How important are a guy's looks to a girl?
I've read and heard that a woman will know within the first minute if she is attracted enough to a guy to sleep with him. So how much do looks play a part in women's attraction towards a guy, specifically weight. I assume obesity is a top turnoff unless the guy is famous. Women reflexively make disgusted faces when they see me. I've lost some weight in the past year, but I am still fat( 25 pounds overweight according to the BMI) and being fat has damaged my self-esteem for decades. Because of both my looks and my attitude, women then react negatively and the cycle spirals downward.
My personality is very introverted, and the dearth of social experience resulted in a lack of basic communication skills. Nevertheless, I wonder if looking fit would overcome that and help me out by experiencing less negative reactions by women when they pass me by. I've noticed that good looking guys with abusive and angry personalities don't have problems attracting women and they even have women fighting over them even if they abuse them. I don't mean to sound like I am accusing women of being superficial, but if I were in their situation I wouldn't blame them since we as men tend to immediately judge women by looks and thinness.
hartzofspace
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Speaking only for myself, I rarely find myself being attracted to anyone. But the few times that I have, it was a combination of things, only one of which was the guy's personal appearance. That being said, I am repelled by excess weight, and tend to admire a well tended body - meaning pleasing to look at. But I also have been attracted to personality, on an otherwise somewhat overweight guy. (Personally, I seem to gravitate toward tall, skinny, geeky types who wear glasses and have obsessions. )
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I think they will like fit guys more than fat guys, but dont get surprised if you spend a year losing weight only to find that you still have trouble getting girls.
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CockneyRebel
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My personality is very introverted, and the dearth of social experience resulted in a lack of basic communication skills. Nevertheless, I wonder if looking fit would overcome that and help me out by experiencing less negative reactions by women when they pass me by. I've noticed that good looking guys with abusive and angry personalities don't have problems attracting women and they even have women fighting over them even if they abuse them. I don't mean to sound like I am accusing women of being superficial, but if I were in their situation I wouldn't blame them since we as men tend to immediately judge women by looks and thinness.
It sounds to me like if you lost a bit of weight it might make you feel more attractive? which certainly would work in your benefit. It kind of sounds like you want to, and the way you use the word 'fit' makes it sound like you're thinking of going down more the exercise route? Which is probably the best idea. I do exercise not because I want to lose weight but because I find it has very beneficial effects on my mental health, apparently a lot of people report this.
I couldn't say for sure if it would help you find a girl or not.. I think what women like totally varies but tends towards guys who are reasonably thin. I think it would almost definately make you feel better though.
In the short term I have a friend who is really quite overweight but wears amazing vintage suits and is confident in himself, and girls seem to love him.
I think for most people, gross obesity is just, well, gross looking. And no matter how likable someone is, if you find it unpleasant to look at their bodies, you don't want to sleep with them.
Getting into the normal BMI range not only makes you look better, but you feel better being fitter. You have a lot more energy - walking up a few flights of stairs doesn't make you winded for example. I was thin most of my life but a bought of depression caused me to gain weight. I lost 35 pounds and feel so much better (also thanks to therapy and an anti-depressant). I feel better physically, mentally and emotionally.
But the weight loss also results in my being treated better, not just in terms of attraction, but in terms of basic respect. People don't respect people who don't take care of themselves and disrespect their own bodies. If you look like you don't take care of your most basic responsibility, your own body, people hesitate to trust that you will take care of the job you are given or that your advice, even on a subject you are expert, is valid.
But the weight loss also results in my being treated better, not just in terms of attraction, but in terms of basic respect.
Respect is what I am looking for even if it is superficially based on weight and looks. At least it's an opening to make connections with people. I am guilty of downgrading overweight people so I should not be surprised, as much as I hate to admit it, that other people will likewise judge me.
I think it's true that appearance can be a problem, but it's not the end of the world really. Within a couple of minutes of communicating you can change someone's initial preconceived notion of you. Especially with women, if you can make her laugh, are interesting and friendly then specific details about your appearance won't matter that much.
As for weight, there really is no accounting for taste... some people won't ever date a fat man... some prefer... some have no preference. It's one of those unpredictable things that's really not worth worrying about. If you are a guy and say, she'll never be with me... I'm too fat... well it's a self fulfilling prophecy.
There's so much said about changing or trying to be something that girls want to be. But if you like yourself, comfortable and confident in what you do... well that's what's going to get you girls. Not changing into what specifically they like.
One thing that I think is misunderstood, is just how important communication is to women. If you can't talk with her and be interesting through how you talk and present yourself... nothing is going to help. Work on social skills, and I think dates will just naturally follow.
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But the weight loss also results in my being treated better, not just in terms of attraction, but in terms of basic respect.
Respect is what I am looking for even if it is superficially based on weight and looks. At least it's an opening to make connections with people. I am guilty of downgrading overweight people so I should not be surprised, as much as I hate to admit it, that other people will likewise judge me.
I gained 50 pounds from depression being with my ex. I've lost 30 of it so far and I feel a lot better. I know that I'll feel even better when I feel like I have my "real" body back. It's not as simple as people liking you better if you're thin. It also has to do with how you feel about yourself. When you feel good about yourself, it reflects in your mood and your personality. People respond to that more than they respond to your outward appearance. There are people out there who are overweight but still feel really good about themselves and it makes a difference in how they're treated.
I'm not saying it's all about attitude. We do live in a world where thin people are treated better than overweight people, just like beautiful people are treated better than ugly people. What I'm saying is that you should work on the whole person, not just the outward part. I think you'll see a difference sooner that way.
You've gotten some great advice here. I'd just like to voice my agreement with the idea that your own feelings about yourself will probably matter more than the number on the scale (when it comes to attracting a nice girl), but if your feelings of self-worth are tied to that number, then the best thing to do is work on changing it.
In direct response to your original question, in my experience women have a variety of tastes and while being overweight will certainly knock you off some women's romance radar, being thin will make you unattractive to other women. Morbid obesity will give you a substantially smaller pool of women to choose from, but I haven't seen that guys who are just a bit overweight have any trouble finding women who find them attractive. You won't find a magic way of presenting yourself that appeals to all women, so just find a weight and style that feels good to you, and there will certainly be someone who appreciates it.
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The machine does not isolate man from the great problems of nature but plunges him more deeply into them. -Antoine de Saint Exupéry
My ex is obese. It never bothered me, except for when he'd have fits of insecurity and complain about being fat. I never knew how to answer that "No, you aren't" would have been an obvious lie, "Yes, you are huge" would have been cruel. I usually just settled for "I don't mind, and you are good-looking" (which he is) and a hug.
Looks do play some role in attraction, for me, but they fall far below intellect and personality. An ugly guy can be a great person and he'll start looking good to me. Conversely, a good-looking jerk won't look good to me for long.
I don't know how quickly I decide if I'd like to sleep with a guy (in conversation, that is, if I'm just "checking out" guys I can decide pretty quickly ), but, consciously at least, it is longer than a minute. The first minute is usually spent with thoughts of "My God, someone wants to talk to me, what the hell do I say to them?" and "Awww, I was enjoying my book."
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Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I
I'm hoping to achieve a positive. self-esteem feedback loop, whereby I feel good about myself in combination with not turning people off physically, which leads to me giving off good vibes, which in turn leads to positive feedback from others and sos on. Now it's all negative. Even if I do feel good about myself, others treat me like s**t and I feel worse and spiral downwards and I can't climb out of the psychological quicksand.
Just working out regularly sets all kinds of chemicals going through your body that make you feel good. It's helpful to try to remember how great you feel right after a workout, and call up that feeling again every time you're thinking of skipping a workout 'cause you feel too blah.
And if you start to feel better, you'll carry yourself better (head high, shoulders back, walking with confidence, smiling more, dressing better) and start the positive feedback early too. Just don't expect to feel like and be treated like a new person overnight. And don't let slow progress or temporary setbacks get you down. I'm rooting for you!
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