Its finally over

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My first major relationship ended today.

It had been technically over for about a month when we had a 'falling out'. But she came up to my door to return something, and wouldn't even stay to talk to me. I saw behind her a car of problably some other guy she was seeing as she turned around without as much of a word and left. In case you're wondering what the details that lead to this event, basically I had met her through an online dating website (she messaged me) and we pretty much hit it off well from there. We met and eventually started becoming close. She was a pretty awesome person to be around the first couple months. She complimented me on how smart and fun I was to be around with. She was pretty much a geek, just like me... into science, star trek, video games, etc... She had claimed she wasn't looking for relationship (despite it saying in her profile) because she was moving out to another campus, but I did eventually develop feelings for her. I never used the words 'love' but I did say to her that I liked her.

Well, things started going downhill when I brought her flowers, a card, and a paint set for her birthday. I never said anything to her parents or friends about us being involved, but I did get that 'look' from her parents. She didn't seem to have a problem with the gift as we shagged that night. Then, things started going downhill afterwards. She would call up at the last minute to cancel plans for some reason, and then eventually not even bother to call at all. After a few times of this happening, I called her out on it and told her and told her that I noticed this change in her, and she made the excuse that we never actually set anything in stone to begin with so its my fault. Well, its not like we did anything different when going out in the beginning. She stopped inviting me to hang out w/her friends, and when I tried to invite her a few times to hang out with mine she came up with an excuse of feeling tired at the last minute.

Eventually, she had a 'talk' with me saying that she wanted to keep things as a friends-with-benefits with me (this was after she didn't get the letter saying she was allowed in her college). I was a little confused as to her feelings towards me, but I decided its better to get something out of this then nothing, so I was OK with it. A few more weeks later I came to her house to play some video games and she wouldn't get close or do anything with me. I asked her on our way back to my house if there's anything wrong, and she said that she wanted to be friends but didn't want to get close to me anymore. At that stage, I felt really hurt because she's not telling me anything what's going on in her life or why she's so depressed all the time, and I finally asked her pointedly if she was seeing another guy. She said she didn't get close to any of them yet, but she was talking to a few. I was angry, and hurt, and stopped calling her for a week. Fast forward to what happened today and this was the end result.

The revelation wouldn't have been so bad if it hadn't happened on the week that my friends from Portland were visiting, on my graduation, and at the same time where I went to a party 3 days ago and got stoned out of my mind, where I'm still reeling from the effects from today. I'm pretty much bummed out and depressed the entire week. My future is changing rapidly, this s**t happens to me between her and I, and it's causing so much turmoil in my head that it's hard to handle. Not even talking to my friends is helping me.

I think there might some things going on in her life that accounts for her behavior; i.e. breakup she hasn't fully recovered from. Also, I find that sometimes women don't really tell you what they're thinking and may seem nothing is wrong when they're not interested to not hurt your feelings directly. When she said that she wasn't looking for a relationship, she probably meant it.

I suggest you not worry about it and look for someone else.

Meh.

Breakups suck.

Specially when you're the breakeruper. (is that a word? It is now)

I've dumped my ex......3 times now? I think.

Not because I can't stand her, she's awesome and whatnot, but because I can't have a relationship right now, mainly because I work 11 hours a week, take 15 credits and whatnot, It's just preferable that I don't have a relationship..........of course thats for long distance, if something comes up at school, then by all means will I pursue it.

But mate, live strong, be stronger and move on.

----Doc Gamester, Resident Love Doctor----

I don't agree with Gamester. I would imagine it would be much worse in a breakup for the breakerupee (if that's a word) because that's the person who doesn't want to breakup and the breakeruper is making the decision.

That's pretty funny. How did you end up in a situation that you need to dump your SO 3 times?

Actually, I think it pretty much has more to do with her phobia of getting into a relationship. She already has social phobia, so I would not have been surprised to see it extended to being afraid of entering a relationship. I don't think she thinks of herself as a slut, because she is kind of a hippy, and didn't carry the attitude that sleeping around should be a negative aspect of her. I still miss her, though. I wish things could be changed around between us, but I don't know how or think that'll ever happen.

Dude, sounds like she just wanted "friends with benefits", as you said. And I think you're right; she didn't want a relationship; maybe she's scared, or maybe it wasn't going as well with her as you thought.