Asked a Girl Out Today

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First off, she was working at the front desk of the gym. She was smiling and seemed friendly; I can't tell the difference between politeness, a generally friendly nature, and flirting.

Normally, I wouldn't ask someone out so quickly, but she was apparently substituting at a different location than where she usually works, so I went ahead and asked her out. She said no, and of course, she went for the, "I have a boyfriend," line.

I stumbled over my words (not because I was especially nervous; it just happens a lot when I speak out loud), which probably didn't help.

I think this is something women don't understand: Rejection is a normal part of the dating/women experience for men. It doesn't even phase me, I've experienced it so much. Women, on the other hand, are approached, so they have an option to either accept or reject. In other words, for the majority of women, getting a date is easy (not say anything about the quality, though).

It was a brave thing to do. Good practice for when you meet the right girl.

I've asked out tons of girls; I can't even remember how many. It's not really something momentous anymore (except insofar as the opportunities have been much fewer since I graduated from college, becoming around females my age considerably less often).

I respect the fact that you've taken that initiative and have such a healthy attitude about it. Of course, I am female so I can't identify on every level... but when I was single sometimes I couldn't even bring myself to look at a guy I fancied.

Well if it's someone who's working a customer service job, it's much more likely they're just being polite. That's their job: to provide good service with a smile on their face.
The only way to tell if they're hitting on you is if they're going that extra mile. It's hard to tell though, unless you see their reaction to other customers.

Out of interest, have you read the books "a survival guide for people on the autistic spectrum" and "a survival guide for people with asperger syndrome"? Both of these books talk about relationships to a certain extent. Both are available through Google.

I suspect that she might have been spooked by the "boundary" thing. It's quite possible to "successfuly" ask a girl out in a situation like that, but it's kinda necessary to develop a sense of rapport first, by just chatting and showing respect for her boundaries. It's really important just to be able to enjoy her company first.

Also, starting out with the expectation that you might get an opportunity to know her better is almost certainly a better idea than starting out with the expectation of a date. I'm saying that you have to "savour the moment" with her I guess. "Connecting" is a very important part of getting the most out of a relationship, particularly for women.

Well congratulations! You did the right thing. Even though it didn't work out it's good practice for the future. Certainly it's better than I could probably do

My guess is that with me, there's been a few girls who have been interested in me and probably would have said yes if I had asked them. Unfortunately I'm not exactly good with social things (aren't we all here?) and probably wouldn't be able to pick up on the flirting or hints. So -> no girlfriend

Perhaps if the same is true for you, then it's just a matter of figuring out which girls to ask, eventually you'll get one who likes you back

Just want to say, how do you know she hasn't got a boyfriend? I don't think she's necessarily feeding you a line.

When I used to do a customer service type job, I was smiling and friendly with everyone, I think the difference with the customers I really *liked* and would've been happy to see outside of work was that I would have conversations with them about non-worky stuff.

This is true. I unfortunately work in customer service and have been asked out several times at work by customers. It's my job to smile at people, it doesn't mean anything. I'm glad to hear that rejection doesn't phase you NeantHumain. Whenever I reject anyone I feel bad about it, but I probably shouldn't.

Hey, well, don't feel bad about it. You did it and that's brave enough in itself. I imagine as you do it more often, it gets easier. And it's likely that she really did have a boyfriend. Or, as someone else said, it was just too soon.

I want to make a counterpoint to you saying that women get asked out all the time though - we really don't. Other girls here have echoed me on this. I have never been genuinely "asked out"....hit on yes, but never outright asked out even once. Even really good looking girls often don't get asked out because it's assumed that they either have a boyfriend or they would say no, so men don't even bother. Take chances, you never know!

Then again, I may be wrong and simply not be getting asked out because I am rather unapproachable and unattractive. I'm trying to work on both of those, but I have such a hard time caring. Being friendly and good looking is a lot of work.

I don't get asked out very often either!! I like to think it isn't because of my looks, hahaha. I think the whole thing is so stressful for everyone that not much of it really goes on.

Congratulations on having the courage. All my relationships have been initiated by the other person, so I wish I had the guts to ask someone out.

Congrats on the effort there but I would recommend trying less to flirt with women/girls in a professional setting & work more on concentrating your efforts in social/non working envioronments.

Believe me,I've been trying my hand at social interaction/dating with many of the girls who work down at my local Starbucks(even going so far as to give a couple of them my phone number) but havn't had any success so far,once last week I actually got reprimanded by one of the girls there because of my flirtatious nature lately.

I recently joined a social group for those with MI's in my area(since I'm being treated for depression) the other day & hopefully through that I can meet some of the ladies in a more social setting where flirtation & asking for a date may be considered more appropriate.

Good luck when it meeting the right person.
I dont think it is any easier for a woman to get dates. For example there is the whole stereotype that men should ask the girl out apart from a leap year.
and then of course the men get to scared to ask the girls out
rubbish if you ask me but there we go
xx

She was going a bit out of her way, but that may have only been because she's one of those hyper-sociable, people-pleaser types.

this is one step in the good direction^^. (and one step more then I ever made :P )