My Partner has aspergers- the toll on my emotional health

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Help- is there any support?? I have searched high and low for a support group to talk to others who are in a relationship with someone with Aspergers? Found this site, but unable to find local meet up or support group. Is there anyone out there that can help me lessen the pain I feel and the total lack of empathy from my partner, inability to have emotions, help help help

Maybe you should read "Relationships and Sexuality With Aspergers" by Tony Atwood.

People with Aspergers may not recognize emotion or pick up on emotional cues but if you tell them what’s wrong, they’ll usually show empathy. You want to explain to us what’s going on?

I call BS on the inability to have emotions.
I have extremely powerful emotions, but I don't know how to express them.

This. I have empathy and lots of it, i dont know how to show it most of the time. My go to would be hugs. Though I may not alsways pick up on cues that someone's upset.

Absolutely this!

For the OP, there are many of us in your same situation. It is so painful.
For everyone else, I am so curious to understand this. If you feel emotions, and have empathy, but are unable to know how to express them in a relationship, what is it that you are thinking about it when you are feeling it? How are you processing it? Is there something you want to do but don't know what it is? Or do you just shut it off? It always appears to me to be just a shut down or withdrawal, but I'd like to think that is not really how you are experiencing it. I have tried so hard to figure out what is going on in the head of my aspie friend but I cannot understand. It's always just cold and empty, cold and empty, no matter how hard I try.

And I think I know what the OP is saying by lack of empathy and no emotions. It's like if we can't see or feel that you care about us, then whether you do or not, it almost does't matter if the outward behavior appears emotionless because that, to us, is cold and empty. If you don't show it, you might as well not even feel it because we need the connection that comes from showing and reciprocating. Without it, we feel you hate us and that hurts, whether it's true or not, that is what it feels like to us. And that is devastating, devaluing, and humiliating. There is no amount of understanding and patience that can make up for our basic needs not being met. It has to be two ways. I hope someone can explain what is going on inside the aspie mind.

Could you give examples of the kind of things you'd like to see that you're not that would make you feel that connection? I have to admit this is a big thing for me and is without doubt my biggest issue when it has come to long term relationships. As they progress women always say the same thing to me, that I don't seem to like them, I don't seem to care. I guess in my mind I think the fact that we're in a relationship is enough, if I didn't like you I wouldn't be going out with you, doing things with you and so on.

For me, sometimes I feel an emotion but can't figure out what to do with it. If somebody I care about is crying for instance, I want them to feel better but I'm often unable to figure out how to approach the situation, so I get anxious.

When giving family members hugs, I'm often unsure how tightly to hug them, and for how long. I'm getting better with that though.

I find that Aspies are often detail-oriented people who struggle with ambiguity. If one is unsure exactly how to appropriately express his feelings, one might keep them to himself for fear of doing something "wrong".

lol, message from the "we" authority

to ALL

^ I understand.
I'm sorry.

That's a bit cruel. Isn't us doing stuff for you, spending time with yiu, hugs kisses etc does that all show we like you.

As for female friends i dont know I don't have any.
Female coworkers despite how they mean to me, I feel sad when they are sad, but what's the appropriate response that won't make me a creep or make them upset. Doubt they want me to hug them, and that'd be awkward for me. I only hug romantic interests.
I don't feel any physical contact would be appropriate gosh knows feminism says it's sexual harassment, so a pat on the back is out. I'm not super close to them(they dislike me cause I'm worthless and awkward), so I can't say much to them. So I'm left sad for them and express I'm sorry about their situation to another person at work I'm close to.

It'd be different in a relationship, but i dont know what the op is lacking from her bf.
I'm also a more effectionate then other aspies . I desire and need it, other aspies don't like touched by others including romantic partners, maybe her bf is one of those and thus she feels lack of intimate touch to mean he doesn't care. I dont know. She didn't share.

As for support groups for gf/wife's of aspies i dont know. There's aspie groups here but I heard it's mostly single guys and it's at last night so I've never been. Have you searched meet up or asked local therapy places if there's support groups?
I don't imagine there's enough aspie wife's to make the need for support groups unlike aa or abused spouse support groups. Which may be why you can't find any

Hi . . . There are some sites for partners of folk with Aspergers. Different together is one. However I don't like them, To me they always seem very critical and blaming of their neurodiverse partners. I guess some may find it useful to vent but it's never been useful to me.

My situation is different because mine is not a romantic relationship but a very strong friendship. I would probably say best friends. We have struggled with understanding each other and many times I have nearly turned my back on the friendship due to feeling uncared for and unappreciated. He also on one occasion called an end to our friendship because he felt I was demanding and needy. . . .. . So not easy.

The things I have learnt is to look for different ways of seeing he cares. To put aside all normal expectations of words of affirmation, constant text messages and sharing of life events. However what I do get is someone who will do anything I ask of him (but I have to ask clearly) who cares for my physical wellbeing, gets very worried if he thinks I am physically hurt or unwell. Who will research for hours to find places I will enjoy visiting and who makes me laugh almost constantly during the time we are together.

Whether I could manage without the level of reciprocation in a romantic relationship I'm not sure. It's tough but there are a lot of people on here that do make it work. Take care of yourself and make sure you have lots of friends you can turn to when you need a neurotypical emotional response.

Plenty of people stay in relationships with people they're not in love with because it's convenient or they are scared of being alone.

They just tolerate the other person more than they can tolerate being alone. Or maybe it's just convenient, if you live together, to have someone else paying the rent.

Staying, in itself, doesn't really mean you care or even like the other person.

^^^^You're a winner in many ways. The lack of a committed relationship doesn't make you a loser. It means you're unlucky.

This is very good. Women don't want you to debate why they are feeling the way they are. They want empathy and to feel validated.

Even as I woman I forget this in talking to other women. It's a bit frustrating because I like a debate, but typically and hypocritically, i do find if I myself am upset I react just the same and feel like my feelings are simply a piece of crap to be swept away when someone debates them rather than saying, 'that sucks I understand why you feel like that'.

Here's another on a similar vein.