Those people you only "sort of" like.

Post Reply New Topic

So, I don't have any real major major crushes, but there are some girls I sort of...kind of...mildly like like that. As in, not so passionately I'd ever feel the desire to take the initiative and start a relationship with them, but if they started one with me I wouldn't mind. I wouldn't mind just being friends with them either, though--in some cases I'd prefer that. I wouldn't feel right starting a romantic relationship with someone I don't have uber-passionate feelings about, especially since I now how intense my feelings for someone can be.

But I have to wonder...what if the only girls I'd have any chance with are ones I only "kinda" like? What if any girl who I DO feel so passionate about is one who does not like me in the same way? This is how it's always been in the past, and I'm afraid of it staying that way in the future. Granted, it's impossible to tell, but...just what if? And how do you guys feel about settling for someone?

In many countries, marriages are still arranged by the family. So, there is no need to be passionately in love in order to form a successful marriage. It is nice, of course, but not a requirement.

Good question. From discussions I've had with people, it seems to work like this: one person REALLY likes the other, so they pursue the other. The other doesn't care, or only cares a little, but upon reflection decides it's worth a try. So they date. The other person's feelings will probably grow. If not, the relationship tends to fall apart - one more reason for break-ups, but hey, break-ups are common.

Something like that. It makes sense to me. I'm not saying you shouldn't be picky if you want to be (I kind of want to be, I think), but on the other hand, feelings can grow so if you want to give it a go...

Not a good idea to go as far as marrying someone you only kind of like, but it's good to date people even if you don't have especially strong feelings for them. It's worth a try, and even if it doesn't work out, you'll still end up with more experience for future and more worthwhile, compatible relationships.

This is something that's sort of difficult for me. There are so many girls that I sorta like... but not completely... and they never really compel me to be really forward and take risks and show my interest.

They're nice and all, but I don't need them and really desire their companionship.

Then once and a while there is someone I'm really passionate about, she drives me to take risks and approach and really try to better myself for her. This sort of attraction, well I usually fall on my face... and don't play the game properly. And it has never worked out when I've felt this way about someone.

Of course if I am reasonably attracted to a girl, and she's completely enthralled with me that helps me to push myself to be with her. And there is attraction in someone I like being attracted to me.

So many girls seem the same, nice but kind of cookie cutter... they all seem the same after a while. I can't really be attracted to that... there has to be something about her that sets her apart from the others. The really unique ones don't seem to be that interested in me though.

a lot of times, you start out only 'kinda' liking a person, and then as you get to know them more, your feelings can deepen. if you don't really know someone, how can you feel 'uber-passionate' about them? are you basing this just on looks? or do you really truly know them? you need to base things more than just what's on the surface, and i don't mean just looks. love is a very complex thing, and doesn't just 'happen'...it has to be worked at.
and not everyone finds their true love...not everyone even finds actual 'love', but some of us will settle for a reasonable facsimile thereof.

sometimes 'almost' is better than nothing....

I've always found that dating someone I think is OK but that I'm not passionate about makes me miserable. Mainly because I've seen the future and I know that I'm going to dump this boyfriend and he's going to cry on me.

I don't agree something is better than nothing. Boyfriends expect you to spend one hell of a lot of time with them and if I get bored during that time I become resentful. Reading a good book is a better use of my time than hanging around with someone I'm not that excited about.

Yes, take your chance, see if you grow to like him/her more.
If this doesn't occur, just enjoy the ride to an inevitable, but not heartbreaking, breakup.

This might seem cruel or cold-hearted but I've noticed it's a common practice in the NT-world.

I wouldn't recommend that approach in the culture in which we're living. Someday somebody's going to give you butterflies, and if you're in a committed relationship with someone who has -never- given you that feeling, cheating is going to look really appetizing.

Everybody I dated in the past were girls I only sort of liked. A girl would show some interest in me, and since girls hardly ever like me, I'd go ahead and start dating her. Every time, my feeling toward her would more similar to being flattered by the fact that she likes me, rather than genuinely liking her. At times, I'd even feel a mild infatuation, if the girl did something to strike a pleasant chord in me. If the relationship had a chance to grow, I'm sure my feelings would intensify, as the girl would grow on me as a person. However, those relationships did not last long, the getting-over time after a break-up was relatively short, anywhere from a few days to two weeks.

I know I wouldn't settle. I have a list of criteria that anyone I date *must* meet, and only those who meet all of the criteria will be considered.

Tim