never ends well, usually in restraining orders.

i promise you there is no greater waste of time and life in this world to chase after love when it is blatantly obvious it isn't a mutual feeling.

edit - and on that note, i don't think you've made much mention of anything you've ever done wrong. calling someone out on being "lazy" is constructive criticism and most mature people would appreciate it. so if you've done nothing truly so wrong, why are you the one begging for her back?

You don't.

You get up, grow up, and move on.

She' an attractive NT woman who left him and won't come back.

He's an aspie who's been unemployed for nearly two years.

Enough said?

In my experience, it's never a good idea to want someone back or even actually achieve getting them back. Seriously, things fail for a reason and usually those reasons don't change even if the two people get to give it a second shot.

All the things that made you guys blow apart the first time will probably do it again a second time, even if you got her back again. And/or, they will be things you both seriously have to work out a plan for, and it takes two very, very together, strong and emotionally healthy people to do that, ie, almost nobody human. Very few people manage to truly healthily overcome problems in their relationship that were ever serious enough to break the relationship apart in the first place.

I know from personal experience that it can feel like it's outright impossible to stop loving that person, stop wanting them back, stop feeling like they truly were the right one and it's all a big mistake.

But TRUST me, it does eventually happen that the "penny drops" and you start to realize it's better left dead.

Right now you still have oxytocin circulating in your system. It's the hormone responsible for making people feel in love with someone they've bonded to. You are still suffering under the influence of that bonding -- it can be strong stuff. When you think how it's the same stuff that turns a woman into a fiercely protective mother who would die for her child, you realize it's nothing to take lightly.

Oxytocin-driven attachment for someone we fall in love with is also very strong and can last for months or even a couple of years. When it finally clears and your brain is no longer producing it, there's a sense of release from your feelings about that person that feels very clearly like you had been living under a drug-like influence -- which is kind of the truth.

I've had something clear from me and I feel free now; I didn't while I was still in the place you're at right now. I have to say it's only time that will heal this, you just have to ride it out, but once you do you will discover for yourself that you look back in a clearer light and realize that now matter what you believe now, you are better off moving on from this lady. It's impossible to believe that right now but it will turn out to be true.

If you want someone back there's already an ugly power imbalance.
And that's no good.
I can't imagine why anyone would want that. If you do: Okay. I don't understnad it though.

Well I do understand it actually. I once wanted a friend back and got burnt badly.
But I wouldn't want to do it again.

You don't.

If you've made your position and feelings clear, and she's still not talking to you, then presumably it's because she has nothing more to say on the matter. It's for the best if you set your mind to moving on, though allow yourself to grieve.

Try these simple steps, in order. Don't argue. Don't make up excuses. Just do them.

1. Turn off the TV and the computer.
2. Shower, shave, put on a nice suit.
3. Go out and get a job, whether you like it or not.
4. Earn a pay raise by working harder than what they pay you to do.
5. Pay off your debts - rent, utilities, insurance, et cetera.
6. Go to school and earn a degree.
7. If your employer won't promote you, then get a better job.
8. Buy a nice car.
9. Invite one of her friends out for coffee, lunch, or supper (no buffets or fast food).
10. Tip your server generously.
11. Repeat steps 9 and 10 once a week until your ex contacts you or you meet someone who puts your ex out of your mind.

No guarantees that this will work out the way that you want it to, since it is YOU who is at the center of all of this. It may take a year or two to obtain any positive results, anyway, even if they're not the results you want. Good luck.

How can you develop a relationship with some who has committed to the decision that she doesn't want to be married to you anymore?

You cant go back, only forwards, even IF you and Jackie got together again it would be different to before, there is no going back to how it was. It is impossible. Too much has happened now, it cant be undone. It would be like having a relationship with a totally different person (lack of trust, guarded, bitterness etc).

It hurts a whole lot, accepting this reality is the point that she reached, before she made the decision to end the marriage.

Sometimes people can follow through, other times people make promises they know they cant keep, or make promises that they really want to keep, but cant.
Iamaparakeet, I am sorry that you are going through this, the pain wont break you, although it might feel like it will, you have a strong faith that gives you the gift of indefinite hope.

If she's the only girlfriend you've ever had, it makes sense that you should date other people. How do you know what else is out there if you've only dated one person?