What do you do when your family...

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...simply do NOT approve of the person you love?

Lemme explain...my first relationship with a real woman, who was Aspie like me, was a real show of horrors to my family.

I first met Amanda on 25th November 2006, and was going to go out on my first date with her 4 days later...but I did something I'll never forgive myself for...I told my sister who I was going out with. When I did, she got this look on her face...that made me think to myself 'oh damn...I blew it!' She immediately told my mother that she knew of Amanda, and that she was a 'psychotic whacko' who called the Wells crisis line so much that she was blacklisted. And when Amanda did show up to pick me up for our date...from the time she walked me to my car to when we got in it...that was the ONLY time the entire date that I saw her smile! When I confronted her about those rumors my sister told me....she started crying and said that she was assaulted a few months previously, which I feel is a DAMN GOOD reason to call crisis regularly!

Well, regardless, she never stopped crying after that for the entire duration of the date...My SISTER had to come and get me, so I reluctantly told Amanda I had to go, but to check into an emergency room that night, because I didn't want her to kill herself.

Anyway, for the entire length of the rest of our 9 month relationship, my family NEVER let up in their remarks that Amanda was 'cuckoo' and 'crazy' and unstable...and for that reason...and even now that I'm no longer with her...

.....I want my family to die. They NEVER ONCE considered that I LOVED HER despite all the hard luck she's had to endure all her life! My parents purely believed I was only into the relationship for the sex! Well, F--K THEM!! !! ! ..*calms down some*...maybe one day, my prayers will be answered, and my entire family gets hit by a tractor trailer truck head on while going for ice cream...but I doubt it. *shrugs*

Well, what do you think? Comments?

Usagi1992

Ugh... That sucks.

I would have told my parents they could go screw themselves first time they even suggested something like that...

Heh, I know...

And I think I might have chosen the wrong board to put this under, seeing that my attack on my family seems more fit for the "Adult Asperger's Issues" board. But I thought this one would be relevant, because it DOES have to do with Love and Dating. So, if this thread gets moved, I won't mind.

I honestly don't see what's so bad about being with somebody needy. As long as your goal isn't to abuse the situation, then who cares? It seems people are hardwired to isolate people like that as crazy and end up making attempts to keep them by themselves, which just exacerbates problems.

I was very needy, lost and insecure when younger but that was because no one seem to understand me, and felt so alone... and because of this so many people felt they could abuse and take advantage of me,

We are unique individuals which unfortunately the so-called 'normal' world underestimate and even despise, but often do not try to understand. We have been made to believe in a stereotype of 'normality' for our children, and to panic, fear and react when our offspring don't achieve.

Our 'symptoms' are in fact ourselves, not some unfortunate illness we suffer. I had to grow up fast and learn to live in their world, but play in mine...

Wow, was your sister on the crisis line or something? She doesn't sound like the type of person that should be working with people.

Man I agree. People on those lines need a greater amount of compassion than the average person. They hiring people just for the heck of it these days?

The only thing that I can think of that will actually at least know you were serious about her is if you would sit down and have a very serious conversation with them (looking them in the eye, stern and calm voice, direct speech- state problem and that you are disappointed in them).

If that doesnt work, you could mention the compassion thing to your sister so she can change her attitude.

No, lemme explain. My sister's husband is a firefighter, and sometimes, they listen to the broadband radio transmissions of the crisis line in the firestation. That, and Amanda actually KNEW Scott {Amy's hubby} a full year before he got married. When she was banned for a year from calling the crisis line, she would call the fire station instead and talk to Scott...he's the only fireman there that can tolerate her constant calls, if just barely.

But what upsets me is that when Scott tells Amy about Amanda's crisis' and exploits, isn't that a breach of privacy?! I think so....

No...nothing can change my sister's attitude once she gets set in a mood. She's ALWAYS been fiercely overprotective of me, even more so then my mom! I personally think she and my mom have a vendetta against me, making sure that I NEVER know love from a woman.

Sure, mom claims that one day she DOES want me to succeed in finding a mate...as long as it's not Amanda. Bulls--t, my friends...that's her way of saying "Love anyone you want...but not that woman!". Arrgghhh!

She can't tell you who to love. That is ultimately your choice. I recommend not bringing home your girlfriend next time or telling them her name until they know they will never change your mind.

Maybe the fact that she has a problem freaked them out a bit, but the girl should be praised for breaking through. I feel bad for people who put themselves out there like she has. It will ultimately lead her into a stigma she'll be running from her entire life.

With your family's attitude, I would have said, "Well, nice knowing you guys, screw you, see you later" and gone with the person who I loved.

It almost sounds like your mother and sister are jealous of you...

Do either of them have boyfriends or spouses?

I had a gf that my parents absolutely did not like. They actually had good reasons for it, because after 1 and a half years together, I know for sure that she was f-ing crazy and I was in it just for the sex, which was amazing.

screw what your family thinks dude, go out with the one you love~!

Too late, Amanda already has stigma to last her an entire lifetime. Because of all her bad past relationships, she thinks that ALL men from the state of Maine are 'evil' and 'wicked' and 'abusers'. (she grew up in Massachusetts)

But admittedly, she has more then just Asperger's...

She has PTSD (no wonder!) and Histrionic Personality Disorder; which makes you wanna constantly be the center of attention all the time.

Oh! And PROMISCUOUS like you wouldn't believe! It turns out all the time, from 2 months into the relationship, she had been sleeping with other males behind my back. At first I was willing to accept that, because as her mother taught her, 'don't put all your eggs into one basket.' I figured that eventually, she'd realize that in the end, I'd be the only one that didn't regularly abuse her, mentally and/or emotionally...

But the straw that broke the dromedary's back was when, one weekend in October, while on a separation, she got together with some guy who I thought she was finished with, slept with him...

...Then called me up to TELL ME ABOUT IT!! What kind of a girlfriend sleeps with guys behind you back, then says to you over the phone 'I wanna have his baby'??! !

...My family was right...she WAS a nutcase...

I...seemed to have strayed away from the original point of this thread, but I just had to come clean and explain why my relationship with Amanda ended. And now I'm left with one final, horrible thought...

...my family doesn't deserve to die...

.....*I* do......for not listening to them.....