Stupid question

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I am bored, so I will throw this out there.

Premise. Supposing that I were to become casual friends with a woman, on a generally platonic, smokin' and jokin', "she's just one of the bros" kind of level, does this... 1. permanently stovepipe us into the "just friends" classification; or 2. eventually (whether automatically or through deliberate act and intent) necessarily evolve into more of a relationship; or 3. neither?

Incidentally this question does happen to be entirely speculative in nature; as such there aren't any contextual details of note. If such circumstantial information would happen to affect the posture of the hypothetical situation, please discuss by all means.

Last edited by Avenger on 25 Dec 2007, 5:55 am, edited 1 time in total.

It could become a relationship... It depends on if there is any attraction between the two people other than just as platonic buddies.
If a girl is treated well, then she will like the guy, but whether she likes him as a friend or as something more depends on the specifics.

Once she lets you to become a platonic casual friend of hers then that means that she already decided to put you in the 'friends zone' and never in the 'potential lover zone'. Really sorry.

Nothin' ta be sorry about, this question quite actually is hypothetical.

If there are specifics that would make a difference, what would they be? I'm hesitant to throw out examples because they may bias the discussion one way or the other.

Also, I do not want to suggest any one of the outcomes as necessarily any particularly more desired than the others.

Last edited by Avenger on 24 Dec 2007, 2:08 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I don't think it's that black and white. As a girl myself, I know that I have developed huge crushes on guys that I have previously only thought of as friends. Also, I think many of my guys friends are attractive, either physically and personality-wise and, even though we are only friends now, I would totally go out with some of them without a second thought besides "Oh my gosh! I'm so excited!" if they asked me out on a date.

The specifics all depend on the person. People have different criteria for what makes a guy a potential boyfriend. It truely varies immensely from girl-to-girl and from guy-to-guy.
At the risk of sounding superficial, physical attractiveness does play a role in whether or not I personally see a guy as boyfriend material. Keep in mind that everyone has a different idea of attractive, and that even if you are not classically attractive, chances are at least one girl out there will find at least one feature of yours incredibly magnetic, be it your eyes, build, hair, smile or whatever else. I even know a girl who finds guys with uni-brows attractive, and I have a lot of friends who find overweight guys with glasses cute.

Other stuff is obviously important too, but after I typed up a whole long post about everything else, the page wouldn't refresh and the only thing I had on copy was my rant about physical attractiveness. I swear I'm not this superficial... I'm just lazy and I don't feel like typing it all up again right now. I basically said that it depends on the individuals' common interests and level of devotion to each other's needs.

Evidently, the answer would be different for different girls. For me, being friends with a guy indicates nothing about what the future holds--in a few years we could be friends, lovers, or enemies for all I know. This contradicts the popular belief that women never consider friends to be potential partners. And since this belief is popular, I imagine it applies to some women.

If this question applied to a specific girl, I suppose you might find out where she stands on the issue by asking her. I guess that asking directly might come across the wrong way, but there are indirect ways to find out, such as asking about previous relationships (were they friends first?) or what guys she finds attractive (how well does she know them?). Another approach would be to state the popular belief referenced above and ask if she thinks it's true.

Avenger, why don't you create a poll?

Ok, just for fun

I need to be careful here because if I give too many details I will break a promise.

I have a female friend and we agreed long ago that our contact would always remain at the 'just friends' level. The reasons for this are many and complex but they boil down to a difference between our attitudes when it comes to sexual preferrences. Over the years I have provided emotional, financial and physical support and a couple of times she has supported me in return.

I'm probably her best friend, but that's all.

Ed Almos

I've just been thinking... if I became friends with someone, rather than being their lover, it could be for a load of circumstantial reasons that say nothing about that person or my feelings for them. It could be that I'm in a relationship, dating, having an affair with, or am just plain obsessed with someone else. Or it could be that I'm not particularly looking for a boyfriend at that time in my life - working too hard, too stressed out at that time. So I would never have even thought about the suitability of this new person I just met. Or maybe I DID like them, but was simply too shy to say anything - maybe something they said or did gave me the impression I'd never be their type.

Circumstances could change, chemistry could develop. Its a small chance, but only because the chances of me being attracted to any given person are small.

I don't see how friends couldn't become more, given different scenarios. It's all very complex of course, but I don't see why a woman couldn't develop feelings for a guy after some time as friends. Especially if they start sharing close moments, anything can happen. Really that's the only way, for a great relationship... to understand each other on such a fundamental level takes time... starting out as friends is a great path towards this.

Starting a relationship any other way, would mean you are starting it off on something else besides communication and understanding.

Much also depends on how lonely the two people are, especially if they both desire a serious relationship... and they both like each other as friends... why not try something more serious?

I think the whole idea of not letting friends become lovers stems from the fact that if a friendship that later turns into a relationship goes wrong, you have not only lost the relationship, but your friend as well, whereas if you get into a relationship with someone you don't know beforehand, nothing is lost if that relationship ends.

Not saying I agree with that idea, since I'm more comfortable and more "natural" around people I already know (meaning I stand my best chances at a relationship with a friend), but I think that's why the general public usually goes by those "zoning" rules...

IMHO:
It depends.
I think there -has- to have been a spark in the beginning for anything to evolve out of it (deliberate or unintentional).
It may just be that the spark hasn't had time to evolve because certain actions or happenings already defined the relationship, it may be that there wasn't any spark or it may also be that the spark is busy evolving and waiting for something to make it burst!

What you think probably depends on your current mood or state..

It's impossible to answer this question definitively. If two people start out purely platonic, you never know what will happen in the future to change that. Any number of things can occur to change the circumstances (e.g., you're both thrown together in a crisis, as you get to know each other better you realize you're compatible, one or both of you changes something about your appearance, one of you starts to date someone else and it makes you realize you'd prefer to be with each other, etc.).

For the most part, once you end up in the "Just Friends" category, you're stuck. I've found instances of guys getting out of this, but its tough.

In the best relationships I've been in, I've gone out with a girl shortly after meeting her, that way we don't end up in the "Just friends" Zone.