Why does love hurt me?

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I swear, I think love is out to mess with me b/c Im not normal :/

I tryied many friends advice on where to find girls that are into my things " cyber cafes book stores malls cafes " but no matter how much I try I just feel even worse then befor . I don't think I was made to have love and if that long lasting love... without being hurt or controled like some little pet/child

I would give anything for some real help thanks

brad

P.S being single hurts. All I want is somone I can share time with and be in love with

I know it hurts, and I know it sucks being single sometimes. Unfortunately though the best advice I can give you is to learn to love your life the way it is. Then you'll be more likely to find someone. I'm not just saying that, I'm trying to follow that advice myself right now (and I know it's good advice even though it seems hard).

Reminds me of 3 Days Grace. Pain without love, Pain can't find enough. I rather have pain than nothing at all. There is some old saying not to look love but let love find you. Otherwise I think you are putting too much pressure on yourself. If you ask me most people just make the mistake of settling for anyone and live in a private hell. Between living in that pit of self-loathing and being alone; I prefer the latter. Everytime you are feeling down or out of the loop, analyze the relationships of those around you very carefully. I am sure you will find quite a few who are quietly planning their escape from the so called love of their life. Fear keeps people together a lot stronger than love. But what ever you do don't fall into the "poor me" trap. With that mindset it is hard to get out of bed in the morning; let alone trying to find the confidence to function. Also if humans are anything, their blood thirsty animals. They sense a weakness they will go after you for their own ends.

me to eventhough ill balling my eyes out as i type.

I feel lonely and sad. I ask myself, is there no one? The repitive cycle of thoughts of the depressed mind.

I know how you guys feel. The thing is, if you want something in life, you have to go get it. If you want a hamburger, sitting there in one place wont get you a hamburger. You have to go and make one or go buy one. So, essentially if you want a lover, you have to work towards it. I believe girls often fall for the tough guy image or the confident guy situation. Now, I'm not sure how you practice this or how you can see it in others, but somehow, women can sense it. They also like someone who'll be supportive of them and will care for them. I believe the one thing Aspies lack is the ability to understand and relate to others. This is hard, because unless Aspies learn to build this, they will seem harsh and cruel to others. It almost sounds contradicting, as women seem to go for the tough, mean guy and at the same time a guy who's caring, understanding, and supportive. Though, from my experience, most guys FAKE one of these, or both of these characteristics very well. Some seem to just have it instinctively without much though. We, however, have to train it up.

If you want to talk about it more, maybe I could share with you my stategies and skills I've been working on. I'm always glad to help those in need.

be comforted, love messes with everyone, regardless

Thanks, and Thanks to the others. I thought over the years it would get better . It hasn't

Welcome 2 my world

Honestly, I've reached the point where trying to change my solitude is more painful than burying myself in it. Being single doesn't hurt anymore - what hurts is the occasional reminders from my hormones that breeding is what I'm "supposed" to be doing as a late-twenties guy. Clearly my hormones and my brain are not in very extensive communication...

Ditto. Sometimes it feels like Cupid (the little fat guy with the bow and arrow) makes fun of me because I'm an aspie.

Ive learned to adapt to it. I mean, I have an online relationship, and it used to really hurt me because I could never see her. A lot of the time I still felt single anyway. I mean, I couldnt even spend time with her. Before her, love has TOTALLY f****d with me, whether it be romantically or family related. So I completely know what you mean. But like I said, recently after a while when I felt single again, somehow I just mysteriously adapted to being alone, and Im pretty much starting to enjoy it actually. This way I cant be hurt, and being alone doesnt seem like such a bad idea anymore. Even though shes an aspie I doubt I can make anything work, I was never able to do it before with anyone regardless.

After the first event which sent me spiraling into a depression for 3 years, my mind is now "configured" for single life (that is, I am completely comfortable being single, and am almost reluctant to pursue a relationship as i am not "configured" to be involved in relationships anymore.)

However, like MrSinister said, my body is still pumping out horomones that are interfering with this.

In my teens, twenties and thirties I wanted that loving relationship more than air. In my forties it became less. Now I have an occasional twinge. I'm content with my life as it is.

That said, there are a LOT of Aspies who get married and make it work. Love yourself and someone else will follow suit.

I read over these posts and I think ,but this being lonely this being lovelorn . .this happened to ME, all though my teens and twenties and thirties and fourties and fifties!!
Love and pain and lonliness do these things to everyone. . .they did to me. .

and then I remember I have only known I have been Aspie for a year. I forgot that I was Aspie all through those decades I mentioned above.

yep that happens to Aspies, I guess I really don't know anything else. I thought I did, I have had three marriages and so many, many relationships. . but I'll be darned! I guess I don't know ANYTHING else but being an Aspie.


Merle

right.......