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Me15733
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10 Oct 2007, 10:04 pm

Is it typical of Aspies to be able to completely turn a "switch" off in a relationship. I was in a relationship and the minute one thing went wrong he completely switched off. He says he is unable to ever switch back on any feelings for anyone. Is this just him or is typical of Aspies?



username88
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10 Oct 2007, 10:57 pm

Depends on what it was that went wrong. What was it anyway?


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calandale
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10 Oct 2007, 10:59 pm

My wife did this. No way that I could.



Graelwyn
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10 Oct 2007, 11:34 pm

Damn, wish I could do that lol.
It does happen with me, but it is a temporary thing until trust is rebuilt. Having said that, I lost all feelings for my ex, but it took sometime for it to build to that point. A series of hurts.



Aspie1
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10 Oct 2007, 11:36 pm

I've had the opposite happen to me; namely, the switch flipping on. When I'm dating a girl I recently met, I usually start out not having any strong feelings for her. But when she does something that strikes a pleasant chord with me, my feelings suddenly skyrocket, and I end up liking her a lot. Mind you, that something she does can be anything: from something simple, like giving me a compliment, to something relatively major, like paying for my meal (yeah, a girl did that for me once or twice). It varies from person to person, and so does the effect on my feelings.

However, the opposite is also true. When the girl loses interest, the switch gets flipped off just as quickly. In a matter of days, my feelings for her vanish like a puddle on a hot day. Of course, it does take me some time to get over her as a person, since attraction and attachment are different things.



calandale
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11 Oct 2007, 12:01 am

Hell yes, about the ON. Off - well, once the interest
is gone on her part (or was never there, but I realize),
well, it dulls things, but once I love, I can't stop.



username88
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11 Oct 2007, 12:11 am

calandale wrote:
Hell yes, about the ON. Off - well, once the interest
is gone on her part (or was never there, but I realize),
well, it dulls things, but once I love, I can't stop.

Im exactly like that.


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i_Am_andaJoy
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11 Oct 2007, 4:16 am

hmmm. NEVER switch back on?? nope. that's not me. but i do have a sort of mental on/off switch that will suddenly flip, like sometimes in an argument, i will just suddenly not care, but i think that is just because i am getting overloaded, and i need the other person to go away for 5 minutes, but i can switch back "on" pretty quick.


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LadyMacbeth
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11 Oct 2007, 7:03 am

I think I can do that. But I'm becoming to realise that I don't really know how to love. The only other instance of love I have been involved in I don't think was love at all. I broke down after it ended, but I think that might be because I was just USED to the person I was with, rather than having many feelings for. I didn't like him. After I realised that, it was easy to lose what feelings I did have.

I worry that I don't love my partner. but I probably do, it's just hard for me to understand. I wouldn't be able to switch him off in my head I don't think. Maybe the inability to switch off is love itself. Conundrum.


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calandale
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11 Oct 2007, 7:23 am

LadyMacbeth wrote:

I worry that I don't love my partner. but I probably do, it's just hard for me to understand.


Unless we want to try and define love through
chemical reactions (a horrible idea, which would
be temporary, at best), we're up to defining it
for ourselves. Declaration is sufficient.



ToadOfSteel
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11 Oct 2007, 8:00 am

When I found out that this woman that I liked had a diametrically opposed political viewpoints, that flipped the switch to off very quickly...



richardbenson
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11 Oct 2007, 8:57 pm

absolutley. when i met this girl in the woods, we had a affair with each other. and boned like maybe 5 times in one day. then i never saw her again or talked to her. i dont think about her at all, another time i met this girl offline and i thought she gave me a std. thankfully i was overeacting but i learned a valueable lesson, so i think about her often


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11 Oct 2007, 9:16 pm

Ride it out, give it time, don't pester and don't contact him. Let him come to you. Like an obsession, when they are done, they are done. Don't be an obsession...