List Dating Platitudes

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16 Dec 2007, 8:56 pm

Around here, dating advice typically comes in the form of platitudes that are meant more to make the other person feel better than to actually effect change. I'll start:

Just be yourself.
Look for friends, not romance or sex.
Your time will come; just be patient.

juliekitty
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16 Dec 2007, 9:27 pm

There's somebody out there for everyone.

If someone doesn't accept everything about you, they aren't the right person for you anyway.

Kilroy
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16 Dec 2007, 9:31 pm

juliekitty wrote:

There's somebody out there for everyone.

If someone doesn't accept everything about you, they aren't the right person for you anyway.

I don't beleive that

Who_Am_I
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16 Dec 2007, 9:35 pm

There's plenty of fish in the sea.

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Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I

Pugly
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16 Dec 2007, 10:48 pm

NeantHumain wrote:

Just be yourself.
Look for friends, not romance or sex.
Your time will come; just be patient.

The first two are pretty good... well 'just be yourself' needs more in addition. It's good to be yourself, but if you are one who is nervous talking to women at all... well you will need to change yourself in order to start a relationship. But that doesn't mean that you shouldn't always be yourself.

Looking for friends is good advice, since it puts less pressure on everything. But it does require an additional consideration. You need to be aware of when to move it beyond friends, and how to tell when a girl would like that too... this is the impossibly complex part that just kind of happens.

But your time will come; plenty of fish in the see; there is someone out there everyone... not great advice. It isn't even advice though, just some canned expression to make you feel good. Much of what caring people do is just use expressions that sort of mask what the reality is... just to make you feel better. In communication they intuitively work with subjective truth, to improve feelings (or break down feelings as is probably more often the case).

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ToadOfSteel
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16 Dec 2007, 11:42 pm

Who_Am_I wrote:

There's plenty of fish in the sea.

Thanks to the efforts of our multinational corporations, the sea is now polluted...

Brian003
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17 Dec 2007, 12:40 am

That line has multiple truths.

juliekitty
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17 Dec 2007, 2:06 am

Kilroy wrote:

I don't beleive that

I don't either.

The purpose of the thread was to list dating platitudes -- not just to list the ones you agree with.

LePetitPrince
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17 Dec 2007, 6:14 pm

"personality is the most important thing"

sarahstilettos
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18 Dec 2007, 10:32 am

Umm, I agree with all the things people have posted so far. Especially Juliekitty's second one. Sorry.

ascan
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18 Dec 2007, 2:45 pm

NeantHumain wrote:

Around here, dating advice typically comes in the form of platitudes that are meant more to make the other person feel better than to actually effect change. I'll start:

Just be yourself.
Look for friends, not romance or sex.
Your time will come; just be patient.

I was playing spot-the-NT-female with replies in one of your threads earlier today, based on those same comments!

You're best off going to a prostitute to get the leg-over thing out of your system; you'll feel a lot better after. Alas, there's no quick-fix for a longterm relationship. Even for those males here with AS who are married, most of them will end up divorced. That's just how things are.

pandabear
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18 Dec 2007, 2:48 pm

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

sarahstilettos
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19 Dec 2007, 9:56 am

ascan wrote:

NeantHumain wrote:

Around here, dating advice typically comes in the form of platitudes that are meant more to make the other person feel better than to actually effect change. I'll start:

Just be yourself.
Look for friends, not romance or sex.
Your time will come; just be patient.

Because obviously anyone who has a positive attitude to this stuff has to be NT???

ascan
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19 Dec 2007, 1:15 pm

sarahstilettos wrote:

Because obviously anyone who has a positive attitude to this stuff has to be NT???

Often NT and female, yes. Although there may be some value in some circumstances with the first two listed in the opening post of this thread, they still show that the person offering the advice hasn't got a bloody clue what it's like to be a male with AS. Just "being yourself" is a surefire way to get people to avoid you. As for "looking for friends", getting those can actually be more difficult than getting sex.

Of course, I know people mean well; I'm just explaining why they get the reaction they do. I'll clarify, too, that I'm not wishing to paint too bleak a picture; I'm just being realistic. It's still worth making an effort as a few people do find happiness longterm.

sarahstilettos
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19 Dec 2007, 1:52 pm

I would disagree that finding friends is more difficult that finding a lover. Once you do have them, they have a wonderful habit of introducing you to people, who are sometimes vastly irritating and/or ugly, but are sometimes hot and of the opposite, (or same if thats your thing) sex to you. If they are a good friend they will big you up to that person too.

Also, having friends/seeming to have friends makes you look more attractive.

Overall, friends are a Good Thing when looking for a partner. Hence looking for friends first DOES make sense.

ascan
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19 Dec 2007, 2:27 pm

sarahstilettos wrote:

I would disagree that finding friends is more difficult that finding a lover.

Do you have AS? Even if you do, females with AS generally find things considerably easier than males as far as relationships go. Neither getting sex nor making friends is easy. And I said "getting sex"; "lover" implies something more longterm. Anyway, both can be almost impossible for some with AS. But, in my experience sex is relatively easier, but not easy. Sex is ephemeral, friendship something of length. Sex requires maintaining the illusion of normality only long enough to get her into bed. Moreover, you can pay for sex. Nothing wrong with that.

Perhaps that difference in opinion stems from our definitions of friendship. On the other hand, perhaps not.

sarahstilettos wrote:

Once you do have them, they have a wonderful habit of introducing you to people, who are sometimes vastly irritating and/or ugly, but are sometimes hot and of the opposite, (or same if thats your thing) sex to you. If they are a good friend they will big you up to that person too.

I get the impression you really haven't got a clue how difficult some of us find making friends. It just doesn't happen unless they are people you meet somewhere like this. Do you understand that? If not, please try. Have you met many adult males with AS? When people spend any length of time with us they know there's something wrong.

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