Can't escape the vicious cycle

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Ten years ago when the depression was kicking in, others would tell me the thoughts, especially in regards to being depressed over being single and wondering if a girlfriend was ever going to comr into my lifewere going to get me caught in a vicious cycle. But wherever I looked, I only saw things that reinforced my thoughts. I would see people coupling up while I couldn't even get a date, I was going home alone (I couldn't drive myself anywhere until 2009) while people I knew were attending parties and such, I was asked if I had a girlfriend but could only reply "No", and my ex-doctor asked me if I had been dating and I could only tell her "No" while my older brother gave her a list.

I hate it when I am told to stop thinking about the girlfriend issue when it's constantly being shoved in my face.

Look, it's not that I don't sympathize with you, I really do. Feeling like nobody wants you is not a nice feeling, but I am starting to think that what you want is closer to a fairtytale than an actual relationship.

I remember you saying in another thread that you were fat, have you done anything to lose weight? I bet that would greatly increase your chances of attracting a woman.

I understand it is unpleasant but the cycle would be way easier to break at a different point than finding a girlfriend.
- You are clearly depressed. That would never help with women. Did you consider a treatment for depression?
- You live in a community with values you don't share. Ever made a plan to escape this, move to a bigger city or any other non-redneck area? Maybe attend some kind of educational facility in a different place?

Yeah. I keep seeing couples all over the place. Many of them are 20 year olds, I hadn't even started dating when I was that age! I guess age is a thing for me because I think my achievements will count for less if I achieve them when I'm older than everyone else.

The other thing is, I keep seeing couples where the girl is way hotter than any girl I've ever dated. I guess I'm not good enough for those girls. Sometimes the guy is really handsome. No wonder she likes him.

But sometimes the guy is this immature underweight skinnyboy who dresses like a 12 year old. It's so weird to see a mature young lady wearing an elegant dress while her boyfriend has extremely baggy pants, a torn singlet or a stained hoody that's 3 sizes too large for him and his head is adorned with either a backwards facing cap or a Justin Bieber haircut.

Why would a sophisticated young lady want to be with an underweight dude wearing disheveled clothes?

Maybe what he is wearing counts as fashionable clothes where you live.

Clothing options tend to be way more limited for guys.

I doubt if many young people can afford to have clothes tailored to fit well.

Clothing stores may not actually sell anything that fits him.

I plan on making replies to the first four responses but I am short on time. My

I am more chubby than fat but I have seen fat guys with girlfriends. In fact, I saw a fat geeky guy with a fit geeky girl at college earlier this year.

I used to go to a gym (2009-2014) before they closed down but my body never responded to my efforts. Admittedly, I didn't change my diet but you'd think my arms, legs, and chest would atleast be more toned. My mother and her ex-husband hired a trainer for me at another gym but she wasn't good at all and tried to shove her religious beliefs down my throat. I haven't tried a gym since the end of 2014. I just feel so burned out on how I lost so much time and how even being in a gym didn't attract women.

Study these men.

So because he gets to be fat and have a girlfriend you want to be fat and have a girlfriend too? You don't even know if he was fat when they started dating. Either way, it doesn't help you much. Losing fat is a guaranteed way to make you more attractive to women and feel better about yourself, I really wonder why you haven't done it if you're that desperate for a girlfriend. And if you're not willing to put effort into something as simple as fat loss, what makes you believe you will be able to put enough effort into a relationship?

Regarding fat loss, I can see you've been badly informed, that's not necessarily your fault though. But when it comes to fat loss, it's 100% diet. You don't need to exercise to lose fat, all you have to do is eat less. Ideally with a focus on protein, fiber and micronutrients, but even if all you ate was pizza and ice cream, if you consume less energy than your body uses you will lose fat. This is coming from someone who has spent thousands of hours reading nutrition science, it's really that simple: Energy deficit = fat loss. People really overestimate the difficulty of fat loss, it's really really easy. You don't even have to do anything for gods sake, just eat less!

It occurs to me that it is really hard to help out someone one the spectrum with dating because we are all so unique. Most normal people don't have the time to really figure out someone on the spectrum. It is a lot easier to help someone with Down's syndrome or Cystic Fibrosis because those disease don't have the wide variability of someone on the spectrum.

No, I did not say that. I just don't think losing weight is going to solve all my issues. I still live in an unstable culture that promotes anti-intellectualism.

I've been in therapy since around the time I became truly depressed. But my family's environment is toxic, the social culture I live in is backwards, and my friendships decrease with every passing year.

I lack finances as well as social connections and my education is only high school diploma level.

I've seen guys who look and behave like criminals with girlfriends. It just reinforces the fear that I'll have to mutate into someone like my older brother.

Did you tell your therapist about your views and feelings concerning your family and the social culture around you?

The only way to get out of the vicious cycle....is to withstand the eddy/circulation of it, and just fling yourself out of it.

Start anew.

I have. She thinks the negativity of my family has done a lot of harm to me and that the culture we live in is very shallow.

I would agree as to the toxicity of many families....and the shallowness of many cultures.