Emotional Blunting

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Anyone have trouble with emotional blunting and romance? I though I was getting out of it finally, but to no avail. It is like a head cold or something.

I know I want a romantic interest and I'm not asexual either but it is very difficult to focus on these thoughts and figure out what it means, both away from the person and while I'm with them. It feels kind of arbitrary and forced. Even though the last person I fancied, once I had finally figured out I couldn't get her out of my head, I'm not sure I would be able to hold the feeling long enough, however intense, in order to reciprocate.

Maybe I do need to get out there some more and try harder. I feel like I'm going mad. I think about it know I feel lonely.

Find a girl with a boyfriend. They don't want emotional ANYTHING with you, just sex. Most women cheat. They have a chump that pays for stuff and a dude on the side for sex.

As one girl put it to me, "Different guys are for different things."

Ever see those families where the mom is a total b***h, the dad is a moderately successful wuss, and the firstborn looks nothing like the rest?

Women (NOT all women, mostly NT) don't see men as people with individual traits, they see you as a category.

Listen to women. Talk to women. But mostly listen.

You will see that when a girl gets a new boyfriend, and the others ask about him, she will say something like "skater" "jock" "punk" "emo" "cowboy" "cop" "hippie" "doctor". These are all "profiles", an aggregation of traits. They don't like him so much as they like what he represents.

Women might say, "I love a man in uniform." Why? Who is in a uniform? Cops, firemen, soldiers, paramedics - protective authority figures.

I don't even try at long-term relationships, I'm just not equipped for that. Most women outright hate and despise their boyfriends, and are stuck with lousy sex lives. You're doing everyone involved a favour.

They see their husband as a "wuss", someone to be exploited.

Exploitation is predicated on the notion that one party does not have all the fact, or are in a position of weakness. Attached women know exactly what they want. This is not exploitation.

http://ca.video.yahoo.com/video/play?vi ... =yfp-t-501

It's what they want.

you sir, are utterly revolting

if that's all you think "most" women are... then you don't deserve anything more THAN that

I'm right there with you. My emotions make guest appearances once in a while to let me know what I feel about things, but don't stick around long. I've learned to identify emotional truths when I experience them, and refer back to those truths when I'm in the wilderness. It makes you hesitant to even bother trying to find a date. If you can only get in the mood to do so sporadically, it's a burden of foreknowledge that you'll possibly be starting something which is going to demand even more from you. Frustrating.

I think that emotional blunting may come from years of experience in needing to constantly correct everything you think and feel just because - the NT world is telling you that your natural flow isn't ok, that you not only won't be understood but don't deserve to be understood, hence you start manually modifying your own natural flow to make it meet an acceptible edge. It works wonders on the social end in terms of being able to get through life, make friends, but it crushes romance just because your natural instincts have been subverted, rerouted, etc. for so long that you have no real idea what you really feel or think anymore. Then again this may be more my case than yours but still, its hard when your different trying to constantly have your emotions directed and phrased in a way that is ok for everyone else and even harder actually trying to pull spontaneity or anything that superficially looks as sincere as it really is out of yourself.

For me I don't know when the wall will ever down, if I'll ever adapt a way around it to be who I'd want to be romantically in a way that makes me and someone else happy (me having the dignity about it that I'd want, having someone who can read it for what it is), it's going to take years and I highly doubt it'll ever happen completely on its own or in a vacuum - but of course life seems to dictate, you don't deserve the experience unless you just seemed to have the outward confidence to have diserved it. Its such a catch 22 I have a hard time even messing with it much anymore because there's hardly a thing left that I can gain out of myself on my own.

I'm almost kind of envious. My emotions are on 24/7, full force and in my face screwing with me. The only time I experience emotional blunting is when I have a meltdown. I'd love to be able to consciously turn them off once in a while.

Do you at all suspect that maybe you're not meeting the right types of girls for you?

I used to go out with guys and feel totally empty, blank, even a bit guilty because they were nice but I didn't feel anything. When I started to get to know guys who were more intellectual and interesting to me, my feelings woke up.

It seems preferable to have strong emotions than to have none when you're in a relationship, though. Relationships are, in essence, emotional ties. When you can't demonstrate those underlying emotions on demand, problems arise.

I can see where it'd get tiring having emotions as strong and omnipresent as you do, though. I couldn't get anything done if I were always under the strain of intense emotion.

Yeah, anymore while I do have a high degree of emotionality its more divorced from the primal stuff. I get it out of music, I get it out of the religiously sublime, I get it from my mind pretty much going off on more profound stuff in general.

Feeling that way about women though, its really tough, just because anytime in the past that I have its always left me flat. I'm not even talking about rejection, just that anytime I've REALLY felt anything for women its always been misplaced, either them not being into me or us being into eachother but then realizing that we had too many idiosyncrasies that mutually kept us pushed away (more often them being as socially fragile as I was and me not being able to get through their own insecurities let alone struggling to handle my own).

Seconded. Although there are times when I think that I'm simply not interested in relationships at all, perhaps I'm just not meeting the right people. As I've gotten older, the scope of girls I'm interested in has shrunk, so although it often seems like I have no heart for anyone, it's more likely the case that it's just very seldom I come across a girl who's right for me.

Also telling is the fact that I have occasional dreams about being wonderfully, totally in love with someone. My brain hasn't given up on the idea, I'm simply demoralized by history.

Yeah, I can see that emotional blunting would cause issues in a relationship; I experienced it a lot with my ex (he was an expert at triggering me into having meltdowns). But being oversensitive can cause many problems too.

I'm not usually this emotional on a consistent basis; lately I've been really moody. It's starting to drive me a bit nuts actually.

Those are revolting sentiments. They might be true of some people but certainly not all. Seems as if the kind of circles he is socialising in are not the best.

*agrees wholeheartedly*

EVERYONE READ THIS. MEMORIZE IT. THIS IS GOSPEL.

Thanks!

Don't even know if its worth all that because, its the inevitable side effect of a decision that had to be made. In my own case, if I hadn't worked so hard on myself I can guarantee one thing - I would have killed myself and I would have succeeded.

Sometimes when the world won't stop trashing you your stuck realizing that the only way you can get through it is to be harder on yourself than anyone else ever has been and make sure you head it off at the pass before other people can take control and reach inside your sense of reality like that. To this day one of the most violating things I can feel is having someone try to dictate my identity to me and, again had I not done all this, they would have led me to complete ruin with it had I not stepped in and felt that my own life, my own experiences, and the validity of myself as human being weren't worth fighting for.

In some ways its been a costly choice and who knows, I may watch the whole world pass me by for it. Given that though, if I do end up 40, 50, or 60, still single, rotting away as neurologically strung up white trash, I'd just have to look at it that I wasn't meant to have a good life and nothing would have happened differently - life gives some people ample chances and does nothing but steal from others, usually its one or the other and usually I think the causes are almost wholly natural eugenics in motion.