A question of love . . .?

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Hi all!
I'm NT with an AS boyfriend. At least, I think he is. AS is something that I came across early on in our 1 year relationship when I was trying to figure out his peculiar tendencies. He's weird about lighting, touch, sound. He has his own special language and tone of voice, he has no understanding of socially acceptable behaviour and I love him to pieces!
Its been real tough but we've been making it work and am completely happy, except for one thing.He's never said "I love you".
Now, I know it's silly but it's starting to gnaw at me a bit. I tell him that I love him and that that in no way obligates him to feel the same way about me, but after nearly a year, shouldn't he?
When I ask him about it he says "don't you think I love you? Don't I act like I love you?" and he truly does. But he just never says it. He buys me strange, wonderful random gifts and cooks dinner, and makes me completely happy but I just can't help but wonder. . .
So my question is this: is declaring love difficult for someone with AS or is this just a stereotypical case of a male having difficulties expressing his feelings and emotions?
I just need to know if other people with AS experience this also. Its not so much that he can't say it, its more like he just doesn't seem to see the point.

For an Aspie, saying the words can be hard. But, as The Face wrote, look at what he's shown you. If you need him to 'say it,' I have an idea! Write him a message and ask him! Hint: I have invisible ink with a UV diode decoder (NOT kidding) - give him one and this will be easier since it's more private; understand?

Sometimes an Aspie will give strange gifts to say "I **** you" (where the each star, in successive order = L O V E). I know....strange neurology. Sigh. We're collectively sorry - sort of. But the best experts (ie: Dr. Tony Attwood, etc) conclude, with evidence, Aspie &/or high-functioning autistics make the best friends, and lovers. You have one who is loyal to the core, with both unconditional and unconventional **** for you! Be grateful that you will not get NT 'mind games' confusing emotive stories, superficial stories, deceptive forward-thinking, and lies. You have a gem, from what you've said. Albeit, selectively mute to the **** word. I read where one Aspie male gave his fiance a candy heart necklace for a special gift. That's love.

There is a man I love too. I'll tell you a secret: My upcoming Valentine's Day gift to him. He doesn't know yet...sshhh! First, I'm a scientist (chemist) - PhD student in neurosciences. Anyway, I bought chicken hearts (apparently pork hearts are no longer sold here and beef hearts are huge). I have a sealed Mason jar with paraformaldehyde, green glitter, and a few sparkly greenish rocks. Hearts = **** = love. I'll put 2 hearts in the jar with the other stuff. Viola, my homemade Valentine's gift.

So, without the words, he's saying he loves you always

Marilyn, I think that most of us with AS are perfectionists. If love had a clear cut dictionary definition, we would be able to, more easily, claim having this "condition". Since no one can really put into words, what love is, we can only do things we know will demonstrate love, or claim to have symptoms of love. If you were able to write down every single thing that you thought "defined" love, then asked him to read it. You could then ask him if he loves you, according to your exact definition, and only then could he definitely say; yes,I love you. So,for now, accept the things he does to show you love because, he really does not know(like everyone else) what love is and therefore, will not claim to be in this condition. I like to think of it as true honesty, something most NT's don't posess. OK, my brain is starting to smoke. I hope this helps.

For me the words are a bit empty, they are easily said for all kinds of relationships. I think his actions speak more.

Plus, there are (nearly) infinite ways/means of love and to say love...remember. I think in images, sequences, patterns. How can I say the word 'love' and know this emotion to correlate? Not congruent.

Hey Marilyn!
We don't all see it the same way but for a large number of us the words, 'I love you,' come across as a leading question rather than an affirmation. It sounds more like, 'do you actually love me?' which (at least to me) implies that none of the things I do to show love mean anything. There are far more ways than one to 'declare' love.

This might help:
http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/learn.html

AS or NT we all have different ways of expressing and understanding love, and there is nothing wrong with any of them. You have nothing to worry about. He is probably telling you he loves you in his own language, but I'm sure he'd be open to learning how to express it to you in a way that you are more naturally inclined to take to heart.

I'm a female Aspie and saying "I love you" is a problem for me.
If he acts like he loves you, I think it's best to focus on that. If it really bothers you that he isn't saying it, though, maybe it would help if you explained to him that saying "I love you" is an action that shows his love?