How to react?

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If someone tells you they love you but you don't feel the same way about them, what is the correct way to respond? I've found myself in this situation several times and never handled it very well. I move at a crawling pace, but people have a habit of falling in love with me too damned fast

Welcome to my life. I haven't figured it out yet, but just looking uncomfortable seems to work fairly well.

Its a small price to pay for being attractive.

*Deleted, Being sleepy was inhibiting my ability to read.*

To add to my original post - I've tried changing the topic subtly (I forgot that subtlety is not something I'm capable of, and this failed horribly) I've tried the 'respond with a hug and a smile' - this got an uncomfortable smile as a response, and I felt bad about it for ages. I've tried responding with a compliment - similar reaction to the last. Of course, being a slow witted male, I've tried the 'respond without thinking', which landed me in an incredibly awkward situation. I've even tried honesty, explaining how I always take a long to grow close to people but at the same time saying how much they mean to me. This one got a sad smile and a hug, and again, I felt terrible afterwards. Curses.

I think the best thing you can do, given that you like and respect them a lot but can't feel them on that level, is try to be as respectful as you can and enjoy their company but turn their passes down flat and act a bit dismayed when they do make them; not in a disconnecting way but in a way like they're forcing you into a place where you don't want to react in the way you are but your stuck with it.

Its hard though, and sometimes especially when your nonverbals are jacked and someone's perfectly ok with that - unfortunately you have to cut down the subtleties and straight up tell them "I like you, I respect you, your the s--- as a person, but I can't feel it on that level with you". Its going to hurt, especially if they're really into you, and as a man you just have to handle that its the inevitable - just like a woman would with a guy who had a crush on her.

Ah, but I didn't mean to ask how to reject a pass made at me or reject someone with a crush on me. If only it were so simple!
What I should have said is "When in a relationship, and your partner says 'I love you' but you do not / do not yet feel the same, what is the ideal way to react?". A somewhat messier problem than turning down the affections of an admirer, I'd say.

Ugh. I've been on the OTHER side of this,
but pretty much anyone who tells me that
they love me, after some thought, I decide
that I love them too.

As to receiving the rejection, it's always going
to be ugly. But, I'd be as honest as possible.
If there's a chance in the future, just tell them,
that you're not at that stage yet. If there's no
chance, I think saying THAT is best too. Though,
I've never had anyone be so honest about it.

Exactly, I cant stand when they lead me on to "be nice".
Tell the truth straight up to avoid more confusion.

Well, again, you just have to hunker down and realize you can't expect no ripples to be created. I'd still recommend if she says "I love you" just kinda solemnly nod, like you want to but you feel like it wouldn't be fair to say something back. She'll probably react to that pretty quick and you have to real careful not to mince your words at that point.

Now, when I get these more or less
at random, "yes, I know," seems to
work well; or, "doesn't everyone?"

If someone told me she loved me, I'd probably be speechless. The odds of someone liking me are so low, that if a girl shows interest in me, I start dating her regardless of whether or not I have feeling for her. But in this case, there would be a moral dilemma: I want a find a relationship (and I don't care about living a lie), but I don't want to deceive a nice girl to get what I want. With all that said, I usually fall in love very quickly, in a matter of days, but fall out of love just as fast. So the concept of love here wouldn't be the same as for most NTs.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 25 Sep 2007, 10:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I'm the exact opposite... I'm very slow to get to the point of love, but once I do, I am almost impossible to shake off, which is especially annoying if some girl is trying to start something with me, and I seemingly ignore them, only to find out she's lost interest by the time I gain interest...

However, on those few occasions I develop feelings for someone, she's stuck in my mind for the rest of my life... always surfacing at the times that I'm most lonely in life... most annoying...

Heh, part of growing up is realizing that you have to shoulder and take consequences and drama over things that really weren't your fault.

While I doubt you don't already know that I'm just reminding ya - stay strong, keep your head up, and don't beat yourself up too much if it does hurt their feelings. The fact that you even mean not to means a lot, from there you can only realistically do as well in real time with it as your brain and body language will permit - don't feel the weight of the world crush down on you if you can't deliver it perfectly.

Yeah I'm the same as aspie1 here...if someone told me that they loved me, i'd freeze. I have no idea how to respond to that.