Useless

Post Reply New Topic

Does anyone else manage to come off as aloof and uninterested when they're actually just feeling introverted and shy? I am quite annoyed with myself today. Last night I bumped into an attractive gentleman whom I have been interested in for quite some time. (I say bumped into as if it were accidental. This is a lie. I knew he was there and had basically come to see him). When he saw me coming into the club he came over immediately to apologise for not replying to a facebook message he said was 'sweet', and to hug me. I was not prepared for this so he must have felt like he was hugging a stone pillar, then was too shocked to make conversation but rambled a bit, directing my ramble at the ceiling, which has just had gold peacocks painted on it, and not at him. I then felt to shy to speak to him for the rest of the evening.

Now he thinks I don't like him. In a couple of weeks time, I will almost certainly send him another longwinded facebook message about various books and music. He will not reply, and I will think he is not interested. This has been going on for 6 months now

Why will it be a couple of weeks before you write to him again? Is writing to him any easier than interacting with him in person?

Oh, don't wait a couple of weeks! Would you be too embarrassed just to email him, telling him that you were feeling shy when you saw him and you want him to know that you were happy to see him?

If you send him another facebook message and he doesn't reply this time, I'd guess that he really isn't interested in that way. I can't imagine that, though. You seem like a great girl.

edit: And in answer to this...

...yes! Very, very frequently.

Ugh I know EXACTLY how that is;
I get nervous around girls I find to be attractive and a lot of the time I stuble all over my words then they talk to me, and then probably walk away thinking I'm being mean to them becasue it's nigh impossible for me to make and keep eye-contact.

And I get accused of "not caring" because it's difficult for me to express what they want.

It's frustrating.

send him a private message on facebook asking him to accompany you to a showing of Juno (or some other movie you want to see).

Do it today.

*agrees*

Writing is always easier than interacting in person because I am roughly twenty times more eloquent. More so in his case because a situation like the one I described magically removes that last little remaining bit of eloquence.

See, he has now promised to reply to my previous message, which makes me think I ought to wait for that - at least for a couple of days - before I send him another one. I thought that was good facebook etiquette. Oh, as if I would know.

The thing about this guy is that he's actually quite awkward and shy himself - although I've noticed less recently, I think his band doing so well has upped his confidence, (they're very good and deserve it). I think he may even also have Aspergers because his obsessions are VERY VERY noticeable, in a sweet way, he has some other traits too. I *think* there is something there but it's hard to tell when I think both of us are to shy to say anything. He always looks pleased to see me. I catch him staring at me sometimes too. I used to go to this club a lot more often than I do now, and he used to stand next to the DJ booth and stare at me dancing.

Could I be imagining all that though? I am infamously crap at reading people. I think the reason I haven't asked him out - which if you look at it logically is obviously the right thing to do - is because if he says no I can't have my daydream anymore. Which is pretty pathetic really.

Here's the thing: He won't say no to a movie. Who would? If, for some weird reason, he does say no, you'll be better off knowing he doesn't want to have anything to do with you. And if that is the case he would have avoided you at that club instead of talking to you.



Don't wait... I tell people I'll call them and then I forget I even said I would.

Send him the message today, or decide to move on and forget about him. It's not worth it to waste time thinking about what might have been. You don't even need to use facebook. Send him an email or call him on the phone.

I didn't realize how this whole thing worked until junior/senior year of high school and I sometimes wonder why...

It's a hard jump to take, but I think Alex is right.

Also, if he's a shy guy and he actually managed to come over to hug you, that sounds like a big deal! I don't think you're reading too much into this at all.

I have the same sort of difficulties. I agree that the best thing is to be upfront and tell him you were feeling shy.

yes I am quite like that...its annoying really

Well, I wouldn't even mention something that happened in the past. Bringing up things from the past only reinforces incidents in peoples memories and makes them wonder why you even brought it up...

If you are worried that he may think you werent interested when you saw him, you should write him at least within the next 2 days and tell him you were glad to see him that day and then add something else. That way he wont have any room to think negatively of the situation.

Good Luck.

So . . . cross that silly line then! What's the worst that could happen?

Take a reasonable amount of time; write something you like, wait a couple hours, re-read, tweak, and send him something you'd like him to read from you.

I agree, which is why I wrote that I didn't want to disturb him while he was DJing, (partly true anyway) and said he startled me a bit earlier.

About a year and a half ago, when I was in a similar situation to this, I arranged myself an interview with the guys band, pretending that I HAD to go up to Birmingham and stay at their house because my editor wanted me to do a feature of them showing me around the city. (It worked and I ended up going out with him). Whatever happened to my confidence since then? Actually I know what happened to it - I was dumped in a horrible way by the first guy, was then completely messed around by someone else, then was raped. I seriously need to get myself back into a state where I can cope with the possibility of being knocked back.

You know the road to recovery starts with a step,
like: for example when I was shot three times in the chest, I had to get up and get help, the first steps were painful, but then you get better (I'm speeding up the story a lot to make and effective... piece of wise advice) I'm now healthy as an ox, and I'm thinking with enough will and force you can make an emotional recovery with the likes of which no one on earth has ever seen! ^-^
That and if that pic on your avi is you I'm VERY sure that guys would be absolutely CRAZY to turn you down! ^-^
So keep at it!