Relationships vs. Flings

Post Reply New Topic

Even though I've never been a real relationship, the few "almost" relationships I've been in really sucked. Personally I feel that I would do much better just having some fun with someone than being stuck to one person.

And I certainly don't belive in marraige.

How do you feel?

(Note: I do believe in love. It's complicated. But, I honestly do believe in love. I just don't think I'd be good at it.)

Last edited by nayashi on 11 Jul 2005, 4:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I believe marriage is a wonderful, glorious institution in which over 50% of the particpants are doomed to failure. Relationships before marriage: the same, only more so. I'm an idealist and a pessimist. It's really quite a depressing worldview to have.

marriage in my opinion ruins everything. sure you like it at first but then imagine yourself with that person ten years later. (fights)
I don't believe in love, and if there's even a spark of love, it eventually dies.

I believe in love because I am in love. I have already talked about marriage and plan to but not for a fair few years. I have fights now and it hasn't ruined the relationship.

The problem with marriage is, in my opinion, that when people are married they tend to make less effort because they feel more secure than if it was just boyfriend/girlfriend, this makes the other partner think they're lesss interested and therefore they feel upset.

I believe in love very strongly, but I haven't been in love the way that I think it should really be. I'm very idealistic and I think there should be a deep sense of understanding between two people and a willingness and accept, respect, and cherish your partner just as they are even if you really dislike some things about them or disagree on stuff that is important to you. People say that when you are in love that you overlook the other person's flaws and imagine them as being perfect. I think that is bull***. When you truly love someone you see their flaws very clearly and accept that these are they very things that make them unique and wonderful. And of course this opens up the possiblity that they can treat you with the same respect and acceptance that you offer them. But I have yet to live this kind of relationship in the real world.



I was going to say that the problem with marriage is that people grow and change over time, and the previously mentioned expectation that people are supposed to be perfect (hence the tendency to imagine them as being perfect and then get upset when reality rears its ugly head) does not allow room for the sorts of changes that are inevitable and necessary for personal growth. But I think your point is also a very good one.

By the way, I am saying this as someone who has been married for just over 20 years now and is feeling the pinch of personal growth where the relationship didn't really leave much room for that sort of thing. So the other problem with marriage is that many people (e.g. me) get married at a time in their lives when they really know very little about themselves or what they want or need to be happy in life. When you figure these things out much later you find yourself in a situation where the changes you would like to make in your life have become very complicated and difficult to actually carry out. The real catch here is that a lot of the changes in myself that have strained my marriage nearly to the breaking point have come about by watching my kids grow up and realizing that they are so much like me, only happier.

If I were starting over at this point, I don't think I would choose to get married again. I feel like our society really over hypes the value of keeping a relationship together long-term, when the real emphasis should be on individuals learning to be happy. If two people can each be happy by spending their entire adult lives together, then more power to them. But I don't think that is usually the case, and I disagree with the cultural assumption that staying together is automatically good, and moving on when you're really unhappy indicates some sort of character flaw.

Oh, and one more thought... I'm not opposed to flings if they make you happy and nobody gets seriously hurt, but I've never managed to find myself faced with that sort of opportunity (and would probably panic and ruin the whole situation if I were).

To me, there's a huge difference between a long-term close relationship, and marriage: obligation. I don't see how anyone could vow to love a single person for the rest of their lives, without knowing what they will be like in ten, twenty, or fifty years. People change with time - what do you do if your partner changes so that you don't get along any more? Either you're stuck with them and miserable, or you have to get a divorce, which would mean breaking your sworn word.

It makes a lot more sense, if you want a stable relationship, to decide to stay together for a certain period of time (say, from when a child is born until he/she moves out), than to make a lifelong promise that neither you nor your partner knows you will be able to keep.

I've always been more for a long term relationship, and Marriage, though those who are in power are dead set against recognising my marriage do to the fact that that they believe that it cheapens said institution, even though people like Brittney Spears can get not only a Marriage but a divorce as well over the space of a weekend.

Rant over. So yeah, I believe in the Long Term thing, even though I havn't actively pursued the same in over 5 years now. I think people are just too full of S--- .

I'd love the 'long term' thing but the idea is increasingly evaporating into the past. It seems like 99.9% of women out there want the "I need a guy with money who will buy me this and that and bla bla bla" types. I want a PARTNERSHIP!! ! I want a girl who is smart, active, witty, thinks for herself, loves life and is in agreement with MUTUALLY benefiting our life. Money is simply a tool, a result of hard work, it doesn't come from thin air!! !! !! Of course, in rap videos it's sooooo easy and that's what they all want. Good enough, I will remain solitary if need be.

I have very solid and logical plans to MAKING money but they require effort, dedication and time. I can't waste my time on someone who is always wanting lottery type money without the work and is never satisfied with the present. I am just so pissed off and almost discouraged but for some reason I believe the right person is out there. That is what keeps me going.

I have... and always will be about wanting a marriage relationship. Everything else seems quite pointless, and a waste of effort. I've always felt this way, I just want to find one woman that appreciates me... and just spend the rest of my life with this woman. Then I don't have to worry about finding dates, or the whole social dating relationship game... which I would just fail at anyways. Luckily, the whole commitment thing is what most women like too... so the only issue was finding one woman who would appreciate me... among some other qualities that would be nice to find in a woman.

I have found such a person in Mockingbird... Woo Hoo!

I dream about being in a deep, long term relationship, but the fact of the matter is that I can't connect with too many people emotionally, which makes it extraordinarily difficult.

With a more casual relationship, emotional connection is not as important. I can make most people laugh, and it works as a nice substitute in a shorter relationship. It keeps the relationship more fun, which allows me to enjoy myself more, and as a result, be less nervous.

Now I don't have a great deal of experience in this, but I figure I have a lot of years in me... why not try and have fun while I'm young? A more serious relationship can wait until I have more experience.

It's just a personal thing, but I'm just not the kind of person who could do flings. My feelings toward people socially can vary through a wide range, but romantically, it's always been black and white, and that's something that just doesn't work with short-term relationships.

Back in early high school, not knowing what love was, I used to think flings were The Way, so to speak. I used to look at girls and think "is she someone who I could ever spend my life with?" Every time, the answer was a clear "No." and I just figured I was never going to be someone who could ever commit to one person for any length of time. Then one day I looked at this girl in my history class, and... well... there she was. It was one of those ridiculously sappy watershed moments where you realize just how wrong you were. I could have just looked at her for days on end if she let me, something that was completely foreign to me before. I would have given anything to be given the chance to forget everything I'd ever done in my life and just listen to her talk and to learn everything about her, as long as that took, and probably longer still. Even if she somehow changed into a completely different person as time went on, I'd have been glad to have the pain of being "trapped" in a relationship if that was the price for sharing life with her for a brief time. It would have been worth it.

So yeah, that's my position. For me, I just can't get any enjoyment out of short-term relationships because I've learned how much more there can be.

I voted for the flings.

The only time I would ever want a long term relationship is if I fell in love.

I'd rather have a steak sandwich. And if I'm feeling greedy- a coke.

I'm still just keeping and eye out for a potential future girlfriend, but I'm not currently in a position where dating would be feasible. Then I'll be looking for a long term relationship in with the hope that it will lead to marriage. I think that dating for it's own sake is a wate of time and money.