love agony because of a so-called online boyfriend

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Sorry everyone it's going to be a long, detailed and emotional post.

I met this guy from country X. in a forum. We added and chatted for several times after that. We exchanged pics and he said i was beautiful. For me when looking at his pic I didn't have much feeling though, he's not a pretty guy, just so so. One day (about 3 weeks ago) he was online and told me that he want to be my boyfriend and that he showed his friend my pic and said that i'm his gf. I was in awe, how could we be bf and gf when we haven't met, so I told him let me think. I said that I would if he promised to be nice and willing to listen to me, I need someone to share, this is my depression time. And after that we chatted almost everyday. He was very sweet; he used to comfort me and gave me advice when i am in difficulties; he talked about me coming to visit him, and his future plans with me. I just refused those plans b/c I think that is quite impossible and there's no need to tell lie about my true feelings and refusal. He said I made him sad, so I said maybe I needed time to think about it. From that on, sometimes he would mention those issues again to remind me, and everytime I just would give an unclear answer. I told him talking about those things just made me feel worried. When we chat sometimes I would be silent when I ran out of things to say, and he kept asking me whether I am busy, and that whether I am reading something, maybe he thinks i'm chatting with someone else. The thing made me impressed about him is that he's 3 years older than me, so I thought he is more experienced and can understand me better. Well we chatted in English so maybe it's also language barriers. Sometimes I found that we may misunderstand. Like the other day he talked about how wonderful technology is so that he could meet me from another country. I only understood the literal meaning of his talk, and so he said maybe i misunderstand him. He smoked in front of me (webcam) so I thought that maybe I didn't deserve his respect so I asked him to stop. He said he would try but not promise to. So I was a bit upset and didn't say much, and he said let's say goodbye b/c he had work to do. Later I thought I made him feel bad so I sent him a message saying I missed him. But yesterday he was not online but I waited for him and fell asleep until very late. Today he was online at a rather late hour, and turned offline right away, and on-off, on-off, on-off for several times. I was totally scared maybe he was having a practical joke with me. I know I have trust issue but this is hard to explain. When he was online again, I said hi and what's wrong, and I'm sad, but he quitted again. I set my status as "u broke my heart" b/c I was very upset with him.

Now I have deleted his name from my contact list b/c I'm very sad to see him on-off again; my heart hurts.

But I would also like to talk to him again to understand his feelings. Maybe did I hurt his feelings too? Or is he simply a love cheater? (

Now I've started to blame myself for being too quick in our relationship. I started to miss him...but I couldn't talk to him again, he wouldn't be online...maybe he did the same thing as me, deleting my name from his contact list. Today I had a bad dream, I think it's b/c I had too many negative feelings. Maybe I hurted him, but I hurted myself as well.

Sounds like both of you have gone through all the different stages of an online relationship. Connection problems being construed as slights, confused feelings, reluctance...

Honestly it seems to me like you were never committed to this relationship in the first place and ended up up to your neck in something you weren't ready for. I don't believe this guy is deliberately hurting your feelings (although I don't get why you think him smoking in front of you = you're not worthy of his respect ), it's just a misunderstanding from both sides.

Maybe it's best you call it quits, or but even if you do you probably need to talk to him about it.