There is this Aspie guy...

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I'm an Aspie. I have never dated an Aspie. I have been considering dating this Aspie guy that I talk to now and then, and I've discovered that this is a whole new ballgame. I don't have to do whatever I used to do when dating NT guys. which leaves me feeling somewhat at a loss. It's like I've been hardwired to interact with NTs and and all the built in misunderstandings and compensations. I am not really sure how I should approach this. I found that when I took the initiative with Nts, they either got offended, or treated me like a slut. Sound crazy? Any advice? I'd especially love to hear from Aspie males.

Last edited by hartzofspace on 06 Jan 2008, 8:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yeah, there's the risk of things, but where as people use all these signals and stuff I don't get, I kinda just ask, and well since your both aspie, I suppose discussing it would be a choice but beware I suppose, loves a hard thing, I had trouble with it, still do actually, like I wanted to talk to this girl well, she's odd some how as she's part of a religion, and she's been in it for a long time, but she's not married, which is odd, but when i tried to be friends, she sorta got all defensive and backed off, and now when I see her, it's like we don't even talk, it's hard...

Thanks, Cadzie. I'm not in love, though. It's actually better this way, to approach as friends, and then see what happens. But I am not sure how to proceed.

oh, well I was trying to be her friend, but I'm well a little over anxicous I suppose it put her off, but I wish you all the best, in your endevour, pursuit, discovery? thanks for your nice reply

Well it's not exactly like I'm experienced in these matters But I guess I count as an "aspie male" so I'll chime in.

My guess is that even if he's already interested in you as well, he's probably not going to pick up on subtle hints and/or flirting like a NT might. Depending on how well you know him already the direct route of just asking him out (dinner, movie, group event?) might work. Otherwise if you don't know him that well yet just asking to hang out or such as friends would probably work best.

I assume since you know he has aspergers you two have talked a lot? (since it's kinda a personal thing?) Possibly you could invite him to lunch or dinner to talk about aspergers (or some other common interests?)

Hmm, there are actualy a lot of (suspected) aspies I know of where I live.
It also seems that the girls I like are aspie.

Problem is, I like loyalty in people. And offcoarse they are always loyal to their boyfriend they have for years and years, thus giving no room for me to manouvre

Thanks for the response. Yes, I met him at an event, and one night we had a chance to really chat. I enjoyed talking to him so much, that I wondered if I ought to see if there was a chance for a relationship. I think I'll stick to these small group things for now, because I'd feel too much pressure if it was a one on one date thing.

if i dated an aspie.. we'd probably wander off into the street on our first date and get hit by a truck.

it's amazing how much help i need just to walk in a reasonably straight line.

im just jk btw.............

Haha well I would be the same way (walking in a straight line, that is), it takes me ridiculously long to get from point A to point B even when I know the area by heart and walk/bike as fast as I can...

If you like talking with him so much you could find out if he has an IM like AIM or google talk or such. It's very easy to initiate a conversation that way and it's a good way to get closer to someone if you want, without being too nudgy or direct. Or else if he has a cell phone, but that's a bit less convenient

Certainly I AIM with a lot of my friends and it's great because everything is so aspie-black-and-white. People set their available/away/busy tags, so you always know when's a good time, you can always message without any particular reason, etc.

If a girl that I liked were to AIM me, I think I would be so thrilled

First off, the starting off as "friends" never works. In effect, it's what every NT girl does to classify the man in question as her b****, who gets stuck with all of the residue after she's gone out looking for a "real" man.

It is a waste to pursue someone half-hearted. You either like the person enough to date and start a long-term relationship, or not. Classifying them as "friends" first is a coward's way out, and is only a deliberate act of deception.

The only ones who actually believe a girl is a slut for taking the initiative to show interest in a guy are other girls, for being too cowardly and useless to do what is necessary. It's more of that gender's mind games, the same as dancing around between wanting equality and being treated special.

If you really want to get this guy's attention, don't follow the NT girls' rules, and do what you're going to do. Guys, NTs and Aspies, like girls who don't pussy-foot around. it makes our job of playing the dating guessing game so much easier. With girls who try to play these stupid headgames, it's like trying to take care of a baby. "Why is it crying? Is it tired, hungry, does it think it looks fat? What is it?"

All the more reason it might work. I have never started out as "Friends First." I have always moved way too fast, and my honesty and directness were taken wrong. This way feels more mature, in my personal experience.



Not necessarily. Deception is not my intention. It is like taking a leisurely stroll through an interesting exhibit, instead of rushing through. I don't feel myself to be a coward for taking my time and being careful.



Like I said, the ones who treated my like a slut were not other girls, but the men I asked out on a date. They expected way more than I was prepared to give, much sooner than I was prepared to give it. And I have never been proficient at "mind games."



I have already got his attention, just by talking and being myself. And I am sorry if you have been the victim of "head games." I have been accused of playing head games, when what was going on, were feelings of ambivalence about a situation, and a feeling of uncertainty as to where I stood with said individual.

What a coincidence, I've been talking to a girl lately, while she never said as much, I suspect she might be Aspie. I don't suppose you watch "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?"

EDIT: Ah, nevermind. Just wishful thinking. I see that you are actually in Florida.

Since both the OP and the guy are aspies, I don't see any of that being so much of a problem.

If she knows the guy well enough that asking him out wouldn't be too odd, then she should ask him out, and if she doesn't, then get to know him a bit so it's not just out of the blue. Easy-peasy No head games.

Do you think it's such a good idea to date someone whos main shared intrest is you both have a developmental social disorder?