how did monogamy become the accepted relationship in society

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what's wrong with men having relationship with more than 1 women or women having relationship with more than 1 men?

The men want to have relationships with multiple partners but can not stand the same in actuality.

why? are you considering polygamy?

Here is how I see it:

There is nothing wrong with dating more than one person at a time.

However. Personally, I would never do it, and I would never continue to date somebody that was dating more than one person*. Why is it unacceptable to me? I think it's sort of selfish. It works ONLY for the benefit of whomever is dating the most people. The person dating more than one person will theoretically pick (in the end**) whomever best suits them. But what if one of the people you were dating wanted _you_? Now that they had their hearts set on you you turn around and say "It's been nice screwing you for a bit, but this other girl has a larger rack."

Erm.? I'm sorry I just don't see how it can work out for the benefit of all parties concerned.

*Unless I was desperate and the other person was also of the opposite sex (i.e. my girlfriend dating a girl. And no, this isn't a lesbian fantasy***)
**Assuming life-partnership is the goal.
***It would feel more threatening for her to be comparing me to other men. But I wouldn't feel threatened (not due to a sense of superiority) if I were being compared to a female, simply because that's just a whole different. Sex. I couldn't be expected to be female

Something that is often overlooked about monogamy is that this norm allows more men to have romantic relationships. Men probably got sick of being slaves and eunuchs, eh? It also allows wives to have more attention and intimacy if those commodities are not shared.

I feel the same way. If my partner were having fantasies about guys or oogling them or something, I wouldn't feel jealous or threatened in the least. But fostering any sort of intimate thoughts/feelings/plans regarding another woman? My worst nightmare.

But Duce, what if she left you for a woman?

Or gwenevyn, if he left you for a man?

I actually wrote out that part but I erased it because I thought I was being too wordy.

If I were in that situation (and I'm not, in case anybody wondered ), I'd definitely require reassurance that there wasn't some closet homosexuality going on and I wasn't going to be dumped for a man.

I recall reading that our physiology is indicative of a species where the male services a number of females. However, since we started forming large communities and owning land, rather than being hunter gatherers, it's been more advantageous to know who exactly fathered who as far as inheritance goes. That, of course, doesn't preclude a society where a man keeps a harem for his exclusive use. Indeed, another interesting adaptation is in that the ancient Brits (according to the Romans) would share a wife amongst the males in the family.

Of course, that doesn't really fully answer the question, but it does raise a few related points someone else can comment on.

What happened to all the extra girls?

Women have a fairly restricted age range when they are at their most attractive. So, I reckon the older ones didn't get much action, as it were. I suppose you could say the same of those with a bun-in-the-oven, as well. Perhaps, too, the older ones had more standing in the community and were seen less as objects of male gratification. Anyway, I'm just speculating, I can't recall the exact details of everything I read, though if someone does know those details, it would be interesting to find out more.

Simple. People get jealous.

Polygynous cultures tend to be more prone to violence as as a means of fault resolution. One of the more popular hypothesis presented to explain the rampant extremism in many Muslim cultures is that those cultures tend to by polygynous which leaves many young men gender isolated and feeling that they have no chance of ever attaining a relationship/female companion. The 72 virgins myth couples with this dynamic to provide a fertile recruiting ground for terrorists. A similar model has been applied to the polygynous tribes of Africa who have been among the most commonly militarized groups in Africa's civil wars.

It's also bad for genetic diversity which can cause problems in a long term breeding pool. Especially where division of women is related on hereditary wealth.



Breeding range was more commonly a factor. Especially when so many women died while giving birth.

Answer: Cultural History.

America is Monogamous. Why? Puritan influence. This group of radical believers were super-strict, and enforced rigid social rules meant to keep their community "Purified". Monogamy was one of those rules.

300 years later, the same rules apply. Why? American Constitution. Heavily influenced by Puritan ethics. Explains why we're one of the most anal countries in the world.

Not sure where the rest of the world stands, but Monogamy and organized religion go hand in hand. It was a way for the great religious figures of power(The Pope, Dalai Lama, Bishop Of Canterbury, etc...) to keep people in track.

Only ways to change monogamy:

A)Make a petition to edit your local law.
B)Move to an area where polygamy is allowed.

...or C)Never get married, and open a harem.

But since monogamy has been a staple in the Western civilization for years, it may be a difficult concept to erase from the memes and schemas people picture when they think of a relationship. That is, unless you are magical like Joseph Smith. I wouldn't be going out on a limb if I were to say most people wouldnt want to share someone they love with someone else. This statement isn't counting for sexual partners. So it'd be a hard concept to erase from society within the realms of companionate/intimate relationships.

I would not go so far as to blame polygyny or polygamy for violence in some cultures, nor would I venture to point the finger at any given religious penchant. It is one of the many recognized symptoms of slow societal development, but it is by no means the cause of all the mentioned social ills in some "backward" regions of the world.

The question, however, was about relationships, not necessarily marriage.

In that context there is nothing wrong with open, honest, relationships with multiple partners as long as each is consenting. However, that's just a concept. In reality people have feelings and form attachments and expectations of exclusivity which invariably complicate, or simplify rather, that status.

Marriage? Modern society at large has adopted the monogamy concept as standard, though some people are still able to form open relationships within that confine. Polygamy is not legal in most "civilized" countries so it is really a moot point.

As for the question of morality, since this was about right and wrong, take religion, law, opinion, and preconceptions out of the equation and follow the golden rule. Can you handle sharing a woman with another man? If not, you can't expect her to share you with another woman.

I would add that it is very logical and natural to have "feelings" for more than one person, though I would suggest that you share that nice little bit of information rather sparingly with your partner(s), to say the least.

Edit:

Ah, hindsight. So perfectly clear.

There's no easy answer to this. Both monogamy and polygamy have been the norm at different times in our history, depending on what worked best for the survival of a particular group. I don't know if I believe that any human behavior is "natural" since it's so incredibly varied, but I do think that there are definite "norms" that most people gravitate towards.

First off, the modern day polygamy that many people advocate and practice is not "natural" in that it has never been practiced before modern times. I don't like it when people compare the polygamy of ancient cultures with having many sexual partners today. Polygamy has never been a light endeavor. Polygamy in earlier times in human history meant you had five wives all their children, not just five sexual partners. Polygamy was just an extension of the family unit we have today, and is really not possible anymore considering how huge the responsibility of taking care of five spouses and thirty children would be in a modern world. Sex has consequences, such as children, jealousy, and diseases. Having sex without accepting the responsibilities leads to the breakdown of society, since it leads to children and families that are not taken care of and protected.

Monogamy is the norm for a reason. People have a need for individual love, trust, and companionship that is just not possible with multiple partners. I might agree that monogamy when practiced lifelong with one person is not entirely natural. Almost everyone has many successive monogamous relationships because their needs and relationship with the other person changes. Even the many polygamous cultures of the world still had an integral family unit and most people were relatively monogamous. A man who had five wives almost certainly had a favorite whom he loved and had a purely sexual relationship with some or all of the others. And what happened to the other wives? They were not trusted, they were less favored, and they were likely not provided for as well as the "favored" wife.

When thinking about this, you must consider the reasons that people choose to form romantic relationships, and ask which better fulfills those reasons? Monogamy provides sex, companionship, security, a family unit for protection, rearing children and resource sharing, friendship, and trust I don't think that polygamy is as effective at providing any of those things other than sex, while providing a lot of extra risks and consequences.