Forgive me, but I want to ask you out.

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Ladygirl
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13 Jan 2008, 9:33 pm

I think the problems aspie guys face when trying to meet girls, NT or otherwise, are pretty well recognised in the various forums. Issues with societial expecations about how dating [i]should[i] be done, etc. I sympathise, entirely. It sucks being expected to do something that is relatively uncomfortable and further complicated by one's mind.

And so comes my complaint. I fall in love, mercilessly, with so many people, but from afar. It's nauseating to try to find the courage to say hello to a stranger, especially one that I have a crush on. It's probably vain and shallow to become so interested in a person from merely sight but I've never denied the pleasure I find in "good" aesthetic.
I am a girl. I am "supposed" to be pursued and surely must be desperate if I was to pursue. It's disheartening to think that if, by some chance, I was able to "make the first move" I'd have not only social ineptitudes against me, but also some social connotation that I'm desperate.

Aspie female to aspie male (or NT, or whatever): Do you find yourself more understanding of a female that wants to break the (dating) rules because they're difficult for you to follow as well? Would you rather me not break the rules to attain some normalicy in an otherwise un-normal life?



Tim_Tex
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13 Jan 2008, 9:44 pm

I can go either way. I haven't dated in 2 years, but lately, I have tried making the first move.


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duncansbass
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13 Jan 2008, 9:51 pm

Me personally, I would prefer you made the first move. Most guys, I am not sure, but any who were not comfortable with it are probably not worth your time.

Go ahead, Ladygirl, break the rules!


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benjimanbreeg
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13 Jan 2008, 9:52 pm

I can't face rejection :(



AnonymousAnonymous
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13 Jan 2008, 10:00 pm

Personally, it is a preference if the other person makes the first move.

Most people are not comfortable with someone not worth it.


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NeantHumain
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13 Jan 2008, 10:05 pm

In a dream world, the women would approach me.



TheMidnightJudge
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13 Jan 2008, 10:15 pm

Break the rules!
Personally, I greatly respect any girl who will ask a guy out. If a girl were to make the first move towards me, I'd be thrilled.



SirJoseph
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13 Jan 2008, 10:19 pm

its a lot easier on an aspie if the girl asks him out or is assertive enough verbally to give him the confidence to ask her out. even neurotypical guys like it when a girl does the asking. i wish more girls were more forward, but they have to play the hard to get role.


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Mw99
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13 Jan 2008, 11:03 pm

Forgive me? Forgive me for what? That's a turn off; rephrase your proposition.



twoshots
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13 Jan 2008, 11:29 pm

Ladygirl wrote:
Aspie female to aspie male (or NT, or whatever): Do you find yourself more understanding of a female that wants to break the (dating) rules because they're difficult for you to follow as well? Would you rather me not break the rules to attain some normalicy in an otherwise un-normal life?


Well to be AS is to be socially clueless...you have no idea how many times I need to remind myself of what my gender roles even are lol...


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merr
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14 Jan 2008, 12:13 am

I would hope that any man wouldn't feel weirded out by a woman approaching them and asking them out or at least hinting at it. :/

I go to a conservative school, and the ratio of women to men is so vastly different. It's something like 10-13 women to 1 man. And to add insult to injury, most people come to this school to find someone to marry or for long term dating (even courtship 8O )So naturally, even if the students here are traditional so to speak, the girl has to show some interest to "beat out the competition."

So if these crazy kids at my school dont mind, I would hope the outside world would be even more open to it. I dont understand why they would not. I mean seriously: does not compute.



Veresae
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14 Jan 2008, 1:28 am

I always prefer girls who break the rules. Gender roles suck; not a day goes by when I don't wish that guys were always expected to make moves. Being an insecure, cynical, but hopelessly romantic soul, I have a tendency to always wish that girls I liked would approach me, instead of me fearfully approaching them, hoping for the best and expecting the worst.



MaterialDefender
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14 Jan 2008, 1:48 am

I would have no problems with a girl making the first move. I have never had a girlfriend, and part of the reason is I have a really hard time approaching people (let alone girls that I am attracted to) so a girl approaching me would be great. I could see my self being suspicious of a girl making the first move though. I get nervous when people take an interest in me because I become suspect that they are trying to make me feel good so they can use me.



Yoshie777
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14 Jan 2008, 2:01 am

I don't think there's any dating rules. If a girl wants to ask a guy out, they should. It can go either way. It wouldn't hurt to go eat out at a restaurant or see a movie. That allows one to get to know the other. Dating wouldn't hurt at all. It's just a slow process. Besides, it doesn't have to be for a relationship, but for a friendship as well. What's wrong with that?


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Javid
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14 Jan 2008, 6:43 am

NeantHumain wrote:
In a dream world, the women would approach me.


This exactly.

For me, it's not just that. I pretty much can't initiate a conversation with a stranger. If someone initiates with me I do fine. I've actually dug up the myspace for a girl I went to a class with just to attempt to initiate contact there. @.@



TrueDave
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14 Jan 2008, 7:00 am

I don't know some of the women who have approached me . . . well it turned out strangely in the end.

Since men are supposedly so much more visual I think women might suffer from that.

But hey we should all just forget remember we're people and stop thinking about it so much.


You know what Steven Hawking said when someone asked him what he spent most of his time considering?

"Women"

Forget all the advice lets just go say hello to one another as humans.