Do you think I'm being paranoid?

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aeroz
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13 Dec 2007, 3:17 pm

Ok there is this girl I met online, and I like her alot. She is intellegent, beautiful (I have seen her on webcam), we share the same hobbies, and seem to be sexually capatable. I have been talking to her for years. Now I have been thinking about a trip to Japan and offered her to come with. She agreed, and one thing led to another, so now we are staying with her Japanese roomies (she studies there according to her). Also she decided to pay for my ticket and related expences. Basically treating me to a free trip.

Now I know that there are people with that kind of money to blow and such a generous spirit. But at the same time I follow the philosophy "if something seems too good to be true, it probably is". Now am I being overly suspicious, or am I justified in thinking something is amiss?



pandabear
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13 Dec 2007, 3:31 pm

It sure seems like a sweet deal to me.



JohnHopkins
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13 Dec 2007, 3:38 pm

I'd say keep your guard up. Don't be dumb enough to expect her to provide everything. Take your own money, take enough clothes, soap, flannel etc. all the stuff you would take if you were going on holiday anywhere normally. I'd also be dubious of someone willing to pay this much money accomodating someone they've never met, but hey, go for it if you like.

Oh, and USE A CONDOM.



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13 Dec 2007, 3:41 pm

no reason to be paranoid when she's the one paying for the ticket.


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sinsboldly
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13 Dec 2007, 3:54 pm

alex wrote:
no reason to be paranoid when she's the one paying for the ticket.


Perhaps I just don't understand what you are saying, Alex, or am taking it the wrong way.

However I have had tickets paid for by the guy and SHOULD have been paranoid, because he thought he had 'bought' me. At least for the duration of the trip. When my return ticket is in their possession I have had ah. . 'conditions' placed upon me getting to use it.

I would have the return trip ticket firmly in my possession at all times during the trip, not because of trust/distrust, but simply for personal security.

Merle



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13 Dec 2007, 5:06 pm

sinsboldly wrote:
alex wrote:
no reason to be paranoid when she's the one paying for the ticket.


Perhaps I just don't understand what you are saying, Alex, or am taking it the wrong way.

However I have had tickets paid for by the guy and SHOULD have been paranoid, because he thought he had 'bought' me. At least for the duration of the trip. When my return ticket is in their possession I have had ah. . 'conditions' placed upon me getting to use it.

I would have the return trip ticket firmly in my possession at all times during the trip, not because of trust/distrust, but simply for personal security.

Merle


I'd be paranoid........then again, I'm always paranoid.

But what I want to know is why are you going with this girl? You've never met her, I've heard of throwing caution to the wind, but this is a bit extreme I think.


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aeroz
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13 Dec 2007, 7:08 pm

its just a vacation, I'm not moving there with her or anything. I was honestly gonna go there anyways and if she bails on me I still will. Though my plans will be reduced since I can only afford a hotel for about two weeks. So I am financially able to fly out there, live there for abit, and fly back on my own.



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13 Dec 2007, 7:21 pm

aeroz wrote:
its just a vacation, I'm not moving there with her or anything. I was honestly gonna go there anyways and if she bails on me I still will. Though my plans will be reduced since I can only afford a hotel for about two weeks. So I am financially able to fly out there, live there for abit, and fly back on my own.


Then there doesn't seem to be anything to worry about.



aeroz
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13 Dec 2007, 7:23 pm

well I'm used to things going wrong so I plan for every contingency. My worry isn't that I will be screwed, its that my trust will be betrayed and i will end up looking like an idiot for trusting her in the first place



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13 Dec 2007, 7:58 pm

As an extemely paranoid person, I would say that you are being more skeptical than paranoid. I think that is fairly excusable given the circumstances. Knowing someone through the internet does not necessarily guarantee everything will be fine, but if you have kept a friendship up for a long time, be happy that you get to meet.

I wouls be freaked by so much more, but that is just me. Do not let my negative vibes get in the way.

Either way, you get to go there, enjoy yourself, emmerse yourself in the anime, and protect yourself from Godzilla. I know he is still out there, somewhere.

If good things are meant to happen, they will. If not, c'est la vie.


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14 Dec 2007, 5:28 am

I would suggest bringing a nice gift for the lady and making sure you have enough money to buy groceries and stuff over there.


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JohnHopkins
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14 Dec 2007, 8:26 am

alex wrote:
no reason to be paranoid when she's the one paying for th ticket.


Er, no, quite the opposite. If they pay for the ticket then you don't have control over when you get home, and this ain't good...



sinsboldly
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14 Dec 2007, 12:17 pm

JohnHopkins wrote:
alex wrote:
no reason to be paranoid when she's the one paying for th ticket.


Er, no, quite the opposite. If they pay for the ticket then you don't have control over when you get home, and this ain't good...


See, this was what I was talking about! It is crucial that one has control over your own ticket just for that very reason. I mean, even if NOTHING comes of it, having control over your own ticket creates you being autonomous in your own situation. NOT having control over it always puts you at THEIR convenience, even if everything is benign.

When I went on dates with people known from school or church, my mother tucked a twenty into my purse called "mad money."(yeah, I had to give it back if I didn't use it!) It was for carfare (taxi or bus) fare home. You never know when things might go wrong, and having your own ticket just nips that issue right in the bud!

I sincerely hope my decades of experience might help just one person out there when it comes to this situation! Always have 'plan B'.

And it is not called 'being paranoid' it is called 'planning ahead'.

Merle



aeroz
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14 Dec 2007, 1:32 pm

well as I said, i do have enough money for my own ticket if need be

Pandora wrote:
I would suggest bringing a nice gift for the lady and making sure you have enough money to buy groceries and stuff over there.
I want to, but she wont let me. I'm trying to get her to atleast let me pay for the onsen



sinsboldly
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14 Dec 2007, 2:51 pm

aeroz wrote:
well as I said, i do have enough money for my own ticket if need be
Pandora wrote:
I would suggest bringing a nice gift for the lady and making sure you have enough money to buy groceries and stuff over there.
I want to, but she wont let me. I'm trying to get her to atleast let me pay for the onsen


Being a 'good guest' is bringing a gift of some kind, it often defrays lots of costs for them being a 'good host'. Something as simple as a pound of coffee can be just perfect if coffee is incredibly dear in their country ( not saying they LIKE coffee, just sayin' something as simple as it) Hostess gifts are good, too, something for snacks or taking them out for breakfast or such is always welcome and very easy to suggest and slip into the itinerary.

Merle



aeroz
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20 Dec 2007, 8:16 am

small update, turns out she now strickly prefers girls and has no interest in guys. says the trip is still on, but thats abit of a downer



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