Girls are impossible

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So anyway a new girl started working at the job I hate so much and i being the way I am helped her out and she caught on very quick. (way quicker than I did), anyway she was fairly friendly to me and I got to know her somewhat. It seems like the girl is way into herself though, but she has a few things in common with me such as being homeschooled as well. Anyway I have a big crush on her so I decided to add her to my facebook, then AIM list. Which went ok, wasn't a lot to say on AIM. So anyway I am wondering how do you move onto the next step, beyond just getting to know someone in this situation? I typically turn girls off at this step as they think I'm to needy or something which is typical for Aspie guys. Also it's hard to even see her as the manager likes to schedule me with people that I don't like, not people who I do. (well not really but it feels that way sometimes). Also I'm quiting the stupid job in a month but I still want to get to know her better. Any tips?

Dust

Sounds like self-pity. You should really get a hobby.

- D

You said you talk on AIM some, is there a movie both of you would be interested in? Not really a date, how about a "Hey, we should go see that." as long as is it something both of you think would be cool. Then after the movie, if everything went well a "hey, you hungry?" and head out to a restaurant.

I have been in so many similar situations. I can totally understand Weatherman's predicament. Aspie guys come across as needy because most often we are that way.

Snubbed by a female, were you? Yes, females can be quite the botheration, can't they? Unless you're a homosexual, women have what we desire and know it. Thus the power females have over guys can be either subtle or diabolical.

Although men are characterized as being the "stronger" of the two sexes, ask yourself who has the real power here?

Yes, women are great, but they can drive you crazy.

Esp. if you have Asperger's Syndrome.

I did that with a girl once, was genuinely hungry myself and really wanted a conversation with her.

Course I botched it in a few ways but damage control shall occur.

I found my wife (who you might also call my first real girlfriend) on the Internet, and we went out without calling it a date, just "meeting". We didn't have any kind of romantic bonding going on through email. That doesn't work (in my experience at least). Halfway through our second date, I asked her if it was a date, and at the end she kissed me.

I guess my point is that you should just throw your hook out there repeatedly until someone bites even though you baited it with an olive. You need someone who finds your neediness charming, but you'll probably never find her without some effort and/or risk.

Kidnap her

<<< Girl Poster.

If this person does not seem to be patronizing you, or just wants you in the "Friend Zone", move on.

That being said, what you need to do is talk to her, on AIM... ABOUT HER. I know this seems weird, like, "Why should I have to just talk to her about her? That sucks!" but trust me.

Make a list of questions to ask her, things that you don't already know. If you are/act interested in her life and personality, she will reciprocate. This works on any nut that's hard to crack. Including guys, friendship or otherwise.... <_<

Talk about things that you already semi-have in common:
- What do you think about working here?
+What other jobs have you had?
+What was your favorite job?
+Why?
- What else do you like to do online?
+Do you visit message boards?
+Blog?
- Etc.

Small talk that shows you care about the little stuff, too:
- How was your day/week/weekend?
- What are you doing tonight/this weekend? Don't ask this in a way that you are suggesting you hang out - ask it just cause you "want" to know.

Ask about her background:
- Did you grow up here?
- Do you have brothers and sisters?
+Older or younger?
- Pets?
- Music?
+You can go on forever about this.
- Etc.

Then, the stories:
- Favorite memory.
- Funniest thing (and laugh at it).
- Embarrassing.

You get the idea. Make it all about her, but make a few comments about yourself after she answers anything. Mostly things that you have in common. "Yeah, I think this job sucks too, but I'm stuck here for another month." Make this flow as smoothly as possible. Don't make it sound like an interview. Try not to ramble or get sappy. But stretch this out for a week or so, then see where you're at. If you're still not officially in "Friend Zone", that is the time to go for lunch, coffee, milkshake, walk, park, mall. After that, dinner, movie, hanging out at her or your place, other things that people associate with "date".

Okay, now this seems simple to a LOT of people, but barely anyone ever does this! There is always something you don't know about her. Figure it out and ask, and let her go off. It's good for people who don't like to talk a lot, because all you really have to do is LISTEN and remember.

heh heh
yeah, aim works a lot better for me too, since there is no body language to deal with.

BTW, it is no fun talking to girls soley about what THEY like. Like I spoke with her about acting for example, and if you know me I can't stand acting, and it's hard when it's one sided. If she just answers questions there's no give and take. Also I'm just afraid she will go ice cold on me.

If you keep it real, the girl you choose to be with should respect your realness and realness in general. If she is unable to detect a lack of realness in you, this is also a problem.

Realness: sincerity, authenticity, honesty

One bit of advice to the lads is to seek out the above quality in whomever you pursue, in friendship and romance alike. It is very good if you can actually sniff it out before any interaction takes place. Observing her -or him- at a distance before you make your big move is also well advised. But stalking is not.

Knowing the difference between stalking and pursuing is an absolute must for the aspie male, given our social ineptitude.

You make a good point, weather1man. Being able to gauge the interest-level of your date is critical. There are so many things about human behaviour you must understand before you can expect a rewarding experience. It's tough because these things can never be taught but only learned. No one gave me the understanding and instincts I now possess. I fought for them and died many deaths, believe me.

Good luck my friend.

Girls are impossible


And your just learning that now!! !! !

Well I was able to speak with her more easily today.

What's the difference?