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bear7699
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19 Feb 2008, 5:55 am

There is this girl that I have known since i was 10 I'm 19 now. I think she is giving me clues that she likes me on myspace. She broke up with her boyfriend and she emailed me saying there is someone she's cared about for a long time. So it got me thinking. I've known her for a long time. Maybe she is talking about me! Then she says she wants to be with someone who is caring. So I reply "have you found someone who is?" And she says "I like someone but he lives too far away." Then she goes and changes her profile status to "romantic" and it says *her* "is cared about".

It is probably just a coincidence and my pathetic self is reading way too much into it. She's probably talking about someone else.

But I really like this girl so I have to ask her out. The problem is I don't know how to say it. And when I am around her I don't talk very much, (or around anybody for that matter).

Tips? Should I email her? What should I say?



TrueDave
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19 Feb 2008, 6:03 am

Nope dont do it. You might ruin a good friendship.

Youve thought about it too much. Girls are fickle. If you didnt clearly pick up she wanted you don't do it. You might end up getting used as a rebound .

Unfortunately friends first is a rarity. But pick a new girl to be friends with and ask out.



lovebat
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19 Feb 2008, 9:36 am

Yeah, I would agree that she is being way too cryptic about it if she is actually referring to you. Not that I'm saying she isn't interested in you, just that I don't think this is enough to jump on. It's things like this that make me hate NT girls. They can't just say how they feel about things, they've gotta be so sneaky about everything. Then you read more into it than you're supposed to and it leaves you looking like a douchebag for ruining your friendship :oops:.



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19 Feb 2008, 12:24 pm

Do ask her if she is talking about you, though... it will force her hand in eliminating the crypticness and you will give off a "take charge" vibe (which according to the "gurus" around here, women seem to be attracted to). If she says no to that (or tries to stay cryptic about it), then you know that she probably isn't attracted to you, but you may still be able to keep the friendship. If she says yes, on the other hand, then you may have a possible relationship on your hands...

And yes, I hate it when women string me along like that too, but it's probably not their fault (society has taught men to be assertive and women to be passive, so women are more reluctant to be assertive... their only option becomes showing signs of attraction until either the attraction dies or the man makes a move...



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19 Feb 2008, 12:30 pm

Danger! She is on the rebound.
Ask her out as a friend. Do something fun so neither of you is alone. Don't try to be romantic. Just spend time together as friends helping her heal.
After she is over her breakup, you can think of romance, but not for months to come. (At least 4 months?)



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19 Feb 2008, 2:00 pm

rebound also depends on the person in question...

Some bounce back almost instantly, others take days, weeks, or, yes, they can take months. In extreme cases it can be even longer (It took me 3 years and a prozac prescription just to get over a rejection and move on with my life)



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19 Feb 2008, 5:00 pm

I think you just have to go for it. Ask her out for coffee or something, and if she acts like she is into you, just ask her. Don't overthink it, there is no perfect way to ask her out. Even if she does say yes, then you have the much bigger challenge of actually dating her, so don't make too big of a deal out of just asking her out.



bear7699
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19 Feb 2008, 5:50 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
Do ask her if she is talking about you, though... it will force her hand in eliminating the crypticness and you will give off a "take charge" vibe (which according to the "gurus" around here, women seem to be attracted to). If she says no to that (or tries to stay cryptic about it), then you know that she probably isn't attracted to you, but you may still be able to keep the friendship. If she says yes, on the other hand, then you may have a possible relationship on your hands...

And yes, I hate it when women string me along like that too, but it's probably not their fault (society has taught men to be assertive and women to be passive, so women are more reluctant to be assertive... their only option becomes showing signs of attraction until either the attraction dies or the man makes a move...


i can't ask her because if she says no it's not you stupid i'll feel really dumb



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19 Feb 2008, 6:18 pm

bear7699 wrote:
i can't ask her because if she says no it's not you stupid i'll feel really dumb
Will you feel dumber than you feel now? Ask her out as "just friends". Whats the worst that will happen?



ToadOfSteel
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19 Feb 2008, 8:10 pm

bear7699 wrote:
i can't ask her because if she says no it's not you stupid i'll feel really dumb


If she really is your friend, I doubt she would call you stupid...



gwenevyn
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19 Feb 2008, 8:17 pm

Practical consideration: how could you "ask her out" when you're too far away to take her anywhere?


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AnonymousAnonymous
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20 Feb 2008, 7:50 pm

Have you read "The Autistic's Guide to Dating?"


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20 Feb 2008, 7:52 pm

Quote:
how do i ask a girl out?


Very carefully. Their sly ones, those women.


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SirJoseph
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20 Feb 2008, 9:18 pm

dont do it! shes on the rebound! she will turn around and dump you like a hot coal, and that would ruin your friendship. women are fickle, every five minutes they want something different. go ahead and call me a sexist or whatever but its true. even girls admit that. and if you want to go out on a date with a girl, never ask. that shows you want approval and that makes you less attractive. just tell the girl you're doing something somewhere(make sure it sounds fun) and say hey you can come along if you want, and then say something playful like how if she is boring you wont talk to her anymore or something like that. girls like being teased. they are attracted to guys that playfully bust their chops. dont read too much into what they say. confidence is all you need.


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20 Feb 2008, 9:27 pm

Yeah, stay away from the rebounders. While you may really like her, she's probably just looking for some temporary comfort before moving on.


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WildMan
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20 Feb 2008, 11:05 pm

AnonymousAnonymous wrote:
Have you read "The Autistic's Guide to Dating?"


Where can I get my hands on that?