I'm 26 and have rarely dated. What should I do?

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I'm desperate here. Any ideas?

Find out what your interests are, and then try and join some clubs involing these interests, you might meet a girl like that.

I think I was really depressed a while ago. I'm getting over it.

Thanks, though.

I'm getting interested in pharmacology and the neurobiology of pervasive developmental disorders. I was interested in philosophy of science. Statistics is starting to look fascinating.

I doubt I can woo women with that.

Well, what are the reasons why you haven't dated?

There are many potential reasons why.

I'm 25, and I've never been on a date either. I'm working on it, and socially I can talk to women nowadays. Much better than I was, even just 6 months ago.

But I have much to improve on, it'll be a work in progress until I have a long term relationship. And then there will be a whole new set of things to work on.

You can improve, and if I am any indication... it can happen very quickly.

I have crappy social skills. Oddly enough, I do get women interested in me quite easily. I think I'm fairly handsome so they do come up to me. Once they start talking to me, though, they don't stay much longer.

My biggest problem is that I have poor eye contact. I also suspect that there's something funny that I do when talking to people.

Question?

Do you really want a relationship and all that goes with it?

I have an impossible time finding "relationships" but that isn't usually what am always after, that doesn't require much social skills.

I at least want to experience it. It's like riding a bike I guess: yes I'll fall but at least I got on it and then back on after having fallen.

I don't understand your last sentence.

Last edited by psychedelic on 07 Dec 2007, 1:05 am, edited 1 time in total.

Is there anywhere you can sort of practice eye contact? I don't have a problem with eye contact, but I just don't know what to do with it. It has just taken experience, know how long to look at someone to make them feel comfortable... but not so I seem like a creep.

My eyes tend to wander when I'm talking with someone... I'm still interested... it just happens. I have to consciously make my eyes just look at her face.

I don't know how true this is, but it seems like it works... when I look a girl in the eye I wait for her to look away first before I do so. It may not be that it's really mean anything, but it forces me to look her in the eye longer... and not stare at the ground like I'm unsure and not supposed to even be looking at her.

Right now I'm working on how I present my smile. I smile most of the time, it's just my nature. But when I'm smiling all the time, it's difficult to make it seem like I'm smiling at a girl.

I think subconsciously people want it to seem like you are smiling because of them, not just because you are happy.

Practicing eye contact? Not really. I'll have to think on that one. I wonder how likely it is to meet an aspie girl?

I remember that I would ignore my eye contact problems for a while a time back. I felt like I was driving blind.

Practicing eye contact?

Just go up to girls and start talking with them, any opportunity for interaction is a way to practice.

Go to a restaurant, use it as an opportunity to experiment with how you interact with the waitress.

I'm not too concerned with specifically going for an Aspie girl. Finding the girl you think is perfect for you, is no guarantee that she'll want to be with you. And if she does come around, just because she's great does not mean that you can't mess everything up by how you act... even with Aspie girls.

So practice so that you can talk with and have girls be interested with you will be of great benefit. So when a great opportunity arises, you won't be left with nothing to say.

It's called social skills, and I don't think the skill part is meaningless. It's something that can be improved... and learned and honed.

At this point, I'm so screwed that few even talk to me. Although that is changing. (As far as I can help it I will never stop weight training, ever!! !) They're still scared of me though.

But they're smiling at me more.

Weight training all the way.

Life still sucks!

Actually, I'm clueless; I don't know why the hell people do anything sometimes.

(If I don't answer back in several hours, it's 'cause I'm sleeping.)

hi again psychedelic. . I also live in tucson, so if you ever wanted to team up, venture off into the wild and pick upa few chicks, we could give it a shot.

Could you perhaps look at her nose or mouth if you can't look in her eyes--- most people wouldn't notice that.
And about your interests--- you never know who might be interested in your interests. People like all sorts of things and activities.
If you are to go someplace with someone, maybe try going out to simply do something--- not a "date", which can be intimidating. Hang out, so to speak, or just eat. See something the way friends would, without any expectations of anything other than similar likes. Worse thing that can happen is that you don't become romantic but still gain a friend, so you'd still be ahead. I think, anyway. Best thing that can happen is that you might find that you like each other. My BF and I started out as friends, and it turned into something great. And that was when I was 30!
Don't lose hope--- I'd had boyfriends before but they ended up making me sad and I couldn't be me. Difficult situations arose. It can be better waiting for someone better than settling or striving for someone who isn't.

skatthic: more and more I hear this and I'm starting to think that the way mention is the way to go.

revenant86: It's great to know that there is someone here from Tucson. How old are you? 21? What do you do?

I am 30, have a very-high paying job, look good, and have a large group of people. Here is the thing that I discover even for us more social adept Aspies. People are not coming to. You have to initiate the social contact and be aggressive.

Aspies are not the most desirable people but there are a lot of people who like us. It just that they tend to ignore us because we are different. But if you take the time to initiate the social contact and have decent social skills, most people will not reject you. Aspies are some intangible qualities that few NTs have and that makes us better friend than NTs. It just that we need help in some areas of social communication but

For Aspies that make $60,000 and are are diganoised by a psychologist then I would look at a social skills coach. Most insurance companies will have to pay for it. And if you in any large city or county . And I am sure that your manager or boss will improve it because it will have tangible results at the work place and a good boss will believe in investing in the employee's talent and skills would allow you to restructure your schedule so you can go see the . If you work in the public sector like I do, than you will have sufficent sick leave to do this.

And if you any questions about, see me a PM and I will answer your questions in more details