any polygamous aspies out there?

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Anyone who read my lame post in the haven about hows i found out that my Flakey has for some time been carrying on two simultaneous relationships...(one with his ex girlfriend behind my back.)

Basicly the only way he will agree to stay with me is if I agree to let him continue to sleep with other people...all the while saying that if I leave him again, he will die.

So he is basicly trying to manipulate me into this polygamous thing.

I hate the idea of it. i think it will destroy the last shreads of love we have between us.
If I get involved with someone else, it will only serve to drive me away from flakey.

I don't want to hurt the other people i get involved with.. I don't really want t get involved with other people....and if i do...Flakey will inevitably emotionallt blackmail me to try to mantain his grip on me.

So are there any aspies out there who have managed to mantian happy healthy polygamous relationships.

I am freaking terrified of them. I know people out there do it, but I don't bloody know how.

i resent being forsed into this situation that makes me feel really uncomfortable.

That is blackmail.

You should not be made to accept things that your not comfortable with.

I know people who swing and I have a lot of fun with my friends husband but to be successful all parties must be open, everyone must know and understand the rules.

And rule number one is:
if you anyone is unhappy with what you are doing then DON'T

A relationship must be based on consent not coercion!

Yup, Ive been in love with multiple people at once before. But personally I think that guy is just bullshitting you, no offense.

I could never handle more than one partner at the same time.

Tim

Gah, that's just terrible. He's just setting it up so he can do whatever he wants without any wrong doing on his part.

How could someone do this? It's so selfish...

yeah...I know...

I am really resentful of all the time I have spent runnng his two neglected businesses whil he was out running around with his 19 year old coke-head prostitute.

I feel compelled to go through with it just to show him up.
A very nice-but-depressed ADD/AS/BP guy who was going through a nasty seperation gave me his number a few nights ago.
Maybe I should go spend some time whith him.
Mainly because we could both use some emotional support right now.

Actually...come to think of if, I bet Flakey was just trying to set me up with him.

Drop him like a hot s**t sandwich. It's pretty clear (at least from my point of view) that he's trying to coerce you into being okay with this whole polygamy thing when you're not. I'm on the same line of thought that you're on, that polygamy just makes relationships more difficult to maintain and that it spoils it for everyone, no matter how much the parties agree that they're okay with it.

In most cases, polygamy just doesn't work. It's easy to become jealous of one of the other people involved and it takes a LOT of emotional distancing and rationalization to make it work. Even as an Aspie, I get jealous easily, so I already know a polygamous relationship is a no-go.

If he's not going to respect your wishes, like I said before, leave him.

i would never agree with that.

don't let him blackmailing you. if he decides to commit the suicide, it's only and only his decision and there is no way you could be responsible for it. moreover, he's only blackmailing and people who are talking a lot about it, don't really mean it. just go out of the relationship and live your own life.

DTMFA!

i am sorry, but what does that mean?

Don't view that as an entirely bad thing. You could find this guy to be really interesting, could possibly even really hit it off.

I know this is something that I never had an easy time doing myself, but don't let yourself become so attached to how you used to see Flakey that you begin to ignore how you see him now. Maybe he was a good match for you in the past, but if that's no longer the case, and there's no sign of things improving (which, I hate to say it, appears to be the case) then you need to act accordingly. For your own sake.

Dump the m***erfu**er already!

If you are not comfortable with his involvement with other people, then just give him two very clear options: he either chooses you or he drops his other partners. Don't let yourself be manipulated ; if he really loves you that much that he would "die" if you would dump him, then if he cares about you that much it should not be hard to sacrifice the other people he sleeps with.

QFT

...though I don't think he should be viewing it as a "sacrifice."

Sure. If he is really in love then he should be happily ditching his mistresses. If that is too much to ask then I would not believe he cares as much as he is saying he does.

I don't think that alternatives to monogamy work for most people, and I don't think they ever work when all parties concerned aren't going into the arrangement happily and willingly.

I don't think that monogamy works for most couples, either, or we wouldn't have the divorce rates that we do. But it is simple, socially accepted, and gives one the feeling that there is someone who will always be there for them, which seems very important to most people.

I don't know if this is a case of monogamy going wrong in a correctable or uncorrectable fashion, but cheating is not a promising start, and it doesn't sound like you're at all happy with his proposed solution. So I'm thinking that you'll resolve this either by resuming monogamy, or by going your separate ways. I don't know enough about you both to suggest that either one is the better idea, just that you shouldn't consider anything which really rubs you the wrong way.