AS daisy-chain - no money, no honey

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The shackle of AS is one very strong chain binding social impairment to less options, to lower income, to decreased selection of mates. I felt awakened when I discovered AS, but now I look back in regret. I've wasted so much of my life not knowing how impaired I was. It explains everything up til now which I thought must have been depression induced ADD or ADD induced depression. My accomplishments helped me gain acceptance and popularity in High School and half-way through College,. Still had issues of being disorganized and sometimes aloof and always on the peripheral of social situations. Soon after college, when I was supposed to be an adult, the doors started slamming shut.

I wasn't always unhappy, but I came to be more and more unhappy, and disillusioned. I was getting on into my twenties and going nowhere in love nor career. I found frustration when I never could seem to communicate to others. Always sitting alone at lunch break at work, save the times I was with close friends. AS, like a large constrictor reptile, slowly squeezes the life away from you. The end of it all is only one waking dream away.

When you're in your early twenties, money doesn't matter as much. When you get into your thirties like me, the perception of others is measured by your societal prestige. If you don't make at least 50k, don't have the right circle of neighborhood associations, or church membership, you are most likely to be refused in courtship with women in your own age group.

Women 28-38 seem to be more preoccupied by social status, than any other age group out of women. Nesting? Trying to find the most secure mate? So how do I work around that? I don't and I haven't. Aside from my exwife, now 31, the oldest I've ever dated, or been with is maybe 24. I tried to date a 28 year old, but she had too many questions about jobs, and such, so I failed to suitability test.

I would like to talk more, but I will offer this summary:
almost late thirties - former educator now bartending/serving and serving as a go-to assistant manager for a late night restaurant. I'm also an online teacher for a virtual school. Both Education and the service industry have challenged and built up my social skills. I am currently successful at what I do, but sometimes my reserves run dry. I often notice I never talk to work associates for longer than 2-3 minutes, excepting my 2 superiors. I get along with everyone and get a lot of laughs. I am sometimes the curmedgeon skeptic and comedian. However, I can't move beyond "roleplaying" into real friendships. Part of this is that most of my new work friends are mainstream. I'm more artsy, pseudo intellectual, introspective, whimsical and sometimes, crazy Irish. Everyone else, as you'd expect in a restaurant, is a Type A and straight forward with little creative interest.

Lower income bracket and underemployment, as compared to peer group, lowers my chances of finding a serious mate. If you don't think income matters to women, look at Yahoo personals - all the women over 25 or so show preferences for men making over 50k. Most men don't seem to care what a woman makes
I don't, but I do prefer someone well read and educated/self-educated.

so glad to know it is all the woman's fault that guys can't get laid.
Damn women, always looking out for their own best interests!
Merle

I don't really understand. You believe that women refuse to date you because they don't think you make enough money? How do you know it's not for another reason?

This being a statement of what your life is like, its pretty hard to know how to respond to it. Do you want people to agree with you, or argue with you, or give suggestions as to how you might overcome your problems?

Don't blame AS. This is called being a loser.
And plenty of teachers have "mates". You're just making excuses.

I think women have it worse personally. Sure, the stereotype is that women want guys with money but the stereotype for guys is that they want young attractive women.

So a guy can work really hard or get lucky enough to make the money he needs to get a girl but what can an unattractive female who's only getting older do?

Date guys who don't have a lot of money. In the end, everybody will have a romantic partner and be happy, even though one or both people may have had to settle.

do without, of course.

Why not? the more I read about the misogyny on this site, the more I love my cat.

Merle

Exactly my point and even better that I get blunt criticism here as well.

And how are you doing in romance? Is everything coming up roses for you and your AS?

Women find men that are mentally strong and confident attractive. Its all part of the attitude is what my friend says to me "your handsome but your not confident".

I have a decent job, and I'm still not meeting anyone. It's not money.

Amen to that.

Tim

If making 50K a year was a requirement to find love there wouldnt be any impoverished familes out there.

It's not like I am completely dateless. I can get a date anytime, but women in certain age groups are not interested in me for a serious relationship, for all the reasons I gave. I'm not a moron, and I'm actually good at reading faces and tone of voice. Whenever career comes up in conversation, the older women take on a counselor/motherly tone or worse, they visibly wince. It's obvious my lack of career direction, monetary security, and resources (still renting), make me awfully unattractive to the woman who is looking to settle down and have children.

I mentioned I was good at reading faces and sometimes thoughts. I can listen well, but I am just not a great regular conversationalist. I have problems relaying my own thoughts to vocalizations.

So I find myself in a romantic catch 22 - I don't provide enough security to women in the settle down age. I can still date younger women, but then nothing serious there.

That phenomenon is attributed to relative cultural prestige. In less educated areas, and min-cultures, wealth appears in the form of toys (cars, electronics) or bling of various sorts. You also tend to find a regression in humanity back to despotism and a removal from modern civilization. In despotism, the loudest and most aggressive wins and gets the spoils, then everyone else couples with what's left.

Here's my problem: I don't live in a project or trailer park where I might be one of the "upwardly mobile". And since I've experienced a different second half of life and education, I am removed from rough neck culture. But I don't have the means to buy into the Joneses culture.

I'm just looking for someone to relate to my situation. I'm reaching out. If I find no one "gets" my situation, then I must be in the wrong group.

If I had realized I had AS much earlier, I might have averted some of the troubles and wasted time I've experienced.
My original intent with the post was to express how I felt undiagnosed AS led me to waste a lot of time in life. Social interaction impaired everything down the line -career-dating choices-posessions-community associations.