I don't like it when people settle for me.

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I think that people who make themselves be my friend when not wanting to aren't really my friend. I have had so many friends like that. I thought I had a bond with a girl, but in the end she didn't want anything to do with me. It was like I was a problem for her or something, the way her relatives acted toward me. She gave me the phone number and even her mailing address. I called and called to get answers that kind of hurt my feelings. "She's out with her friends" (ouch I'm not a friend?) "she's at work.", "she's with her boy friend." and the shock to my ego.. "Life would be better for you if you found a man!" We were close friends, so I thought.

I wasn't interested in the slightest of doing anything to her without permition. Yet, they acted like I was a slut or something. One even told me "Oh we thought you were working for so and so" her attacker. I descover that she had a assault by a family member, so it was mean of someone (whoever did it I owe them a bit of lip!) lie to them and say that I'm WORKING for them. How stupid that sounds, honestly. Working for an attacker, when it isn't a business or anything like that at all. The fact that I didn't know about any of it at all. Someone probably lied to me about her trying to poison them. I wouldn't have cared if she did anyway, so that was useless on their part.

Now, I'm friends with another guy. I don't know if he's settling for this friendship or what. He has a very tight, nearly impossible list of what he expects from a female partner. I don't really meat it. The looks and tastes and such. Personaly, I would prefer friendship, and leave the dateing rules and stress out of it. I think it would get me and the friend to know the other much better than with these annoying rules in place. Rules like, how to dress, how much income your expected to have, how to shave, how to talk, ect. Can't we do without these things, and get to know them for who they are? I think so. But then, I don't want some guy who is makeing himself be with me, or thinks that he just has to have a girl or else he's feeling down.

I think friends of the same sex is every bit as important as a mate friend. I would like to set him up or see him have more male friends. I would like it if this person wasn't so issolated from other people, and to feel happy. 'sigh' If I find that they only settle for me, and nothing more, I'm likely to say no rather than yes to something further. I can well do just fine without dateing and such. One friend even is suffeciant for me. When the bond starts happening, then move it to something more, I say. I think guys, as well as gals, should have a night out or something with a small group of the same gender. The last two guys I met kind of ignored me some what. They gave enough attention to my sister who wasn't interested in them. That was annoying, if you ask me. My friends, I came to find out, were setting up my sister (or trying to) with guys and didn't even look at me! Also briefly annoying.

How to tell if they are a real friend (others please add to the list).

1) When they're around you want to give them a big hug just for being there, well, maybe not if you have AS but you get the point.

2) When they're not around you miss them.

3) You don't need to look up their phone number.

4) You look forward to seeing them.

5) You trust them.

Ed Almos

I think the point is there are different types of friends. I learnt that the hard way. The best thing to do if your unsure and you getting a lot of knock backs is to take you focus off that person and start looking for other opportunities to meet people. Focussing on one person is also a mistake I’ve made. Use the 1 in 10 rule. You might do better than that but those are not terrible odd if you are willing to putt the effort in.

Thanks for your inputs.

the topics title is very self describing