Need Help! Is he interested and how do I react to him?

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I am 40 years old and the guy I like is the same. We went to school together years ago and found each other last June on the internet. He hasn't had a study relationship for at least 9 years and he rarely dates at all. He says he is uncomfortable in all social situations and is an emotional shipwreck. He tells me that he is not interested in dating anyone right now. He is very career minded and spends unreal hours on the job. He also lacks energy and has trouble sleeping. I requested that we meet up and he called and told me where to meet him. It was obvious he was very nervous and uncomfortable. He did sit beside of me and now that I think of it I can't remember actually having any eye contact with him. He does send me emails everyday and tells me that he is much better on paper or emails than in real life. He said that when people got to know him they lost interest pretty quickly. He tells me that he doesn't think he is emotionally equipped for the serious relationship I would need. He also informed me that he was cautious for me and himself. At one time he told me that he acted interested in someone and when they started to react he shut down. I told him yesterday in a blunt email that I would like to see him before the holiday season got under way. He sent back that he could do that on Dec. 13. So he will agree to see me when I want too. I know that it takes a lot out of him to agree to stuff like that. I also know that he has been hurt a lot in all the relationships that he has had. His mother passed away when he was young and he didn't have an easy time of life when he was growing up. He says he doesn't do relationships correctly. I know for a fact that he tells other people that he is taken. If they insist on trying to flirt with him, he deletes them. With me...........when I flirt with him. He will say he doesn't know how to react and it makes him feel uncomfortable. My gut feeling is that he likes me. What do you all think? And how do I relate to him? How can I get him to be more comfortable around me? I've really fallen hard for him. He is the most truthful, kindest person I have ever met!

1) first of all, given that this person has been hurt in the past (as you say), make sure you never hurt him, either through action or inaction.

2) Try to get involved in his daily life. If you are involved in a number of non-romantic activities, he may grow to be more accustomed to your presence. Online correspondance on a regular basis is good too (as you say he is better online than in person)

3) Patience is an utmost concern. Bringing an aspie around takes a LOT of patience, especially if said aspie has been majorly hurt in life before. Expect a bare minimum of a few months of keeping this up... If you do so, that sends the sign that you are committed (something that carries far more weight in thr aspie world than the NT one)

4) Be direct. Don't expect all (or even some) of your unconscious social cues to be picked up. State your intentions clearly, and you are more likely to evoke a response.

Note that you should only commit if you want to get into a relationship with him. If you start this and later change your mind, it may hurt him far more than anything else in his life ever has (he will basically think you betrayed his trust in you)...

That sounds like good advice to me. I do want the relationship and would never hurt him. I'm finding that being rather blunt with him works best. I just told him that I liked him in September. I thought this might be of interest....he has a identical twin that just got married last year.