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i`m doomed.

seriously i have gotten to know this gal, and man i well i like her.

normaly i`m a farily social guy. not like the most social guy ever but i do okey.

but when i talk to this girl =_=

i mean have her smile once and laughe a littel and my head well it says BOOOM and i`m as likely to be abel to put togther a cohrent sentence as a avreage turtle.

i mean seriously this is such a cliche

so anyone got any type of advice on how to keep well something resembling a cool head ?

Are you any good at acting or pretending? You could try pretending you don't care. Or actually try to care less about how you come across. I've been able to do that before, and it was a success. Keep reminding yourself that there are a lot of fish in the sea besides this one person you're crushing on.

You could try starting out by writing your feelings and seeing if that helps organize your thoughts before you talk with her.

You could also let her read what you write.

I went through something recently that sounds a bit like this.

I just about screwed up a friendship by trying to explain my feelings towards this person.
I really like her... more than just friends, but she doesn't feel the same way back.

I noticed that whenever I talk to her, unless the topic is very specific about work, politics,etc. I can't really get the right words out the way I think they would really make sense.

And add to that, the same thing you mention... her smile, her laugh... just watching her face and body, make me lose my train of thought.

So I guess my suggestions, as little help as they are, would be:
writing
keeping topics narrowly defined to something you can talk well about without messing up too much

eventually, if you get to become more comfortable around her, conversations will carry on to other things.

don't worry too much, it's just another girl, in fact she is, there are billions!

Have you read Le Petit Prince? it's a short book, about 10 pages, by Exupery. Well, in the book there's a rose that he cares about, but he cares about it because he has invested time and knows it.

Do you know deeply the girl? No.
Why? Because you haven't invested time in her.

don't worry too much, it's just another girl.


good luck

I don't know what it is but I'm never really able to be myself around girls I like.

I hate these typical girly mind games.....oh ooops I forgot ....you are a girl.

Getting me back for calling you a martian, eh?

It's not a mind game. It's like pretending you're confident when you want into a job interview. Just a coping strategy to make yourself more comfortable.

Sure it's a mind game, just like job interviews are mind games. The world's filled with games...

I'm not saying it doesn't work, though.

Honestly, it'll be difficult to get her attention if you are always fumbling for words. I'd try to talk in places you are extremely comfortable. Find places and people that you are just casual with, and start talking.

The image you've built is probably too good to be true... and perhaps an overactive imagination working(I do this all the time with girls I like). Tone it down by just focusing on what you know, and staying interested but look at her with a slightly critical eye. Realize she's just a person.

Personally, I'd only classify it as a "mind game" if the idea were to toy with or mislead the other person. I don't see anything bad about trying to improve oneself and calm one's own nerves in various social situations.

I'll second your statement on avoiding placing a crush on a pedestal. It's just another girl.

Yeah, we've had this discussion before. I am very sensitive about presenting myself in the truest way possible. It's a bit disturbing to think that I would have to pretend and act differently from what is natural to be successful. Even when the way I would naturally act isn't bad;I'm not improving myself... it's just different.

Anything different from the truth is a game. Acting overly confident in a job interview, you are slightly misleading the other person about your abilities. Convincing yourself that you are not completely infatuated with this girl, it's not true to your real feelings. It's giving her an image that she'll like better, but it's a bit different from the truth of the situation.

I would go so far as saying if I have to act differently, if I can't act casual around a girl... then a relationship wouldn't work in the first place. Conversation should flow smooth and natural. There is no way I could be an equal in a relationship with this fear hovering over me.

You're misinterpreting what I've said, I think.

Unless you're suggesting that it would be better for some dude to walk into a job interview trembling and wringing his hands, if that's his natural inclination, rather than making an effort to be presentable. Is that what you're saying? (I'm seriously curious here, not being snarky.)

In my view, if he can pull off not being nervous by pretending he isn't, then ... he's capable of doing just that, and is in no way misrepresenting himself. The "acting" is just a step along the way to personal growth and change.

Your feelings are determined in part by the decisions you make. If you have feelings you'd prefer not to have, what's wrong with making it so? By the paradigm by which you say you're operating, is seems that people who feel like having extra-marital affairs would be "dishonest" if they tried to put those feelings aside or change them, and we should cuss out our bosses when we have the urge rather than acting polite. I doubt you think that those actions would be okay to do... but what's the difference?

Well, my thoughts are complicated. Since ideally, I would prefer to go into a job interview wringing my hands and not have that be a problem. But if I really want the job, I'd go and trick myself to be more confident.... in order to get the job. Internally I am cringing that I have to change my behavior.

There's an ideal in my head, the way I'd like it to work. And the way the world actually works. Better is fairly relative here...



Well, you're making a distinctions between acts that are just wrong and general personality. If I feel like having an extra-marital affair, that action is still wrong. I would be dishonest to tell someone I didn't have these feelings, when I actually do.

Holding your tongue for your boss, would be dishonest to the boss... and ultimately cussing him out would be a more truthful way of presenting yourself. If you are inclined to that sort of anger. It's better in one sense, since he isn't lying. But ultimately he'd like to keep his job, in a "worldly" sense it'd be worse.

I would disagree with the actions the people are doing in each case, but not with them being honest about themselves and what they truly want. Growth to change their actions and thoughts would be great, I don't think that's obtained by lying to the outside world about their feelings.

If I was asked how I truely felt, and admitted nothing was wrong or put on a face that I don't hate my boss... or want to have an affair... that is not okay. Being honest with everyone about my true feelings and thoughts is very important to me. The worst thing for me to be is a phoney. I wouldn't want to act to get to where I want to be.