The question of fashion (for the ladies)

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I just have a question for the women, in terms of a guy's fashion and what kind of stuff he wears, how much influence does it really have in terms of what you think of him? I'm not talking about if he's a slob or has paint covered shirts, I mean if he has a preference to wear Ecko, Sean Jean, Roccawear, Phat Pharm, Nautica, and Reverb or Breakdowns for pants rather than Abercrombie, Old Navy, and tight khakis.

I bring this up just because I've known a lot of guys in the past who've told me that a lot of times, if they had that sort of preference themselves and like to where that stuff they felt great sporting it but they really got no attention. Then, if they had themselves prepped out all the way everyone was checking em out and it seemed to be this real uniform thing to where if they really dressed the way they liked to they'd have no luck.

Myself I do dress well, I like a lot of the former labels I mentioned but at the same time I don't wear the real accentric stuff - its enough to show that I am a a bit on the alternative side (more on the hip hop and raver axis) but not to where I look like a punk. In my own experience also I've always found that I have a very specific problem with attraction - mainly the fact that I look innocent/adorable, the types of women I attract are very traditional, and unfortunately with that comes the fact that they're only attracted so long as I reaffirm that I am who I look like to them - any other way it seems like they're just too confused or thrown by what they see (which is sad, I can meet people half way but it rarely ever gets reciprocated). In those cases, not to be discompassionate or anything but literally being someone I not just to fill they're preconceived stereotype of me is something I'm willing to do - I know who I am, I'm proud of who I am, it took me a lot of work and soul-searching to get here, and I'd be horridly depressed if I were (in my own mind) working directly backward and trying to be someone I'm not just for the sake of wearing the whole hat and conforming myself to whatever nice neat little stack that people desire to put me in just off of first glance.

I guess that's part of why I also have absolutely no desire to jump on the Old Navy and Abercrombie wagon, for one I hate how I look in a lot of that stuff (some Old Navy is passable but Abercrombie, Aeropostle, and stuff like that I just can't touch) it but also its the fact that again, I'd be getting all the wrong kinds of attention and another problem, a lot of the guys who I'd really get along with as friends at a party and have a lot in common with to chat up about things that I'm really into wouldn't recognize me as the sort that they'd even want to talk to. For one I'm not straight-edge, I hate looking like a goody-goody (especially since not dressing that way seems to give me an allowance to be nice without being disrespected for it), yet the way my AS effects my neurology it takes a lot of external play to really project myself the way I want to - clothing is a huge part of that.

So I guess what I'm trying to figure out, what do you think is probably the best thing I can do if I want to take charge of the situation and get myself around the red tape and simplicity, actually have more control of this situation on my own? It feels like a catch 22 - be someone I'm not just for the sake of getting someone (which I couldn't, no matter how cute she was I'd be practically suicidal and would have a real hard time when she brought direct challenges against who I was, like questioning why a cute guy would listen to the music I do, almost to a point where I'd feel like there's no hope for being respected for who I really am - and I'd probably have to bring that to her direct, which would probably end things almost right then and there); or the other alternative is try to be myself inwardly and outwardly to the best of my ability, show my best traits, be happy myself, but realize there's a good chance that I'll be doing that for the rest of my life by myself just by the evidence that people really seem to move and think in lockstep.

All this may sound pretty inane but, as much as you hate to admit it when it comes to first glances, first impressions, prejudgments, yeah, unfortunately it does sound about right. I know for sure that the Ken Cole black and the Aqua Di Gio's not causing any harm so, I guess it comes back around to all the instant associations people draw on first glance and how tight and fast they like to hold to those impressions. Hope all this isn't too esoteric though, I guess I'll find that one out just on how many responses this does or doesn't get.

I like a guy who can be himself and dress to his own tastes.

Hi techstepgenr8tion-
People, whether or not they are essentially shallow or dismissing of others, do tend to dress in a type of shorthand, and use the same shorthand to tell at a glance what type of person another person might be. What kinds of music one listens to, with whom one identifies, what sort of political affiliations one has, what socioeconomic level one falls into, even one's sexual proclivities are all expressed by one's appearance. That's just how it is, shallow or not.

Just as an example, one time I was in a musical wherein the cast was dressed kind of punk. I was in the pit band, so I decided to wear a spiked dog collar. After a bunch of male cast members hit on me (must have appeared sexually kinky/easy?), I never wore it again, despite thinking it just looked cool.

So, the choices come down to, dress like whom you want others you are, or consign yourself to being misunderstood, because you can't change how people essentially are.

Yeah, I think consign myself to being misunderstood sounds about right. Then again its funny, guys seem to get it pretty readily and I guess I tend to care a bit more about how I get along with them being that friends are outlets to resources, the right guy friends don't bring drama, if your dependable for them they'll be likewise just out of code of honor, and friends don't flake out in what seems like a complete void of cause - can't really say I've seen the same thing in 'romantic' relationships (and no, no urge to jump the fence just because I know its the same BS in a gender that I'm just not attracted to on that level to begin with).

Heh, I knew I shouldn't have responded that quickly, premature OP responses to kill a thread faster than anything.

You obviously know (and care) a lot more about clothes than I do. I get the bulk of my clothes from thrift stores.

I like it when a guy has his own style.

I think a lot of the women here aren't as concerned about fashion as many NT women are. For the most part, I could care less about what a guy's wearing. Designers don't mean a damn thing to me. As long as a guy doesn't dress like he's homeless or outlandishly ridiculous (e.g., those guys who wear their pants four sizes too big), I'm ok with however they want to dress.

The last argument I had with my ex was over the fact that I didn't "help him pick out his clothes". I tried to tell him that I was more concerned about his character and personality, but that didn't seem to make him any less agitated. I have to say that it was at that point I realized we were definitely not the right people for each other (he also had an issue with the fact that I had no interest in decorating the house beyond the basics - I guess I was getting in the way of his secret plan to be featured in Better Homes & Gardens).

Anyway, my advice is to dress for yourself. Do you really want to date someone who wouldn't have given you a second glance just because you don't have on clothing by a particular designer? Personally, I think it's a waste of money to spend a bunch on something because of a label, but hey, it's your money.

I second that and haven't heard of most of those labels except Old Navy. I think it's best to dress for comfort rather than because some label is supposed to be the "in" thing. I personallly don't worry about what a guy wears providing it is clean (unless he's doing stuff like gardening, working on machinery or is an artist) and doesn't stink.

I usually get very bored in clothes stores and like to pick out something fast and get out of there in short order. This makes me weird for a woman and maybe it's an Aspie thing.

Well, just for s--ts and giggles I asked my roommate's girlfriend about my fashion while we were out partying downtown. She told me I had it pretty well locked but that I needed to get away from the baggy pants, apparently Men's Express has some stuff and from what she's telling me it sounds like, being that I am a guy and that I have good legs, baggy pants hide assets whereas tighter pants actually show a bit more off. Not that I have any aspirations of stuffing the front with socks and wall nuts (ie. Living Colour - Glammer Boys), the 80's are over, but still - an interesting perspective and its kinda interesting that women would be that visual about that kind of thing, I'd always heard otherwise...

It doesn't make too much difference for me. As long as he's wearing clean clothes, that's fine.

I was thinking about this when I was sitting on the bus the other day, I was kind of testing myself to see if these things did affect my decisions and if I had any subconscious predjudice. I decided that which particular style a guy had gone for did not bother me at all - it was more a question of effort, and (maybe you'll think this is a bit odd) what fabrics his clothes were made out of. In a really obvious and predictable way; man made cheap stuff was bad, nice expensive fabrics were good.

I would say to keep making an effort to look stylish in whatever clothes you're most happy wearing.

dress in drag one night out.



your hair-





your dress-





your boots-




go bra shopping, have a female come along with you. You can stuff your bra any method you like.

You will get the attention you've always wanted.