guys: do people look down on you for not having lots of sex?

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I've noticed that people really look down on guys if they haven't had a lot of sex partners, like it is the best and most important thing in life to have sex with as many girls as you can. What do you people think? Anyone experienced this?

No. In my case it's likely the opposite, meaning my friends would look down on someone who would use a trivial idea like that as a basis for judging someone.

I think this is more a creation of the media than actual human behaviour. We're constantly bombarded by sexual images with icky patriarchal hoo-has attached; this keeps us glued to the tube and staring at the ads by making us feel inadequate, which creates a need that of course can only be satisified by looking again. Nobody in real life could have the kind of Playboy mansion existence we're constantly shown as the norm- and an aspie, prone to isolation to begin with, could very easily get the idea that this is the real thing. Not so.

Guys who would look down on other guys for not having many sexual partners are usually cretins or very misled and are best ignored unless they make some other comments that are actually sensible.

My friends are the ones who either wouldn't care (or have not even had sex themselves).

For the most part we just hang out and play Halo and stuff like that. Things real men should be doing.

Well, adult men and women, particularly men, are "expected" to have sex, whether or not they're married -- makes no difference to society.

It has especially become a "definition" of "being a man". Whereas, I think someone is more of a man if they actually have control over their penis, instead of letting it lead them to bars, clubs, or parties, looking for some "action".

To those guys I say: How 'bout looking for some maturity?? Think with the big head, guys. That what it's there for.

Then, there's the occasional speculation from others that you're gay if you're a guy who hasn't dated in a while despite opportunities. Again, I say to those people: There's a difference between the biological desire to date and the decision to take every single opportunity that presents itself. Significant spans of singlehood are healthy for you, whether you're a man or a woman. They help cleanse you emotionally, and get yourself and your life straight (if needed), and they help you become centered and secure in who you are, and in what you want out of life. I, personally, need LONG breaks from girlfriends telling me how to act and behave, even if they're meaning well.

Eggsactly! Happy, content individuals aren't good consumers. People who think they can buy their way out of their "flaws" otoh, are.

Sounds like some pretty good friends.


I had a few friends that had that view of things, that lots of sex was a god thing, whereas little or no sex was something that "needed improvement." They really weren't bad guys, their values in life just really did not line up anywhere close to mine at times.

So they would have been more ignorant than lacking in thinking power.

Eh, I'm hesitant to call it flat-out ignorant. If anything, it could be viewed as a differing of opinions on what's important in life. It was almost less of a "looking down" kind of thing, more of a sense that they felt further along in life, somehow.

Also, I suppose I'm hesitant to call it ignorant due to the fact that a couple of them were, and still are, very good and loyal friends. If this is their main "flaw," I really can't be all that critical of them.

There is an argument pro having lots of partners. Biologically - an animal will want to spread its genetic material as far and wide as possible with as many variations in it to enhance the survival of its genes. Are sexaholics just acting out natures ways?

True, the 'selfish gene' wants you to mate as much as possible. Ethically that is neither here nor there, because the selfish gene is amoral (and doesn't care about making you happy, either). Frankly I want to be something better than a baboon.

I haven't met anyone who looked down on because I haven't had sex.
This sort of thing would probably only matter to "players" which I imagine most of us are not, so it doesn't matter.

Well, from what I see, the guys that have sex w/ a lot of women tend to be rather insecure about themselves. There's no denying the amount of sexual opportunities a man has DOES have a positive correlation with status. However, the guys who sleep w/ different women all the time seem to have a mission to prove themselves as an equal to a higher status man.

As long as you're getting what u want, there's no need to overstretch yourself to man-whore extremes for your own narcissistic image.

Or they really like sex, and don't view it as any different an activity than, say, riding a bike.

There's a lot of possible reasons for it. One friend of mine, he has this view that there's no harm in sleeping with someone if he has no feelings for them the next morning, that it is all in good fun, or something like that. He also views it as some sort of experience in life, almost like....traveling around the world, or maybe trying a lot of different styles of food, just another way to collect life experiences.

I think what he says sounds absolutely ridiculous, but if he thinks along those lines, there are probably others that do as well, and many, many other views, both in-between his view and mine, and well outside of both.

Oh, I agree; and pretty much agree w/ your friend that an active sex life is an adventure to say the least. What may be enough sex for some, may not be enough for others too. However, there are too many that get in the trap of feeling they're not getting enough & are driven by envy & greed to get more. That's when things get ugly.