One risk even I find too much to take...

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Imagine this - a proud, intelligent high functioning aspie meeting a girl for a second time with the intention of making the move to get with her.

The risk: -

It's too much of a risk... far too much. I guess this is where being an aspie is so beneficial - we stop ourselves through logic before we **** up. lol
The problem is simply - I'm waaay out of my own territory for starters... a slip up in your own territory is excusable but out of it? I'd have to be mad to risk that - I mean spending money once again on a train journey to meet up with her, and then asking her out with major risk of being rejected and going back home humiliated after spending that money and stuff? I say hell no to that.

Other scenario lol - go there, and just enjoy hanging out *shrugs* much better I think I'll choose the latter lol.

People I just don't think the first one is a good option at all... an immense risk - risk takers can achieve a lot, but isn't there such a thing as TOO BIG A RISK? lol
I guess I'm a little stuck - help me out please? lol

you have to figure if the juice is worth the sqeeze

Indeed... at the very least eventually I should make the move.

How about from a female perspective? What does this sound like? Is this, from your perspective, a good move or a bad move?

Why do you consider it a major risk for rejection? Do you think things are going well? (I know, that's kind of a silly question, asking whether or not the other person seems to be on the same "level." I've been wrong about it many times in the past, and absolutely clueless in other times.) Have you talked a lot prior to this, other than when you met her the first time?

Sure, going to see her would cost money, and could wind up with you feeling like you had wasted said money, and being "humiliated." I had an experience like that a few months ago. I drove six hours to see someone, had it go horribly wrong, and left feeling miserable, making a stop on my way home at a friend's place (about 1/2 way between or so) and getting absolutely smashed. At the time, it seemed like the worst experience ever. Now, looking back, I'm happy it went as it did. I saw her for who she really was, I finally managed to end my obsession with her, and after a short period of "losing" myself in substances and other bad things, I got back on my feet, and wound up in a far better situation that I otherwise wouldn't have had the chance to be in. (Substance use not recommended, or guaranteed to be "necessary.")

So, there's really four possible outcomes.
1) Things go great. Self-explanatory.
2) Things go horribly, and nothing can make it seem otherwise. This is the "worst-case" scenario....sort of.
3) Things go horribly, but even then it works out for the best, by you learning something more about her that you don't like, or realizing that it wasn't a good fit, or some other reason as to why it was better to find out the "hard" way than not to find out at all.
4) Stay the course, nothing changes, for better or worse. Not knowing can be the most irritating situation of all.

Is there a guarantee that you will meet someone else in a short amount of time if things go wrong? No. Just as there's no guarantee that it will go badly.

Just take some (more? ) time to think about it, without over-thinking it. (Yeah, that always makes sense when I read that back... ) If you think about something too much, you may get to where you see every possible bad outcome, and wind up having all of the good ones become nearly impossible to see.

Why don't I just do number 4 and then ask her out online afterwards?

lol I don't believe in all the crap about star signs but apparantly her sign is a match for mine lol. I don't believe in that but meh curiousity lol.

Dude girls are about as bizarrely wired in the brain as I am... I guess it's actually quite possible that they are afraid of me as I am them... Maybe it's my unpredictability coupled with easy trustability... I could certainly relate - once I grow a strong trust with a weird unpredictable girl I go nuts in the head... perhaps, because I'm an alien and all, they feel the same thing lol. Rest assured they need not be afraid of moi... I'm fearcely loyal - ain't a shred of cheating or backstabbing in me at all.

The online part can be problematic. Everyone seems to have a different view of how it compares to "real" interaction. I don't see a huge difference (in terms of value, though it may be lacking in some areas), but others seem to.

I guess the big question would be why would you rather ask her online? Because it is easier for you to ask that way, or because it would be easier to deal with a negative response that way? Or something else entirely?

If she lived a lot closer I'd do it in person, no questions asked. I certainly have what it takes to do that...
I prefer to take on special occasions with class lol. Showing my true colours and hopefully leaving an impressive mark for what I'm really worth (not to sound boastful lol).

Dude the best thing would be if I could bring her out of her own territory a bit as well... meet halfway - this occurs to me as the best option thing is - she don't bleedin' do it lol. Now I'm not sure if that's too much a big deal it could be that she's a girl and may feel more vulnerable doing that... understandable yes? Halfway would be good... less money, she brought out of her comfort zone a bit, and then it's so much easier... do you agree or am I talking nonsense? lol

No, that makes sense. It is really hard to say what she would prefer, what she would be comfortable with. She's met you once, so she already has formed an opinion of you, some idea as to whether or not she can trust you and feel safe around you. So, she may be willing to meet half-way, or even go to you, if you were to bring it up. She may say that money's an issue, if you really want her to come to you, you may wind up having to help (or fully) pay for it. Small price to pay if this is worth it to you.

It is definitely good that you would rather do it in person. I guess you could bring it up online, and then talk about going to see her, or her coming to see you, or meeting half-way, whatever the choice may be. That would be an option.

As for her being out of her comfort zone, why would that make it easier for you? That's the one bit I don't fully understand, how that would make you more comfortable. Especially if you were to meet half-way, then you would both be out of your comfort zones.

I don't think there's a lot more I could say about it, suggestions or otherwise, can't really say how she would view things. (I say this now... ) That'd probably be a good thing to be asking one of the women on here. Even then, it would just give you an idea of what is possible, even if you were to get several similar responses. She could wind up reacting entirely differently.

hmm... dude I really think that it wouldn't be a good idea to, if she can't but can come down if I pay, pay for it... I'm afraid I wouldn't do that it's placing her too high on a pedestal - no I'm afraid I can't do that one lol.

Little paragraph for ranting - "Damn rules!"

Now where were we lol - halfway... dangit yes it is a bit nuts to think that if we were both out of our territory that that would change a thing - the only thing it would change is it would be slightly more cost effective lol... that's it...

Her coming to me would be nice, but it isn't so neccessary really atm... if we meet for a 3rd time, then yeah I would be a bit annoyed if I had to go and meet her once again - I couldn't I would have to arrange a halfway meeting or her coming to me. I sure ain't gonna spend that much money on a girl.

Damn money grabbing gender of the human race!

Good luck, you're on your own after saying that. I'm not opening this door for anything.

Aww man no fair lol.
Seriously they are the root of all ev... I think I'll stop now lol. Before I really get in trouble here. I'm putting my life on the line here knowing the sorts of schemes the girls here would be plotting... lol best watch me manners me thinks.

Open the door dude open it! lol
hmm dude about bringing it up online... how does one do that? I mean - by remaining subtle and still not freaking a person out? lol

That door looks interesting.
I'd do it.

The risk is always worth it.
Especially because when you take the risk, YOU KNOW YOU'VE TRIED.

I always stayed passive and did nothing because I was afraid of a possible negative outcome.
I'm still afraid of a negative outcome, however, I refuse to stay passive because in the end, it's worse then having tried.

Look at it this way, trying gives you a 0,1% to 99,9% chance to a positive outcome.
Doing nothing gives you 0% chance...

I won't take such risks,
because, by the time I
get enough courage up for
them, it has become TOO
important to me.

Yeah, I've done it when the
signs are all right, but still
f**k it up. Can't follow what
my own advice is as to the HOW.

Had much better luck just waiting
for others to take the first move.

So, you're not getting any kind of vibe one way or the other from this girl, from a distance?

Does "get with her" mean sex? As in, first meeting went great, and now you want some nookie?

If it just means "be her boyfriend", it occurs to me that you should already have some idea of where you stand with the girl, having met her once already and talked with her a good deal online. I'm by no means an expert, but in my limited experience, if after that much interaction there's still any doubt to whether or not she likes you in a romantic way ... she doesn't.

Whoa! Sounds like you have the ordering
all confused here. Oh, I'm not denying that
a pair can be together without sex, but most
would find it unlikely to consider someone a
bf/gf, I would think, if they're not getting some
in the bargain.