My girlfriend threw me away.

Post Reply New Topic

I had a long post and I clicked something I lost it; I'll try and go over it quick this time.

I have to give vent to this and I need to go away right now; I spent too much time thinking.

My girlfriend had contacted me online towards the second half of 2006; she seemed to have done so almost randomly as it was largely unexpected. That ended up putting an end to almost two decades of being frustrated in terms of attaining any sort of rapport with the opposite sex. I was being mobbed very violently at a job I gladly left behind; having no social life - no counterbalance - I slept poorly, I fell ill often, found myself shuddering from sheer psychological pain and considering suicide. I owe her for giving me a sense of indestructibility during this period which prevented me from breaking down completely.
Even though she lived overseas I accepted her because she was so much cooler and interesting to talk to than anyone else in my pathetic circle of online acquaintances. Then after a month it was obvious something else was going on.

I eventually used one of my trips as an excuse to meet her. By the time I got there I felt so physically drained I wasn't expecting anything much to happen; in fact, I was paranoid. Touching human skin (another person) was a luxury I hadn't really had since my early childhood so it felt mostly odd and unexpected when she allowed me to touch her hands while having a drink. I wasn't feeling well so I innocently offered her to continue talking at my hotel room until dinner. Shortly after we were settled she began cuddling with me and suddenly gave me very brief kiss in the lips and that again felt very odd; I think it took me all those nights and half of the nights of her visit months later to get used to and to begin to enjoy that kind of kissing. Obviously, I ended up losing my virginity that night without really having much control or understanding of the whole situation other than in retrospective.
After that, she visited me in my city two separate times during 2007. Other than the occasional argument and some tantrums on her part I could never completely make sense of, our relationship was pretty much stable over the following year; half of the time remembering the last time we were together or making plans for the next trip.

Now, just when I had almost everything arranged for my second visit (holidays) she broke down and said she wants to end the relationship because she can't stand the distance. Since this had happened right before her second visit I half hoped it was again something temporary as I felt that way myself during some periods (keeping it to myself). Also, this trip of mine was a shot at actually combining both our holidays and seeing if we really got along all that time. But no, this time is for real and it got me a week to get from her sudden outburst to the current situation of being completely alone again. Apparently, she doesn't blame me and says she just got fed up of the whole distance thing. I'm not sure whether to believe her; I first begged her to let me be her friend but she won't speak to me anymore. There were many little red flags on her part during these last months. I many times told her I was willing to have a relationship where we could both go out our own ways when not together but (supposedly) she wanted something more formal and stable. I'm not even sure to what extent I was lied to if at all.

I don't feel anything right now but I'm staring at this pic of her on my desktop and I know I'll have to remove it sometime. The only good thing is that I'll have for other things.
I dunno what to say anymore. I better leave. . . for now.

Mate, I got dumped in a long-distance relationship for the exact same reason. And I'm glad I did, because I was unhappy in that relationship too.

Distance is an entirely legitimate reason, and it being so close to the visit may be telling - yeah, we look forward to seeing each other, but then every time you see each other it just gets harder to say goodbye again.

If she doesn't want to be friends right now, you can't hold that against her. Getting over someone is easier when it's a clean break, the less you see or hear of them the better, because you can move on with your life and then maybe strike up a friendship later on.

You have nothing to be ashamed of. Long distance just doesn't work for some people. I say, be glad that you had this long relationship and those brief times of happiness where so many people with Asperger's haven't even had that at all yet.

The pain will lessen. You'll change your desktop. You'll move on with your life. And you'll be okay.

Thanks.

What makes me feel like an idiot is that she said it was the distance itself and the consequently hopeless nature of the relationship (according to her) that made her cease loving me (meaning I find that cease-to-love-because-of-physical-distance thing a bit hard to believe).
That doesn't make sense to me; distance on it's own shouldn't change who and how people are. She specifically said that she had ceased to love me long ago and that it had been distance what caused it; I can't help feeling I must have done something wrong (she says it's not my fault). Also we weren't anywhere near when she spoke to me the first time and then we spent entire days chatting for the following weeks; back at the beginning I didn't even think I'd ever see her.
I think she lied to me because she's afraid I might kill myself but then again this whole thing of her wanting to try a more complete relationship with someone in her city turned up more than once already.

Well, I doubt she's being mean spirited, but it seems to me like if she stopped loving you from distance alone she simply isn't emotionally mature enough to deal with a long-distance relationship. I never stopped loving my girlfriend, I just knew the relationship wasn't going to work for me at that distance.

Either that, or she isn't telling you the real reason, and though that seems unlikely, if it is the case, you should be glad you got out while you could.