Aspie Relationships

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For those Aspies who are in relationships or married to another Aspie, I have a few questions to ask.

How do you start the relationship?

How did you break the news to your partner without completely shocking or overwhelming them?

And being in a relationship like that, being together to you seem to be more free and open than you would with NTs?

I don't want to seem nosey or too personal but I'm just curious.

_Eric

Ours started on the Internet, back before it was trendy (no web yet).

Online flirting is MUCH easier than face to face, and we flirted from the first moment, so the only transition to be made was from the digital domain to in person. Things usually fail at that point, but we were lucky.

I can't be positive, because I was only married to one NT before, but... maybe. "More free" is subjective, hard to judge, and I'm not sure that any generalities would be valid. More open, yes, because we are both honest, and both very appreciative of honesty.

most people that i've been with they didn't care or know what the hell I was talking about when I told them about what I have and being with another aspie isn't always the best because even though we're the same and our concept on things is about the same I feel that I belong more with an NT because i'm used to being around them and as much as it's nice to be around your own kind i'd prefer someone healthier physically and mentally that I could eventually have kids with.

I prefer other Aspies because we're less likely to lie or cheat.

Tim

Although I am currently single, I would probably prefer an aspie partner (given a choice) as aspies are less likely to be deceitful with me (and I in turn with them), and we would be more likely to understand each other's inherent differences.

The only thing that would make me not choose aspie would be if our difficulties were mutually exclusive (i.e. I am light-sensitive, with a preferred habitat with all the lights off, and would have a hard time with a partner who needs to constantly be in a very brightly lit room)

We met though a meetup for members of a website - there were only three of us at the meetup and the other girl never met up with us again. He had been on the website for about two weeks so I don't count us as technically meeting online - we didn't know each other till we met in real life. A couple months later we discovered someone new in our area that went to my university so I was trying to find a way to get ahold of her (besides sending an email as she hadn't given her email that would probably spook her a bit). He said something like, "Hurry up and find her I need someone to cuddle with." I responded, "hey what about me." and then clarified I wasnt dating another person that I had just spent two weeks dating. Soon after we began cuddling, we fell in love with each other. We both tried to not fall in love for different reasons but it just didn't work out that.





He had said he was diangosed with asperger's at ae 11 during our first meetup. Though for the most part he denies it, I know he knows he really has it. I wasn't diagnosed until about 9 months later but I had previously spoken to him about believing that I was an aspie





Yes, but there might be other reasons for that too. For example i prefer the traditional "male" role in the relationship, he prefers the traditional "female" role. Not too many NT's are comfortable with switching things like that.


I'm quite convinced that his dad is an aspie whose just learned to cope (he admitted that to me without saying he had asperger's) and I find it much easier to speak with his dad. i'm not nerouvs/afraid/ashamed to ask him about any topic, no matter how personal, because of that. I wouldn't have that same comfort level with an NT because they have all kinds rules/guidelines/laws about topics you shouldn't bring up with certain people and that they'll become angry if you break

How do you start the relationship?
Met at a party, we were both hanging around in the kitchen looking awkward.

How did you break the news to your partner without completely shocking or overwhelming them?
She knew that I had psychological problems in the past anyway. The AS diagnosis just confirmed a few things.

And being in a relationship like that, being together to you seem to be more free and open than you would with NTs?
No secrets. Bank statements, passwords, computer files, she can access anything she wants as I have nothing to hide.

Ed Almos

As a aspie, I keep that bit of info to myself, only my family knows. 3 years ago I met my feance, I was working and he and my sister and law came to pick me up (my car was in the shop)

The next morning he said to me "Your sis-in-told me that you are autistic, is that true?"
Needless to say I was pretty upset, I did not want him to know at all, I explained that I was afraid that he might think differently of me and it was none of her business telling him about it.
I explained to him about aspergers and he smiled saying "so that's why you are not in the cuddle mood sometimes"

Today he thinks its really cool having someone like me, we love each other very much, and we poke fun at how he is 'mushy gushy' and I am 'strong and proud'

I may not be a cuddley person most of the time but I somtimes give in, he is sooo huggable sometimes!