Why we can't get the girl we like...

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The reason we fail with women is because we fall in love too quick. Our feelings and emotions become too strong too fast. Then we get nervous. I have always tried to care less about a whether a girl goes out with me, but I can't. Anyone else feel the same way and try not caring, but to no avail.

It is love at first meeting for me with girls that I like.

I'm trying to not care so much. Just enjoy the interaction with girls when it comes, try to be funny and curious... let them become interested in me first.

It's really easy for me to fall for a certain kind of girl, especially if she shows any interest in me whatsoever.

I'm working on being a little more critical and judgmental of women actually. I see guys giving girls a ton of attention and giving into her whining and demands... even before they have a relationship formed... it's kind of sickening actually. I'll never follow in these guys shoes. I can choose to not give these girls attention. Before, I wouldn't give her attention... but the thought always went through my head... even if I wanted to talk with her I wouldn't be able to.

So before you fall in love too quickly, enjoy the interaction you do have... but take a step back. Consider everything about her, do you really like her... or do you just not want to be alone. Be slightly critical in your evaluation, have standards... but keep on talking and interacting... and make sure the communication is fun.

Early game in relationships is, well...a game. You can't seem too anxious or she'll just take you for granted.

I ought to know! I had a relationship with a female with my condition for a year and a half, came close to marrying her, but I will not go into why it fell apart.

This is true for women also.

I have the opposite problem of the OP. It takes forever for me to actually develop attraction for anyone, but once I do it also takes forever for me to let go of that attraction.

Plus, after going through three years of depression after trying that last one, I ended up with an autonomic inhibition system that stops me from "liking" anyone (a defense mechanism, if you will, to prevent me from going through the depression again). Most annoying, if you ask me. Now I not only have to be able to communicate socially with women, but I also have to get over myself...

Yeah. AKA "playing hard to get". That is why it is so difficult to figure out whether a girl likes you.

Not all women "play hard to get". It's true that it's usually the man who is more "anxious" in the beginning. When the roles are reversed though, when the woman seems too eager, the man will usually lose interest and take her for granted.

This plays a part in why Aspies in general (male and female) have a hard time keeping relationships. We all tend to show our feelings too quickly because we don't understand the rules of the dating game. You're supposed to hide how you really feel and keep the other person guessing, at least that's how it seems to me. Pretty damn stupid, in my opinion.

Aspies are also much less likely to approach other people. This reduces their dating pool down to partners who will approach them.

More of a problem for men than women. But as long as you continue to not approach others and following through on attraction, you'll be limited to one particular 'type' of person to date.

in my country you just need 2 main things to get a bride: money and healthy/masculine looks ...everything else are just minor details.

I am the same way. I actually have had only one girlfriend in my life. It was weird because we were both 13 years old, our relationship only lasted a month, and get this, we never even dated nor kissed! Technically, I never had my first kiss and I'm 18 years old now. I've asked out a few girls back at high school but they dumped me for stupid reasons like I'm not rich, I don't work, etc. Since then, I'm too afraid to ask a girl out.

That sounds like my experience with my first girlfriend.

Tim

By the sounds of this, the relationships that form over time through a long friendship, aspies may be good at this...

A friend of mine told me "You need to find someone who appreciates you with your AS, but doesn't expect to be able to understand".
That'd be presuming she's non AS.

Another friend of mine told me "The world is a shallow place". lol that may sound pessimistic but I guess he is an alright friend anyway because he's being honest and that.

That's still better than my one technicality. I had a girlfriend for three seconds, as in she says "wanna go out", I say "okay", then three seconds later she says "nevermind", and I say "okay". There were no actual feelings on my part.

I am the same way, even though I am a woman. It's very easy for me to approach a guy that I don't care for, but I get very shy and anxious when I really like a guy. In the few times when I've shown a guy that I am interested in him, that only scared him off. Men like to chase women who don't give a crap about them. I am actually surprised that women are mean to men who are nice to them. I find it very hard to turn down a guy who is genuinely interested in me. Well, I guess I'm weird. Maybe that's the reason I am alone.

i also have a problem with this, but the girl i cant get is practically one of my best freinds that ive know for about 7 years, she does know but she wont be able to see me anything more than a freind but we still have a freindly relationship