girlfreind not interested?

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I met this girl back in 2005 i really liked. I asked her out she said she said she think about it after a week she finally she said yes. Great I thought!
Now we have been together for 1 and a half month.

I Dont think she loves me because when i try to hug her she tenses up
And sometimes she puts her arms up and won't let me hug her at all.
And when i try to kiss her she turns her head. And I get her on the cheek.

She told me once. "I am no good with guys"
and also "I really don't like guys touching me"

Keep in mind this is a very confused girl.
and she is a christian
And her family seems to really like me especially her parents
the only things I can think of is

1. shes gay
2. Not interested in me
3. I am not good enough
4. OH! I only have a boyfriend for the sake of it.


what do i do?!?!?!?!?


give up??????

Yeah, sounds confused... she likes you to an extent. But maybe hasn't completely warmed up to you, and there might be pressure for her to have a boyfriend... and if her parents like you that's even more pressure if she doesn't like you.

I'd talk through these issues she's not revealing or saying everything, or just go on doing fun things with her... and don't worry about it too much. Perhaps you'll grow on her more...

But something should change eventually in this relationship...

Remember, too, that girls are encouraged to play hard to get. Think of the Mars and Venus books. Maybe she really doesn't know what to do or how to act. I lost my favorite man ever a few months ago because I was so afraid of acting too interested (as I was) or taking over his role as the leader (as Christian girls are taught that men are the leaders) that I didn't act interested enough. Have a conversation about it with her. She may just need more reassurance from you, and then she won't have the regrets that I have.

i think you forgot option #5 which was what she actually said the problem was

What do you mean?

Think he means #5 is she is no good with guys. But I don't agree, even someone terrible with guys would know when your leaning in for a kiss that she shouldn't turn away.

I think you need to talk to her...

Last edited by Mark198423 on 15 Jan 2008, 11:22 am, edited 1 time in total.

I can easily believe that the problem is exactly what she says it is. Perhaps the problem has nothing to do with you, and has everything to do with her being uncomfortable being touched. I am very afraid of people touching me, even when I love them dearly. My husband is the only person who can hug me without me going stiff and terrified. And on a bad day, he'll get the flinching away too. It's got nothing to do with my feelings about them. I love my family. I love my mother. I even kind of like my coworkers. But I cannot bear for any of them to touch me.

My advice, for what little it's worth, is to take things very slowly. If she is uncomfortable with being touched and kissed, then try to restrain yourself from touching and kissing. Instead, do fun things together, talk to each other, get to know each other. As you become closer as a couple, her anxieties about being touched may subside and she'll be happier about it.

(Another possibility that just occured to me might be connected to her Christian faith. Is it possible that she's scared that if she allows you to touch and kiss her that the both of you might lose your judgement and end up having sex - which Christians would frown on since you're not married? If so, that would be a very good sign of how strongly she likes you. If you feel comfortable with doing so, a quiet talk with her parents could clarify whether this might be an issue, and reassure them (and her since they will almost certainly pass it on) that you have no intentions of forcing their daughter in that way and will respect whatever religious boundaries she feels apply.)

i thikn you're a bit over-exagerating things. it all comes down to personal space. her space might be bigger than yours. i do not doubt wether or not you love her. im sure you love her, and she loves you. she might have had some bad experiences with boys in the past, that made her even more insecure. but dont give up. just take things slow and talk about it.

I agree that you need to talk to her. It could be a sensitive issue, but if you are able talk to her with sensitivity that is probably the best option.

Probably best not to prejudge the situation.

If she's a Christian she may well be conflicted and just not know what she can actually do with you according to her religion. Talking to her - sensitively - is the way forward.

If she doesn't feel comfortable when you try to hug her, let her come to you. That puts the ball in her court, and if she's allowed to progress at her pace, she may feel more comfortable.

I think Talitha's point is a very valid one. Another reason I had the issues I did with my guy (not being direct about wanting his affection) was that I felt that once we opened the door (kissing), there would be pressure to go further than I felt comfortable going because of my religious convictions.

Well, you said she said "I really don't like guys touching me."

So it might just be that she is uncomfortable with being touched in general, not that she don't love you.

absolute best thing to do would be to talk to her about this.

If she's no longer interested in you, then you have your answer....

If she's sensitive about touch etc... then maybe try something different.

For example, if you put both hands straight up in the air (and don't lower them around her). Let her practice hugging you. ie: She hugs you, not you hug her.

After a bit of practice you could modify things, perhaps put one hand on her shoulder - talk to her first.